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UMy elder sister is in an abusive marriage for 10 years , 2 kids .
There ve been multiple events of Physical abuse and Mental almost everyday in these yearsBIL , a police officer at a reputed post suffers from alcoholism , depression.. and is constantly suspicious of her for no reason accusing her character all the time checking her phone , claims he can get access to all phone records of her through department..mentally harrasing her.
Back in 2018 , my sister almost committed suic!de by overdosing but got saved ..
We brought her at our place for few months and the abuser came here apologizing and all …
Parents got convinced by him nd sent her back there.
The abuse did not stop.
& She remained silentRecently on
14 Nov , 2024Major incident happened, involving physical assault on her as well as kids…
She packed stuff, came over here along with kids traumatized…
No case or anything was filed after this incident .
The abuser tried to contact her calls , messages .. she blocked.
Weeks passed , the inlaws , BIL’s family members started coming to our house in order to take her back… she resisted
Time passedBIL came here crying , apologizing , all the drama,.. and how this event changed him, now he has changed n all ….
asking for just one last chance ,He swears it will just not happen again…Somehow he is successful in persuading them ..(i am against sending her back , I tried hard to make my parents understand but im young and they don’t listen to me its really sad right)
Mostly because kids are involved , and the society we live in is shit.
And now my sister ,parents are considering one last chance … But on one condition that BIL, all the family members they take guarantee that it won’t repeat again
Now is there something that legally can be done to assure on paper, that if he repeats it again they will be instantly divorced …
We send her only if BIL nd his family signs on that paper
What can be done ? How do we write that agreement..
Whats the best thing we can do right now ?Im scared nd stressed about all this scenario I can’t see kids and her suffering..
Please please guide me
Thanks. -
NNAL,
I was there once where you are pretty much the same scenario, except that my sister was married for 16 years when we reached the breaking point. It was 10 years ago. It took us 10 years to divorce that SOB.
here is my advice:
1. Gather proof of all abuse that your sister has gone through.
2. Record the discussion with the family and your BIL, discuss all incidents of abuse, get him to confess and promise change.
3. Have an open conversation with your sister, what does she really want, it’s tough raising two kids alone, even with your family’s support, does she work? If not how is she going to take care of kids expense. Knowing where you stand and how you would fight is important.
4. Even if she is skeptical, I would suggest going back, next time any kind of abuse happens, ask her to call police, you would be surprised police calls are recorded by default and in case there is an injury an MLC will be done.
5. In case the abuse happens, immediately file protection under dv act, and ask for interim protection, residence and maintenance. Maintenance will take time but protection orders are issued immediately.
5. In any case do not leave home, that’s a big leverage for her.
6. If the marriage is irrevocably broken, file divorce case. There is no better thing than a peaceful life .
7. Buy a good spy camera and record everything, you can discard if not relevant but record every interaction.I hope your sister can get on her own feet. Abusive marriages have just one end, death, either of marriage or the victim.
All the best, and do not get intimidated with your BIL being in police, ours was very well connected and everything, we still kicked his butt.
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