- This topic has 25 replies, 15 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 3 months ago by
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MHello everyone,
Recently we are seeing lot of divorce cases rising so I though of sharing my story.My mom and dad were married in 2001 and I was born in 2004. I was 2 when they got divorced due to my father’s repeated extra-marital affairs which started when she conceived me and later she came to know that he was married before.
She choose to come back to her maternal family where we lived peacefully for couple of days until our relatives(including my mom’s own elder sister) started taunting us and provoked my grandparents to throw us out.
My mom was educated enough to get a good job however we did not have place to live so we rented one (which costs more than 30% of my mom’s salary till date).My mom consulted few lawyers and here were there suggestions
1. Lawyer from our town: He advised my mom in order to get compensation she should leave her job and wear and make me also wear old clothes in order to show that we are helpless without father’s help, my mom trying to be a strong women outright refused this.
2.An Expensive Women Lawyer : she was the best lawyer IMO ( she even offered to take fees only after my mom gets alimony), she advised my mom if she went for adultery angle it will take long time and he can have many escapes as well, so she told to file for domestic violence case for which she will even arrange doctor certificates and help from few NGOs, but since this was not true my mom did not
3. Lawyer with whom we proceeded: Filed for Mutual Divorce along with compensation for my education till I am 18 and a House to Live in, which my dad promised.
My father had been absconding more than a decade after the divorce and my mom had to single handedly bear each and every cost (We were helped by our grandparents later on though when we already shifted to city).
My mom could not afford a lawyer again and we weren’t poor enough to get a free lawyer, my mom saw doing job was an easier option than fighting another court case.
Cut to 2023 just a day before my board exam he called up mom but this had been a nightmare after since.
My father had a joint bank account for which he had taken loan in 2009 and we started getting harassed and abused by loan agents (most probably my father gave them our contact to get rid). The loan didn’t reflect my mom’s CIBIL but suddenly it got reported (it’s pretty strange but similar people have reported that for SCB- Shaha-finlease).I got a scholarship (just tuition fees) from a foreign university however my mom couldn’t co-sign the loan due to this and I had to stay back and study here. My mom begged my father to repay the loan or remove her name however he told he has no money since he’s been divorced again, after that he blocked us.
I am not sure whether my mom choosing not to proceed with the 2^(nd) lawyer was a grave mistake or not, I regret that very much in that way at least we would have had a financial security.
I have endured extreme pain and suffering, I don’t want money now I want justice for which I wish to file case against my father in future.
P.S-
Please everyone who are married or divorced; Take utmost care of your children, I lost my childish innocence at a very young age, I hope nobody endures this kind of pain.
Incase You are Head for a Divorce; Please look after your children and ensure they live a Happy Life without any mental health issues.
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UI’m very sorry for what you’re going through. Children are the collateral damage of divorce. I hope pre-nups become a standard in India as well so that all of this stuff is sorted right when you marry.
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UNot choosing 2nd lawyer is not mistake.
Your mom is a person with integrity and she did the right thing.Your dad is an asshole who cant even think about his child.
Do file a case against your father in future once you got the money n time. -
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PThanks for sharing. Yes, children are the ones who carry the burden of parents’ conflicts. Through this story others can take few advices;
– Choose the lawyer who covers all the aspects of your life in terms of property division, liabilities, child support, custody, etc. An experienced family law lawyer who deals with these cases can have a holistic approach. We do hear stories from our clients who have gone to newbie lawyers who would promise to get the case done in 1/10th of the fees and then entangle them in deep legal battles. So beware when you choose a lawyer even if it is a Mutual Consent Divorce.
– One need to make sure all the financial aspects are clear when the divorce is finalized. One cannot have a joint account still operational, OPs Mom had to close her joint account before she was separated legally. [https://divorcebylaw.com/how-to-protect-your-business-during-divorce/](https://divorcebylaw.com/how-to-protect-your-business-during-divorce/)
– The spouses who are involved in extra marital affairs are generally cheaters in all aspects. There could be some exceptions. You cannot trust them to do something in future, like paying monthly maintenance forever or for few years down the line. You have to ask them pay the alimony instantly or transfer some asset before the divorce is finalized.
– Whenever the spouse is caught cheating on the other, the other (after confirming the cheating) has to proceed with the divorce immediately. Otherwise the adulterer after awhile, plays the victim card and portrays the other spouse being responsible for his/ her adultery. The other spouse starts feeling guilty and will lose the upper hand in claiming what she/ he deserve.
Disclaimer: This is not a legal advice pertaining to any particular case, rather a general advice. For any specific case, one need to consult an advocate to get better and specific advice.
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SI don’t understand what lawyers are upto these days. Arranging fake medical certificate and all. But hats off to your mom, she is a woman of integrity. Study hard get a good job and give a good life to your mom. These country has track record of denying justice to victims be it men or woman . I am also going through divorce, my wife is exact opposite of your mother she has zero integrity. Don’t have any advice but will keep you in prayers🙏
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KIf anyone is settling with mutual consent, agreeing to let the non custody parent pay after the divorce is done is recipe for disaster. You don’t get closure, there’s always risk of the other party discontinuing to pay and you are still reliant
Take whatever you agree before the divorce and then plan your life accordingly
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MYes,
About 16-17 years ago we did not have internet nor any guidance. Otherwise things might have been different.-
KThe bank should be able to removed your mother’s name from the loan if you show the divorce was taken before disbursing the loan. Also if your mother did not sign the loan docs then she’s not liable
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MMy mom has a signature on the account opening documents but not on the loan document,
I have estimated quotation from a lawyer for fighting the case who also said for the mental harrasment I have faced from recovery agents I will be entitled to compensation which will cover his fees.
I can’t afford to file all these cases together but am yet to decide if I should go one by one.-
KAll these cases will be filed in different courts and you don’t need to appear in all of them. The ones you file against the bank will move slowly but the ones you file against your father might see some action. But if you don’t know where he is then it might be difficult cos they can’t serve him notice
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KNAL, but I believe you can get the current problem sorted if you move for a divorce. Also, if you prefer to proceed without false allegations – I guess your mom could still fight for maintenance. It will take time but its something. I don’t know if its possible to go for the child care not since you are 18, but still consider that. Ask these questions to a good lawyer.
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FI am also a child of divorced parents…and it is messy…fucked up my childhood and adulthood too. I developed stuttering …I lost my confidence….good thing is that I opted to study and reading as my coping mechanism…so I could get a decent job.
Yeah…it’s fucked up..I wish there was some NGO or something who could consult with kids of divorced parents and advice the parents how to handle the children in this situation -
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VAlthough your mom cared for you and single handedly took care of you along with her job which is great and I really appreciate that but she should have kept self righteous aside for some time and thought about you.
She kept her ego that time but never thought what would happen to the child who had no fault but had to suffer due to his parents wrong decisions and situation.
If she should have listened to that second lawyer you could have a better life and not struggle now to file a case against a good for nothing man who ran away all his life from his responsibilities.
parents bad decisions and then your mom’s ego and self righteous behaviour spoiled your future indeed. I think of your mother doesn’t want to punish that man what can you do, please move on and set up your future for good. Once you will be successful that will be a biggest punishment for that man.
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