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UI’m 23(F) and my dad is very abusive and very toxic. He doesn’t work he stopped working almost like 4-5 years ago so he mostly just stays home and goes out with other uncles who are somewhere around his age and other retired people from my colony. My mom is the only one who’s earning, she was a teacher and now she runs a business (computer embroidery). It’s a seasonal business so it’s very difficult for us to manage sometimes. My mom literally works till 1am in the night if there’s work and there were days where she didn’t sleep the whole night (my mom and I stay in the shop to get work done) but my dad doesn’t care like not even 1% he uses absurd language and every word that comes out of his mouth is straight from the gutter. He used to hit us too but he stopped doing that but still raises his hands, he comes charging at us, throws random things at us, he also came into my sister’s room with a knife in his hand because she was defending my mom. I really just don’t know what to do at this point it just keeps getting worse. Today I came from my interview (around 5pm) and I was really tired i couldn’t even stand (because i had to walk alot and crowded buses and all that) and my dad calls me to make chapati for him when my mom already made rice and everything. I told him I can’t and he came running and banged the door of the bedroom i sleep in. The nuts of the door came off flying(one directly hit me). He basically treats us like slaves. I told my mom several times that we’ll move away somewhere she denies(typically indian housewife mentality) she says where do we stay how do we survive and stuff. Even if I get a job and want to move out he’s going to make it a hell for me and idk if there’s any legal action that I can take for him to completely be out of my life ( or even away from my mom’s and sister’s life if that’s what they choose). There’s sooooi much more that he has done he tortures us mentally, laughs at us when we’re suffering or crying, doesn’t even care when we’re struggling to pay the fees and stuff and acts like he’s the victim when people come to our place I’m exhausted and sometimes the only way out I see is to just unalive myself. Even though he has stopped being physically abusive he’s torturing us mentally. He sleeps through the whole afternoon and ears his dinner around 9-10pm and turns off the lights and doesn’t let us eat in light? My mom hasn’t slept well since ages. But one thing that really irritates me is how my mom still supports him after the fight ends. I’m seriously sick of this. I cannot even go to the stationery, i cannot have friends, the only person I completely rely on is my boyfriend who supports me emotionally and helps me with my college stuff and interviews etc. if anybody can give me any kind of advice or anything that I can do please do. Thankyou.
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BIndian mom suffers from this Stockholm syndrome. That’s the word for it. Get a job in different city. Ask mom to spend week with you. Once she releases what’s like to live with freedom and no abuse that’s when she will realise. so don’t force her to move out. Get job in different city and ask mom to spend couple of weeks with you.
You can call 112. Cops will visit but they won’t do anything apart from telling you to adjust. However if mom files FIR, they will take him into custody and keep there. another option is to seek help from women NGO
I am sorry you are going through this.
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UCall on woman helpline number. Let them handle it, once you share everything with them, things will get in motion and will be sortred. Its a tough step, but leaves no room to back out later and hence is needed considering your familys situation (mom who might influence you to stop any action)
Also make sure you have recordings of incidents before taking this step.
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