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UI 24 F , is a software engineer , I came from middle class family , my parents worked hard to educate me and my brother .
They cannot afford any basic luxury also. My brother is 8 years older than me and has been working as a software engineer for many years. My grandfather gave the house, but my brother is the one renovating the house, paying for taxes, electricity bills, and other expenses because they cannot afford it. My salary as a fresher is very low, so helping with any house renovation is impossible for now. But I was ready to give for grocery and WiFi and other expenses , I am giving it to mummy.
But I have never asked my brother for anything; even my entire education was funded by my parents. I only took some financial help from him when I moved to the new city for my job, but I returned that money as well. However, he is getting married soon and has been behaving rudely for quite some time. My parents never said anything to him.
Today, my brother crossed all limits. he insulted me and my parents also, accused me and them of using all his money, and even tried to attack me. He said things like, “I am paying for everything, this is my house,” etc.
I am a simple girl who doesn’t spend much and keeps my savings to myself. His words hurt my self-respect deeply. When I told my parents totell him to go to stop fight or I will leave the home they said, “Who will pay for the remaining renovation costs?” They didn’t support me and asked me to move to new city, even though he was hurting me for no reason.
Today, I left home and moved into a pg in same city and told them I don’t want the house or their money, and I have also cut ties with my brother.
What hurt me the most was that my parents should have supported me. So I decided to cut ties with them also , even though I never thought I will do this my parents as I don’t have anyone except them. They know how simple I am and how much I have struggled, yet they chose money over me. I don’t even have any friends to support me, I don’t know what will be my future, but one thing I know that I don’t want money I want respect and peace., and staying away from my family gives me peace.
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SI don’t hear a legal question. And your brother doesn’t seem to cross any legal/criminal boundaries. It’s not crime to be an asshole.
You’re a legal adult. Move out.
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WEuphemize this brother, people dont necessarily internalize blunt advice in face of adversity. Lets build a safe space <3
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UBut does she have legal right of getting her inheritance of the house once parents pass?
I agree with you that she should live on her own, but don’t just think short term. She has rights in ancestral property.
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UTake sometime and relax yourself first…
Things will pan out for you… as you said you are hardworking, work on your skills and upskill yourself and soon you will be earning higher.…
So take any rash decision just trust yourself and don’t worry much you will make new friends and have an awesome life…it will all work out at the end. -
MYou are upset. Dont cut ties with your family but yes you can distance yourself from them. As someone who is funding the ancestral home – your brother may feel entitled.
Sustain relationships as best as you can and to the extent you can – you dont have to go overboard. Usually friends are the true family but a family function is also a place where the friend is out of place and even the distant relative becomes the close person.
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AActions are louder than words, all the actions he did so far does that add any weight? Do you think he legit insulted you / think like that for you? Think from his situation too, is he stressed or frustrated with something in office/life?
Everyone needs to be independent that’s the baseline, you should continue to save and invest for unforeseen days. We live in unethical and immoral world.
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WI empathize with your frustration, but thay does not change the fact that, this needs to be in some other subreddit. Try am I the kameena or some other askIndia subreddit. No offence again, more power to you ma’am. We all love you lots. You go girl! (I moved out of house when I was 15, I am as old as you now, no comparison intended, just a flicker of hope that…. Life finds a way, and trust me, you become the (wo)man once you start living alone.)
I knownits daunting, I know you feel alone, but pain and solitude arc is an essential cannon event. If not now then when?
Good luck.
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FOP first this the wrong sub.
Second, I completely understand your parents view. Always remember that whenever there is a choice between survival and self respect, humans always end up choosing survival. For your parents your brother is the means to their existence. They cannot imagine going against him because its the end of their life. He is the provider and they will do anything to ensure he doesn’t stop providing for them.
It’s a very unfortunate situation. And your parents have failed as parents, but I can understand why they are doing this. What you did was the best case scenario. I am proud of you that you took such a daring step. Make a good life for yourself, build a good career and you will be fine. There is no rulebook that says you need family to lead happy fulfilled life. You can do very well without them.
Good luck.
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UHow her patents failed as parents? They spent all their money and resources in educating their kids. Now both kids are earning. What else they were supposed to do?
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FAs parents you need to have the capacity to provide for children and also to look after yourselves. It’s unfair to burden the children with the responsibility of taking care of you their entire life.
Only have kids if you can provide and not expect anything back, because you chose to have children but the children did not choose to be born.
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USo parents taking care of kids when they are young and vulnerable is their responsibility, but when the same parents become old and vulnerable they become a burden? I don’t think this is our culture, maybe some western countries but not us.
Also Majority of expenses go in children’s college education. So probably the parents should have kicked both the kids out after they turned 18 and saved that money for themselves. Also they should donate their property to some charity after their death.
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FI dont know what culture is what. All I know is kids do not have a choice when they are born. It’s the parents who make the choice. If they are unsure of providing for them and taking care of themselves, they should never have children.
Its a different thing that children out of love for their parents take care of them in their old age. But it’s not their responsibility, but its parents responsibility to care of their children since they made a choice to bring a human into this world.
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UTry to maintain contact with your parents. Live separately but try to make friends who would be like family (still don’t trust anyone blindly and don’t do financial transfer to anybody ever – because you have nobody to support you in financial crisis). Try to look for NGOs who support in such cases or some community. Work on your skills, don’t spend unnecessarily and build emergency money – 6 to 12 months backup. Try to get your package to a good number around 10 to 20 LPA and until them keep working hard.
You go girl! With time, things will improve. I also advice you can build out a sub or community – I knew in past some people who faced some similar issue. There was one person on another reddit who was going through such situation from Delhi. You folks can help out each other. And if an NGO can back that up, we will support it out. Build your life and live freely.
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UYour brother should be ashamed.
Cut your parents some slack even if you feel their partiality towards your brother.Glad you moved to PG. Your brother and parents probably think you will return in some time but I think you should not go back. Move to an IT-hub: Pune, Gurgaon, Bangalore, Hyderabad or ask your current company if there are any options available for moving to a different city.
Consult a lawyer to make sure you get your half of your parent’s inheritance – the house they live in is your grandfather’s house. Your ancestral house – by law you get a portion of the inheritance and your brother and parents have no say in it. Even though you’re not paying for renovation, you still get what’s yours.
Finally, make a new family.
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UYou have a right in your grand father’s house
https://www.legalkart.com/legal-blog/know-about-daughter%E2%80%99s-rights-in-ancestral-property
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LLol the brother literally pays for everything. As per OP “I save all my money”, but apparently she’s hurt because she’s not getting the house where she isn’t contributing a dime. If you wanted”equality”why don’t you spend money on renovations. You’re the asshole, you can’t give them anything yet want to get equal share. I hope your family sees you for the leech you are, and you cutting ties with them is only beneficial for them
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UWow! Are you always such an angel to talk to? Someone is dealing with some mental confusion and it’s ok to give all the perspectives but in such an extreme manner … who hurt you?
And she said she contributes to daily run of the house but cannot contribute to the bigger expenses of renovation, we don’t have more details of how less she earns etc, and telling her she’s wrong would be helpful to the person who’s asked for an opinion, why insult them when they’re openly asking for help -
CAgree, OP and her family have been extremely selfish and completely used the brother for his money. Poor guy, doesn’t even have savings as he is paying for his parents and sister and now has to think about his marriage.
OP, you could have taken an education loan so as not to be a financial burden on your parents and your parents could have used that money plus taken additional loans to renovate the ancestral property.
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UFirst of all, you’ve become a software engineer. That’s a great achievement. You’re independent. Unfortunately this is not China, this is India. There is no gender equality here. Obviously because one day you’ll be married and go live with your in-laws. Indian parents are not like Chinese parents.
Maybe your brother wanted you to move out but he couldn’t say it straight. Maybe he has some situations that he can’t explain. But overall your situation is that you can’t live with people who don’t support you. It will go worse once he gets married.
You should still keep in touch with your family. -
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USorry OP it feels you are bit entitled? Not supporting what your brother did but taking up financial burdens is not a joke. Your validation that your earn less and the other person earns more is not acceptable. You could still contribute whatever you can. You are still going to claim the property your brother is investing money on. As a 24 year old you shouldn’t feel bad about moving from home. It’s time to live independently and save the money after spending on necessities.
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SBut she did say she gives her share to her mom. Even if it’s little, it’s not her fault. She’s just starting out with her career.
Moreover, encouraging her to move out may not be that wise. We all need people around us for safety and feeling connected. She’s literally on her own. Just physical distance is one thing, but moving out cutting ties is quite another.
One can relocate but always have the comforting feeling of knowing that you have your family back at home waiting for you. But in her case, she will have no one if she decides to cut ties. L family honestly.
How can they just let her move out like that?
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APlease do not lose hope in life over losers in the family. You have a bright future.
Software Engineering is an excellent field. Try to upskill yourself to learn coding frameworks which are in demand, to land high paying jobs.
If you are not able to upskill yourself through YouTube videos, save some money every month to go for a paid course.
You can also look into freelance development projects, to earn some extra money on the side.
Post about your development experience in entrepreneur sub, side project, saas subreddits and see if anyone wants to hire you.
Look into AI like cursor, lovable etc to see how you can use them to develop applications faster.
Family drama is a distraction, your goal in life should be to be independent and buy your own flat or land in a few years.
You can do it.
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UWhat about her being alone and probably unsafe in a pg by herself ?? Cheers for what ? Making a decision based on emotion and not facts ??
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UCheers to invaluable lesson being taught by her parents and siblings early in life… yes she may feel challenges as you mentioned like safety and well-being but there are many many girls living in PGs independently. And dignity, self respect aren’t mere words, these are principles that make the life worth living… OP chose that over money and left house whereas her parents chose to live under oppression of her brother…
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UYou let your pride get in the way of your safety.
India is a cruel place, especially if you don’t have money and especially do you’re a woman. It’s awful that money has gone to your brother’s head and he has become abusive. And it sucks your parent are so poor they have to take his abuse in order to have housing.
What you should have done is quietly planned your escape. Saved money, tried to make friends or allies at work and carefully found new housing.
Once you had a safe escape route, then you could have left your family and cut them off.
Now you’re in a random place and all alone, and not very safe at all.
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UYour brother is just manipulating u and ur parents by showing his aggression, so that he could avoid giving money to the family after his marriage.
It’s simple, bhai jab aukaat nahi hai saadi krne ki toh kyu kar rha hai? Shouldn’t he be prioritising the family?
And i don’t understand the problem with your parents, is the renovation so important? If it was about your college fees, it was understandable. Do they treat their kids as investments?
But still i don’t think u should have moved from your house, i assume you r earning 4-5 L. It’s very less and if u got laid off, where would u go? U could have slowly cut off ties with your brother as u get more independent.
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USlightly shrewd perspective – if the house was built by your grandfather and your father inherited it (without a will or a gift deed) then you, your mother and brother will have equal share in it. Just be sure that your brother doesn’t get your father to execute a will or a gift deed in favour of your brother, which technically will be invalid. As a daughter, you have an equal right in your family’s ancestral property. Don’t let go your rights!
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ULol fake feminist spotted. U left the house and it means nothing… U are able to spend on PG but not give a dime when u were at your home😂😂. I feel bad for your brother hopefully he gets a will from his grandfather/father to get the house or else these fake feminists will destroy it too.
Be practical and straightforward to your brother. He was in a bad state when he abused u. So talk with him resolve the situation and do what is best for your family. -
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WBeen in your brother’s shoes, when I payed for everything and my sis doesn’t and saves, when I ask to pay atleast some bills I get told she is saving for marriage but can go out partying or on trips while I have to sacrifice everything just so we don’t fall off. Literally I can just quit and go incognito and still survive. I paid when they got sick but in return I get told who told you to pay. I have to save for future, pay emi, have a rainy day fund, manage job and keep everyone on tab but I’m the villain. I lashout as well same like your brother but not cause sis doesn’t pay I lash out cause I’m disappointed in myself that I have to ask for help.
Op be a bit considerate and help with lil things.
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ULive life to the fullest by yourself now, my close friend lives alone away from her parents since she started working from 10years, doesn’t have any company and lives by her standards, now started cooking cakes and pastries as side hustle and lives freely without having to worry about anything. Go to a rented house instead of PG with sharing will give you good company, also choose friends carefully as you are easily vulnerable to toxic friends.
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ULogically & Realistically he’s just venting his frustration of not being able to accomplish his dreams or not able to support or get what he wants as all his efforts are going towards something really really important but at the same time, immaterial to him as of present.
It is frustrating really that you’re not able to do anything for yourself when you come after everyone.
I myself have had this feeling that in the list of my priorities, I’m at negative 10. I can’t do or get things I want as I have yet to fulfill the needs of my family or my responsibilities so far. But I’ve learned to find a bit of happiness in everything I do.
Whether it’s for me or for them and that has helped me a lot.Feeling lonely and being alone, running away from home and finding comfort in seclusion. I’ve done it all, Do reach out to me or anyone you deem fit to talk it out.
That’s the only way forward.
I wish you a happy life without regrets. -
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SYour post is generic and does not have a substantial legal issue involved.
If you have questions about this removal, please [contact the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/LegalAdviceIndia).
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