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UI set a strong boundary that he should not go after my Bra, he said okay but then he didn’t stop, I said No multiple times 10-15, I was clearly uncomfortable, but he kept pressuring me until I gave in out of fear, for he didn’t stop, his words were, “Hey Hey Hey Please please Hey Hey Hey Consistently”…. He unhooked it without my permission despite my clear NO, and forced me to remove it under pressure by consistently ignoring my NO…, I gave in out of fear and I was scared and I just wanted to get through the night. When he hid my eyes and enjoyed himself, with his mouth on my breasts, I froze in Fear—I couldn’t move or react, Like a Dead Body I froze( trauma response)……. Then, I fawned (which is trauma response)—hugging and kissing him, trying to find comfort, safety, and trust in an unsafe situation. And again I froze when he kept his mouth on my breasts. I told him the next day that why he forced me, and he admitted that he forced me knowingly ( but he said it wasn’t preplanned and he did it on the moment ) but then avoided accountability and said, “At least you should have stayed in control.” ( I told him I feel unsafe and I wanted to be alone, rather than addressing my feelings of unsafety, this was his opportunity to say “Ennakum thaniya tha erukanum nu thonuthu”, He betrayed me in days shortly afterwards, like use and discard ). Days before this incident, at his home during day time, he tried to remove my top by force, I said NO, he tried to remove it again, I held it tight so he stopped, he said to me, It must’ve triggered ur past trauma, I won’t ever do like that again. I thought what a good man, I trusted him and respected him enough to allow him to my home at night, when he asked me if he can visit mine, but now as he got awareness that removing it on his own despite NO, is clear violation, he coerced me by consistently pressuring me into it….
He admitted that he did not love me and he made false promises of marriage recklessly. The fawning and freezing was trauma response. Fawning was my brain, trying its best to find comfort and safety in him, after freezing where I went absolutely Frozen, unable to move. ( Him repeatedly ignoring my NO caused me to relive flashbacks of my past SA from Childhood, I had Flashbacks of it, when he repeatedly ignored my NO that is how much he forced me). It hurts a lot, it’s been months, He is Ex Boyfriend.
Is this legally considered as a crime, in India
But I feel like I’d probably be victim blamed. -
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UYes, this is legally considered a crime in India.
1. **Section 354 (Assault or criminal force to woman with intent to outrage her modesty)** – His actions, such as unhooking your bra without ur consent, using force, and ignoring your clear verbal **NO**, amount to an act that outrages your modesty.
2. **Section 354A (Sexual harassment)** – Continuously pressuring u despite repeated refusal is sexual harassment.
3. **Section 375 (Rape) and Section 376 (Punishment for rape)** – law defines rape as **non-consensual sexual acts**, including forced penetration. While u does not explicitly mention penetration, it involves **coercion, force, and violation of bodily autonomy**, which could be taken seriously in legal terms.
4. **Section 377 (Unnatural offenses, if applicable)** – If any act involved non-consensual sexual contact outside conventional intercourse, this section might also be invoked.
5. **Section 506 (Criminal intimidation)** – If his coercion or pressure involved making you fear consequences, this could apply.
6. **Section 90 (Consent given under fear or misconception is not valid consent)** – ur “giving in” out of fear does not count as valid consent. The law recognizes that consent obtained under pressure, fear, or manipulation is invalid.# Victim Blaming Concerns
Unfortunately, victim-blaming does happen in society, but **legally, you have strong grounds to file a case**. The law does not require a woman to physically resist to prove lack of consent – your repeated verbal NO and your freezing (a trauma response) are sufficient proof.
If you decide to take legal action then u cn :
* **Consult a lawyer** who is experienced in gender-based crimes.
* **Visit a police station** file an **FIR**/online FIR
* **Approach the National Commission for Women (NCW)** if you face any difficulties in filing a complaint.#
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UIt’s a crime but I seriously doubt police will take action on it until and unless a lawyer is involved.
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UI doubt too. There comments would be, Probably you asked for it; you allowed him to home, you removed it, you should’ve asked him to leave. ( HONESTLY I look back and wonder how I could’ve handled things differently but my brain went to survival response – amygdala’s hijack ) and it’s not my fault. I know, still, people will say it is my fault.
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SOP sorry you went through this.
From what you have written at no point did you give consent and any consent that was given either through a freeze or fawn response was under coercion.
This is sexual assault. You can take legal action against this.
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VYes, it’s a crime. File an FIR against him if feel you’ve been violated against your will. No one touch you with your permission, not even your parents. This is basic human right. Not taking an action will only embolden him further.
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VLawyer here. First of all my sympathies are with you. I am sure recounting the trauma for posting will have been difficult and it shows your courage and bravery.
Second, the persons actions constitute various crimes including sexual assault as per the criminal laws of this country.
I will suggest that you consult a local lawyer specializing in this field and take it from there.
In case you need any further assistance, I will be more than happy to help here.
And lastly, I will also advise you to consider therapy for the trauma caused.
Hope this helps.
Best wishes and warm regards.
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UOp so sorry that you went through such horrible incident. Similar thing happened with me a year ago. He didnt stop when i said NO. He sexually harrassed me n manipulated me in such a way that i was unable to stop him anymore. I held myself responsible for this incident cause i thought my “giving in” n not putting much efforts to stop him..made him do this with me. Honestly, blaming ourselves for their bad actions is stupidity….n i realized this later. I hope you to be in better mental state n request you to file a complaint against him. No one has any authority to come closer to me without my consent…n if that person is doing even though ur bf its injustice. Take care n take a stand for yourself.
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LWtf is ‘I did u wrong but I’m not a wrong man’ the moment he decided to force him on you he’s wrong and his frnds who are defending him are equally wrong. I hope you take action against him.
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UIf someone promises you marriage and then gets physically intimate but then refuses to marry you is also a crime.
And your case also looked like sexual assault. So please go ahead and file the case. -
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UI’m sorry maa you went through this, ange yara irundalum ipdi daan is not an excuse to do all that. I’m a man and yelarum apdi pannuvomnu avasiyam ilai! Looks very much like an assault maa, because NO means NO and despite hearing a NO if he chose to go ahead appo avan pannadu crime!
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UThank you really, it was hard…it shattered me. I told him about my past SA And still he forced me., along with false promises….
Thank you for kind words.
It’s reassuring me that “Not all men”
If I was a man, I’d definitely listen to my woman too.How did he find in his heart to do this I don’t know.
Not all men nu nambi tha, I allowed him to home but
Apdi Enna pleasure & Lust ketkuthu,
that it covered his eyes… completely.He calls himself a “Good man” despite it all, he brushed it off as a simple mistake.
His words,
Naan thappu paniten, but thappanavan ella,
Nee aye vetuku allow panne,
Nee acho control ha eruka vendiyathu thana apdi nu…he blame me.I didn’t explain him about freezing and fawning and all….but he clearly knew that he did me wrong, by force…
He said that I was not his Love, and I was a strong crush and it all happened. We were in same Gym for 1.5 years and I was his crush, I never once spoke before but after he spoke to me…shit happened
I was also kissed thrice without my permission looking back it is an SA. I was never given a choice if I wanted to be kissed. I was in shock when it happened out of no where. ( we were not even in relationship, I excused it out of feelings but honestly looking back I feel violated )
Do you truly believe that it’s true that a man would not cross, despite being alone with a woman at Night ?, I don’t know if I can ever trust someone that much to be in perfectly closed space with him.
Just because It was night, and my home, did he take it as a sign to force me, I don’t know, still how could he do it ?, Night en veedu ha vae erukatumae , nambi thana allow pannen, nambi thana panne… aniku honestly I was so scared when he didn’t stop,…
Ella pasangalum same ella nu nambinen … but avan!!…
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UYou’re welcome, please take care. I don’t know about the ‘Not all men’ part, but a decade ago when I was in college I read something which changed me totally, it said ‘don’t be the type of man you’d never allow around your daughter/sister/wife/girlfriend’.
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