- This topic has 77 replies, 45 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 4 months ago by
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UWe 26M got married 3 months Ago.
We always had family issues during our 1 year courtship period however we carried on anyways because she made me believe that everything will be fine after marriage between her family and my Parents.
We went to Indonesia for Honeymoon trip and Mumbai concert was also on the line.
She only stayed for about a week with Parents then we went to metro city where my job was there.
She went to her home for 1 week after marriage then it was not even a month she demanded to go back again , My mom insisted that please go next month as some responsibilities are left for this house also. Then we got into a talk with her mother who just directly said she will come and go as much as she wants and we are no one to stop here. Then we(me and my wife) had a big fight and I asked her why her parents treat my parents like shit then she told me from the starting that we brought 9 people to see her when only 6 were said. We brought 39 people in engagement when 35 mere mentioned +4 were childrens. The gifts we gave her on engagement were shit as compared to guest we bought and jewellery the ring was only 3 gms. The whatever gifts my mother gave her were shit. Basically she broke me fully saying these things and I didn’t wanted to get physical then. But we still got one time after she assured me that we will start out bond together again and bring everyone together again.And that I will be proud to have her as a wife.
Then it was decided that she will go for 3 days and will skip the next month. Everything was fine she was positive and all for 2 days when she was home then on 3rd day something flipped her mother got sick and the next day I was going to pick her up that was denied but I still went anyway to check on her mother. Nothing much happened we had our discussion around our flights I even gave her the option to basically cut off all ties with my Parents they are my responsibility I will handle them if she hates them this much. The moment I travelled back she stopped answering my calls the last call we had was also on our fights and she told Her parents will talk now. After one week I went for the concert alone as everything was booked I even asked her to come along we will get fresh air but she denied.
Then we meet with her family members and mine and suddenly in front of all 15 people she accused me saying “Dhokha hua hai mere sath” (I have been betrayed) That I am not Physically fit to have a child and this fact was hidden. I was flabbergasted as it was my first time hearing this. In our 2 months of marriage. I was a virgin before marriage and she claimed too. I gave her my best I even used to ask her if she was satisfied and everything was good. I even have it on chat in code words that she had a good time. We did the deed atleast 30 times in 2 months.
And then suddenly I am hearing this for the first time. Never in our 2 months of married life she even showed a hint of that(I was lasting around 15 to 20 mins). Also she accused me of being Gay because I had some flirtious chats with my friends like wtf.I asked her why didn’t she brought up this topic before personally why suddenly in front of all people you are saying this? She told me she was observing me for 2 months that’s the only answer she had. Then I asked if will do all the test if everything is good then will you stay? She said no. I was like wtf why are saying these things then. Alright we asked for one month of time got my test done which was a humiliating experience everything came back good. During this month they were very desperate to meet again. Then we decide to meet after 20 days or so. On their grounds(big mistake) they were ranting about the same thing that they were betrayed and all. Then finally they asked for 37 lakhs settlement (17 Marriage expenses and 20 for compensation for her).
And they almost resorted to Force during this. We got out of that situation anyway.
See our family is kind so our first response is to get the matter settled however this is extortion.
Now how to move forward with this we have our lawyers and everything. What are the dos and dont any tips would be helpful any perspective would be helpful.
I am shattered however after last meeting I am angry. She made a joke of this marriage. I have all the chats and photos of her being happy in the household. -
UI still thank the gods that we broke off during courtship period because We sensed similar situation like you coming my way based on her behaviour..she accused me of similar things except sexual part during courtship.
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UFile an FIR or just inform the police about the fraud that has happened with you. You’ve the medical documents to support her allegations too. Hire a good lawyer and prepare a strong case against her.
This is a case of looteri dulhan and please make her photo public so that other people don’t get scammed by her.
PS- marriages are not doomed, not all the women are after alimony. I am happily married and I’ve married people around me who are happy in their arrange marriages and love marriages too. My cousin got divorced after 4 years of marriage (plus 9 years relationship), she didn’t take a single penny from her ex.
Don’t be disheartened, we’ve all failed in love. You also got on the wrong path, don’t worry you’ll come out of this.
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UI just want to ask one thing. Did you ever truly love her. I mean you are staying with your parents and expect her to stay there but not willing to send her to her mother for a few days. I think just because it’s a norm that a wife stays at the in-laws house after marriage, you want her to stay always at your place. She was new to your house, you could have helped her settle down. Love means doing something by which she would feel loved, just words don’t matter. Actions do. If you would marry a second time after sometime. Do you think a second wife would be better. If one loves a person, he tries his level best before letting her go.
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UI did , I also tried to renconile with her. She said the same thing. After such a huge allegations in just two months what is the guarantee she will not do the same in future, after kids? And about staying with parents , We had no issue living separately. And from the starting I was clear I would like a good bond between her and my parents. Even gave her an option to not do anything for them. What else do you expect me to do? And she only lived with the parents for a week that’s it.
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UOk might be she was wrong. But we are always right in our story you would also agree. If you don’t want to marry again then it’s fine. But if you do wish to marry again then issues will arise, big issues will never arise, smallest of the issues will. You both could have tried a marriage counselor. Divorce should be the last option and nobody should utter it first. It makes the other person insecure and he/she doubts the strongness of the relation and things escalate. Anyways you are better to judge about your life.
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UI agree with your point totally. However she left no option to even go for a counselor / relationship manager. When the accusations was directly done between 15 people she quashed any Hope for reconciliation. And this was a sudden change. In a day she changed. Yes I could have done some thing better however after that incident all trust was broken.
In our courtship period we clearly decided we would never even utter this word. And before she went to home she was fully ready to rebuild this and work on this. And the final alimony thing showed their true colors. If it would have been real from her side no one will go this far until they had malice behind. -
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UBro whatever happens please don’t keep it to yourself. This is the biggest issue with men. We suffer in silence. Women make noise and get societal support.
You owe it to yourself and to all other men like you. Please make youtube videos, write on twitter, write on LinkedIn.
You will see you are not suffering alone.
As for your wife, their plan was pre-decided . Nothing you could have done differently that would have saved this marriage. They came in with the mentality of “let’s see what happens, if we don’t like it there is a very nice exit option waiting.” she has decided to cash out, that’s all.
Don’t go down quietly. Make noise. They will threaten you with all kinds of things and will do their best to play the victim.
Silver lining is Courts are start8ng to recognize this bullshit. Get a good lawyer. They will most likely file a false case somewhere far from your place so you have to travel. In response, you should be filing your case against them far from their house, closer to yours making them travel the same way.
You have to fight it. And be as public about it as possible. I have seen the same happen to multiple people in my network. If your case goes in front of a judge that’s even half sensible, you will get a favourable ruling. A good lawyer will make or break your case. There are NGOs as well that help men in similar situations. Reach out to them.
I will say it again, DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There is a support network out there. Reach out to people.
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UAlot have beensaid about Mumma’s boy and how girls shouldn’t get married to one!But, getting married to a girl who only listens to her mother and changes her behaviour as per her mother is equally toxic too. I have seen many such cases where everything was going good for the two but suddenly the girl’s mother decided to interfere and everything went downhill from then. So, do not get married to Mumma’s princess too!
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UAlot have beensaid about Mumma’s boy and how girls shouldn’t get married to one!But, getting married to a girl who only listens to her mother and changes her behaviour as per her mother is equally toxic too. I have seen many such cases where everything was going good for the two but suddenly the girl’s mother decided to interfere and everything went downhill from then. So, do not get married to Mumma’s princess too!
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PNAL.
1. Get an advocate and take his help to file an FIR with the police for fraud, extortion, harassment. If you can get some evidence or background info on her to back up your claims, that’ll make a strong case.
2. Get an anticipatory bail in case they decide to put a dowry case on you.
3. Go for settlement, going to trail may mean you’ll be stuck for a few years and at the end court may still say that you’ve to pay something to her (if not 37L it’ll still be a sizeable amount).But remember, if you’ve been at fault and not saying the full story in this post, and if they come at you all with strong evidences, court will take the girls side.
Court cases are basically games of strong arming each other, who ever does it better wins. And usually, whoever does it first wins. Sorry for your loss, All the best.
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IThis is sadly not a rare occurrence, where the girl is married off for reasons known only to her and her family.
The hope is that she will learn to behave well and adjust post-marriage, but when she does not, the bride’s side—rather than taking accountability and helping the groom—tries to steamroll the groom’s side into accepting unfavourable conditions under the threat of hostile marital laws.All these allegations of being a miser, and questioning your manhood/sexuality, are meant to demoralise you and embarrass you into negotiating a higher compensation.
Yes, the situation is not equal, but it is not so bad that you should consider her offer seriously.
Technically, even a day of marriage affords her the right to maintenance and alimony from you, but there are always mitigating legal and social factors.I recently consulted on a case that was almost exactly like yours, and in the end, the bride’s side agreed to 0 compensation; only the status quo was achieved.
Connect with a good lawyer, and do not waste time. You may also come out with the least damage possible.
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EI am so sorry to say that indian men are not male enough to resist such a bunch of awful laws that literally turns every indian man into a broke person and makes him cry for the rest of his life.
It is sorry state of gender affairs. -
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UIt’s a blessing as it happened early,
Move on and find a good partner, let her regret this thing.
Have some self respect and leave this bad person.
If u can’t , future m rona mt . -
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UHow did you find her? This is a completely messed up situation and looks like a marital fraud. Your life will be hell even if you manage to convince her. I can’t imagine going through tests to prove manhood.
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Udoesn’t matter how much anyone asks, what matters is how much a person is granted by the court, and the courts in most of the cases grants not more than what is needed to survive
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PAb Thoda acha kameena lawyer hire karo. Aur mentally prep ho jao . Jail jana but ik kauri nahi Dena. Line pe a jayegi
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PThere are videos form high court. You can see the most shameless and carefree perosn gets the benefit. Compassion is weakness and they will chew you out. Ghabrana nahi and be strong. Share with friends and don’t think duniya kia kahegi. Nobody cares. Emotion gaya tel line. I have seen this to very close family member. They were nice and suffered. Baaki have hobbies that you do at home to manage stress.
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UIt’s unfortunate that things didn’t go as expected. A legal battle will only prolong the situation and could make things worse if she becomes stubborn. A mutual divorce would be the better option. Find an experienced lawyer, preferably someone you know or trust, and explore ways to reduce her demands. Take her in confidence and make her believe that you’re going to pay the amount but it seems too high. Once she has decided to extort money, she’s unlikely to back down, so the best approach is to negotiate and minimize the financial impact.
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Bfirst thing is dont blindly trust your lawyer, because of indian shit courts the lawyer on women side will approach lawyer on men’s side and will offer a percentage of the winnings, so first go and find men’s right activist group in your city, they will give you tips, don’t give money to her, i hope you understand that you are in a war now against your former wife, she will do everything to fuck you over, don’t let her in your house, and put up cctv in front of your house and inside your house
she will put false case on you to extort money, you need to fight fire with fire, you need to target not only her but her parents and extended family members legally in courts to create pressure, don’t be a nice guy, read gita and understand you need to do whatever it takes to win, remember arjuna killed Karna by deceit
also don’t kill yourself, remember even if you are gone, she will go after your parents for money
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UBro the same thing happened with my brother too, the exact same thing. This is a case of marital fraud. Have you filed for divorce already?
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UMake sure you have solid proof against her coz going forward she may file for domestic violence and dowry. Start recording your conversations with her and keep your parents 1000s of miles away from her. And don’t get under the pressure and give her the money, wait for some time she will reduce the amount.
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UYou and your asshole family was trying to control her going home. You gave her an engagement ring that I would probably throw away. Now you’re complaining that she doesn’t want a future with you. Women should just not marry into families with losers like you and your parents.
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UOkay here is my advise.
If you can afford to pay some money, negotiate it, lower it, pay it and get out.
This is not going to end, this is just the beginning.
Move for consensual divorce if the settlement is agreed. Dont marry some random schmuck the next time. In India, a lot of fraudulent people exist. And if there are ever problems before marriage itself, call it off.
Now for the legal advise,
1.Like I said, try to negotiate the amount, settle the whole affair through censeunal divorce in court. It should not take longer then 2 – 3 months if you get a waiver on the cooling period.
2. Don’t waste your time filing cases. It is not required right now. That should be of last resort.
3.If she insists on an amount you cannot pay up, move for restoration of conjugal rights petition in court. She will be forced to respond to the petition. Since it is a wilful separation on her part, she cannot move for interim maintenance.
4.Point 3 should be implemented as soon as possible if the settlement amount cannot be agreed upon.
5.She may move 498A proceedings against you but if you have already implemented point 3, the court will negate the compliant and squash the fir.
6.If she does move for 498A and if proceedings are squashed since it is a false compliant, you can file for contested divorce for which court will grant you divorce since filing a false compliant against your spouse is mental cruelty.
7. If you feel like it, you can file defamation suit against her but that is only if you have noting else to do.
Don’t worry, the judge knows which cases are fraudulent and which aren’t, they have ample experience.
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UNever let her in again, she is gravedigger psycho and a gold digger.
Fight legally, have some cases registered against her specially section 9(to get her back staying with you). Don’t let her back though, if they fail to appear for section 9 hearing then they can’t claim maintenance.
Don’t pay anything at all, keep all jwellery with you, have cctv footage of her leaving and record everything. Nothing can happen relax, they will break just be brave.
If they file false charges then you do tit for tat.
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UI hope you didn’t seed her, otherwise it will be a headache and they get child maintenance eligibility later on. If she stays at her parents then she can’t file DV case against you too 🙂 , remain calm and pass some time so she is like 2-3 or more months at home. Try to check if any cases against you are filed yet. Just tell her we are discussing internally and don’t deny giving money even though you never intended
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CWhy did you pay the money. If you are ready to pay means you are at fault. If you have proof file a case and trust the judgement. if judgement doesn’t favour you leak her all proofs on social media along with the judgement from court. There are good people if you are correct then everything will be done with the power of social media. Also kindly buy a pen camera whenever you go to meet her record whatever they say but don’t tell anyone you have recordings. Only you and lawyer. Checkmate her. Be smart don’t give hard earned money. Reputation of her at national level is more important than you going to jail. Be positive my friend.
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Ubut why did you and your mother have a problem with her visiting her own parents and her family home? You were staying with your parents and she can’t even regularly visit hers? Alimony and all is wrong, legally I hope it’s in your favour as marriage/divorce shouldn’t be a business transaction so all the best. However i am perplexed by your and your mother’s idea of it being ok for you guys to dictate how much she should see her own parents, very odd behaviour.
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