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SI am a 35 F struggling with marital issues including cheating , gaslighting, emotional abuse, lack of physical intimacy etc..I have a 7.5 year old son from the marriage as well.
Moved the divorce proceedings in court where (ex) hus had agreed to pay maintenance for my son and Emi for the flat we co own. My lawyer has separately advised me to rather ask for a lump-sum amount rather than this as there is no guarantee he will continue to pay this for ever and followups would be difficult even if its in the will.My ( ex) hus is rushing with the process as he seems to have met someone and is actively wanting to pursue that relationship .
Kindly suggest what is the best decision in cases like this.
Please note I am a working professional with decent income( close to 2 lakh) and have the responsibility of managing my son.
This is affecting me a lot personally and I am going through a very difficult phase currently. -
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UNAL.
Lump sum instead of monthly. Absolutely.
Get a clean break. Get out. Move on.
Else the scenario would be your ex-husband can stop anytime due to any number of issues.
For eg- he loses his job, he can plea to the court.. then the court may reduce or waive until he finds another job.. he may cite medical emergency.. etc.He may do this multiple times…. and everytime you will need to run around the courts…
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DHi. I am a Delhi based lawyer, with an extensive experience in matrimonial matters. The maintenance sought/granted (lumpsum or monthly) is directly related to certain factors, the income of both parties being the first and foremost. However, consensually, there is no limit to give/take. Is your husband financially sound enough to grant a lumpsum amount? What are your basic expenses that have to be met to lead a respectable lifestyle, also in consonance with what you were leading when you were not in separation? What are the liabilities and dependence both sides? And there are certain other factors that would ascertain the possibilities of getting what you’re seeking, if not consensually granted by your husband.
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MBut child’s responsibility should be equally distributed among both right? She has reason for divorce, so for lumsum , kids father should be able to give the amount for his future education or share the education feel upto some degree
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DAbsolutely. He cannot wriggle out of that at all. But since both parties are earning, the quantum of maintenance comes into play, so after considering all factors mentioned above in addition to more, a holistic view is taken by courts as to whether a lumpsum amount can be granted.
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MOhh ok, it’s better that she doesn’t settled for less. Even for lumsum she should consider the kid education expense until the graduation
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SAnother concern is he is totally invalidating the affair he had and is now blaming that i have bipolar disease which he says the counsellor we met told him. I checked with our counsellor and has written proof that she has said no such thing.
This is really tarnishing my image in my family. I atimes do have the mind to file for emotional abuse but don’t have the will to fight. Want to let go as peacefully as possible
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SAnother concern is he is totally invalidating the affair he had and is now blaming that i have bipolar disease which he says the counsellor we met told him. I checked with our counsellor and has written proof that she has said no such thing.
This is really tarnishing my image in my family. I atimes do have the mind to file for emotional abuse but don’t have the will to fight. Want to let go as peacefully as possible.
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DI understand your trauma, which is why its advisable to have a very strategic and balanced approach in the matter from time to time and to pursue it accordingly, to ensure the welfare of the child, more than anything else.
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DAbout the affair, obviously he won’t concede. Beat him at his own game, at the stage of trial. What stage is the matter at?
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ILump sum, just see how much he is supposed to pay for the flat and given a child is involved, then how much according to you he needs to pay for child support and get done with this once and for all.
You said he’s a manipulative man. Not worth dealing with him every month. You will never get your peace.
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LNAL.
Go for lumpsum. Why keep any kind of connection with such a toxic person? Peace is more important. ☮️🕊-
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LYes, I can understand how difficult it is. But trust me, time will heal everything. Make sure you stay near people who support and care about you. Be brave and strong, and never doubt yourself or your decision. 👍
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SThank you.. when I am in my worst.. people i thought would be there for me left me and O am somehow trying to build myself
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KGood advice on the lump sum. Why do you want to keep coordinating with the jerk. Account for everything that’s required for your sons upbringing and educational success till college – at least undergrad and ask him to pay upfront and arrange for a house to stay for both of you and you can buh bye to him
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P1. Ask for lump sum, there are chances that after few payments, he will stop. again you may have to file execution suit to make him pay the EMIs. It will add to unnecessary costs and delays. He can directly make the payment to the loan account.
2. If he has met someone and he is in hurry, it is advantageous for you to stick to your demands and make him pay.
3. Before separation, were you both sharing EMI? If you are going for a Mutual Consent Divorce or settling the Contested matter through mediation, it is up to both of you to decide on sharing of the EMI liability. If you are going to contest this matter, then the court will consider assets & liabilities of both the parties and decide on the merits.
4. Make sure the immovable property is transferred fully to your name before the divorce is decreed.
For more clarification, contact us [https://g.co/kgs/3SEGnKA](https://g.co/kgs/3SEGnKA)
**Disclaimer:** In the absence of all the facts of the case, the comments given may not be the best solution for your case. One on one consultation with a legal counsel/ advocate is advised to get better guidance.
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SIt will be hard, you will have sleepless nights mood swings, frustration lack of confidence many factors but ultimately either now or later you have to forget all turmoil and concentrate on own life along with your goals. You young do not worry someone somewhere sometime with almighty wish will come to your life again but firstly you have to look own self wellbeing. If he has money than go for alimony if you feel he hast got any just simply sign the divorce. Living with ease and peace is much important.
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SDefinitely but I have to think of my son and his security. If not I would have divorced him when long ago and lived on my own.
I do seek peace more than anything. I was hit yday and have bruises , so living like this is not exactly not my fantasy.
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SIf he has physically assaulted you than file police complaint state police will beat him in front of you. For kid he has to face agony all his life- harsh reality. One need to face either you or the kid or the husband.
One more factor comes if by any chance he accept his actions, that’s why law give sufficient time for both party to reconsider what ever has happened, choose wisely.
Send kid to boarding share expenses, which bollywood do for taking time to re construct relationships.-
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SIt’s your ego speaking lawyers want case to go on court more hearings, for each fees. Ask your self with considering future in mind. Suppose the case goes for another 3-4 years. Court will give sentence of maximum 3-6 months than he will get bail. Chances of reconstructing the relationship in long future for the sake of kid will go from your hand. Take money take written consent of kid wellfare and look for own well being. Let state Police give ultimate torture so he will consider three times before hitting a women.
Lawyer will take 1-2 lac lumsum the only issue in our judiciary system is to attain hearing unnecessarily even been a Victim. Going court on hearing is PAIN.
Take money ask all family elders together from both side take written consent of kid expenses along with your own interest if any & move on- your career is more important, you will have all luxury when you reach high on career.
Else do whatever Lawyer says wish you healthy life ahead.
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HGet out of it as quickly as you can.
For the maintenance and EMI coming in do it through a lawyer. So you don’t have to be in touch with him.
Would suffer to keep your lawyer on a small retainer. Like 5K so he can do your communication with your ex. No point being in touch with a twat.
Put it in the clause if he misses any maintenance and EMI for 2 months a non bailable warrant should be issued.
For the lump sum amount take close to 2-5% of his networth. Including properties, savings, assets, luxury stuff.
Im a guy here and people like this deserve this shit.
And this is a bad time it will pass, you will push through this.
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SLump sum would be better
Lumpsum is tax free I think and monthly would add to your taxable income.
Also look into this as I’m not completely sure about this just came across somewhere. -
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KOne time settlement seems to be the best in this situation!
But remember, the final decision will be yours… so as not to regret it later ! -
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WLump sum amount enough for what you calculate for your son’s enrichment from his part would be fair enough.
I would advise you to not to carry the psychological baggage of his financial assistance apart from the son’s responsibility of his, as you are an independent and decently earning person. Be independent and self capable as you are. That’s the highest ground what one can have for themselves.
And start afresh, with wisdom and thorough understanding of whatever you find best to carry on forward.
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SA lawyer here.
Reading your post I feel that you are going for a mutual consent divorce.
So in this you can always come up with a consent terms mentioning whatever you seek from him. The upfront payment of EMI – Maintenance for yourself and Son and even custody or visitation rights for your son.
Sit down and pen down how much amount you will need and ask for upfront payment of EMI. There is always a safety clause where you can invoke proceedings against him if he defaults in it. As you said he already has found someone so he is not likely to default as it will add to his mental stress
Get the consent terms signed with him involving all these amounts.
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SI meant lumpsum only
Lumpsum amount of EMI and lumpsum amount for maintenance. Now as you said you have a decent income and if you can manage yourself and your son, you can reduce that amount a bit and get your EMI sorted out.
All these amounts are transferred before you give him the divorce so you don’t need to worry about whether he will pay or not..
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AThat’s sad to hear.. there is always a 2nd chance.. maybe try sending messages with a bit of psychological insight and work with his mind, done that with my ex bf and he came back after 1 week… you can try the rekindleus ios app, they have a great library of strategies to trigger emotional responses.
Or just move on, your new love might be around the corner and it could be way better..
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