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UThere was a man in my office from eastern UP who frequently body shamed women based on their appearance. Despite repeated warnings, he continued making derogatory comments like “gayi bhains pani me,” “matka,” and “dholak” for women who were slightly heavier. Ironically, he himself didn’t meet conventional standards of attractiveness and had a very poor accent, but he still carried a sense of entitlement.
He was part of a group of like-minded men who regularly mocked women for their weight, height, and skin color both in person and in their WhatsApp group. I never engaged with him or encouraged this behavior, yet he would often come and sit next to me and make such comments. I suspected he might have been jealous after learning about my salary.
He also had connections with senior colleagues, often joining them for tea, which seemed to make him feel more emboldened and shameless. One day, while I was talking to someone else, he made inappropriate remarks like “aao kabhi haveli pe” and suggested going to Meridian. That was the final straw for me, and I warned him that I would report him to HR.
After that, he and his group started making sarcastic comments like “we’re scared of women, they file false accusations,” which was both frustrating and offensive.
This office was a startup in South India, and ultimately I chose to leave because of the toxic environment. I don’t want to pursue legal action, but I do want to understand how to handle situations like this better especially since, despite POSH policies, many people still assume women are at fault (because some women misused the law in the past).
Edit: I forgot to include the context: he said ‘gayi bhains pani me’ when I mentioned that I will be going for swimming; I was a bit on the heavier side that time, and we weren’t even friends just colleagues. Also, he said ‘aao kabhi haveli pe’ by pointing to Meridian hotel which was close to our office.
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