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UI 27/F married to my 29 /M husband for the past 5 years. We have two kids Age 3 and 1.5 respectively. It all started when my husband got hold of my hard disk that was mine during my college days, where i had a one sided toxic relationship that really broke me which I never disclosed to my husband because It was one sided and it was something I didnt want to do. But the hard disk had my chats, pictures which led my husband to believe that I was not a virgin. But I was a virgin when i got married. He confronted me and said that I had betrayed him and following that shame i tried to take my life by hanging. But he rescued me before something happened. I was sent to my mom’s place. 10 days later he took me back to his house, but tortured me everyday to tell all the details of where and how my ex touched and constantly threatened me to spare all the details. Things went down really badly through sometimes physical assault and family involved. They all convinced me to have a kid and the situation will get better. And i prayed and prayed and prayed and we were blessed with a boy baby one year later. My problem now is he brings up the same past , same slurs just to shut me up and belittle me even after having two kids. I am getting tired of this. I dont deserve being treated like this. I know i made a mistake of not disclosing the past. But i have been living with him being slut shamed and guilt tripped every chance he gets to shut me up for different problems too. I am thinking of a divorce but am worried about my kids. Will i get a custody of my kids? Will i lose them to him? Will he pay childcare? Sorry am not aware of anything. I am very worried of taking a stand because every one is blaming me. I gave him an out acknowledging that his principles of love is different and that I respect his feelings (even before having kids), he said he was okay and now after two kids this problem doesnt end. I deserve respect and I want my kids to have a healthy environment. Kindly help.
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SHe bought you back.. just get once clear and live him for few days… He can’t stay away yet move on.. and he needs to move on and accept you as it is in his mind . Make its seen as it’s been years now.. whole family will be behind him too to call you back and grow out of it.. ik all parents aren’t helpful to keep child home for a while but it’s a step or it’s a life time trauma
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SHe bought you back.. just get once clear and live him for few days… He can’t stay away yet move on.. and he needs to move on and accept you as it is in his mind . Make its seen as it’s been years now.. whole family will be behind him too to call you back and grow out of it.. ik all parents aren’t helpful to keep child home for a while but it’s a step or it’s a life time trauma.
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BI’m so sorry you’re going through this. It seems your options are: 1) exploring couple’s therapy to improve communication and reduce conflict, or 2) considering divorce, which unfortunately impacts children regardless of living arrangements. (Stronger laws regarding psychology and parenting could help prevent such situations by better preparing prospective parents)
Ultimately, for your situation, couples therapy or divorce are the primary choices; judges sometimes recommend therapy even during divorce proceedings, monitoring progress before finalizing the decision. -
PSeriously what is one sided toxic relationship ? And why u have not disclosed it , I assume he is going through a range of emotions ,he pve you very dearly and the betrayal hurts him more leading to lash out , I am not justifying his actions , he should handle it more mature . But honestly ,humans are fragile ,and if you are expecting him to sweep it under the rug , that could be a big no , try counselling if it doesn’t workout take mutual divorce for the sake of kids
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SWhy does everyone think having a child resolves all marital problems?
I’ll say divorce is a better option. It’ll be healthy for both you and your kids. Else they’ll have to live in a home where their mum is constantly degraded and abused. Not the healthiest situation a child to grow in. If you stay, nobody can guarantee you a secure life, not for you or your kids.
You could go for couples therapy if you want. If you feel like he won’t change, then get out of the marriage. It would be better that way.
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