- This topic has 81 replies, 29 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 3 months ago by
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PI (17 F) and my bf (19 M) have been dating since last 2 years. We started when he was 16 and I was 15 (i am not exactly 2 years younger, around 17-18 months). We live in the same city, tho he lives in main city and i live in outskirts of bangalore.
He came to visit me when my parents arent home, and we have done it twice before, but this time, our neighbours saw us from the front grid houses and informed my father (fucking snitches, they wont report if someone gets murd but just want to do panchayat)
My father got absolutely infuriated and both my parents hit me a lot…mentally harassed me etc etc my father knows his upper hand since i am a juvenile and he is an adult and wanted to use this against him!!! He doesnt even care about the respect of his daughter in his so called samaj 🙄
Ultimately he didnt do it but still
my parents then invited his parents at our house with him and then sent me to a relative’s house, then they insulted him in front of his parents a lot and asked to forever stay away from me.But we love each other very much and dont want to stay away, and break up, we see a future together. Should we continue this relationship even though his parents are now probably scared of my family now.
Btw we didnt do anything physical only kisses and cuddling, nothing extra if you re thinking any of that.
What should we do now? Is it ok to continue? How will we handle these family complications? Will they be able to file a case after i am 18 as well? Will he go to jail? I have a lot of questions.
How do I convince his parents? What will be our future? Am I putting his life in danger?
Please whoever is reading advice me, DMs are open if not here then
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UAt your age it’s not worth all the pain. Your boyfriend’s future will be ruined if your father catches both of you together again. I would advise you both to pause all this for a while or at least not meet at public places for a while.
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UOP this right here is the problem. Not trying to shame you or anything, but you haven’t grasped how bad this thing could go.
POCSO is a law for the protection of minors. In the eyes of the law, your boyfriend is an aggressor and you are a minor. Read that again. It doesn’t matter what you say, what you feel or any explanation. Your boyfriend is guilty, and if a case is filed, he’s screwed.
A lawyer can comment on the specifics as to his punishment. Point is, if you wanna continue the relationship, take a pause, especially on anything physical till you’re 18. It’ll help you in the long run as well. You’re too young to decide something as important as a life partner now(not saying your boyfriends isn’t perfect material, just that it’s too early to tell)
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CNAL, but technically, pocso won’t stand since the two of them have known each other since both of them were minors and therefore it is not grooming.
also as OP said, nothing sexual happened, so there is no question of lack of consent.
OP’s family can only harass the guy and his family through FIRs and try some sort of defamation.
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UBro FIR to ho jaegi, he would be taken into police custody, fir prove krte rhna kya hua kya nahi. That’s enough to ruin his image.
Read a news few days ago, the boy was in custody for 10 Months and then the court passed it’s judgment that he is innocent..lmao. Indian justice system hai ye. -
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Cread up the romantic cases under pocso. acquittal is very common.
also there is no sex or sexual harassment as per OP.
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UAnd yes they can file the case even if you turn 18 saying that it happened when you were minor. Some risk aren’t worth taking girl.
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PThat’s true but someone said that once i am 18, all the power of the case is in my hands, is that true
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AMinor consent is not a consent .. Atleast Google about pocso, your father is generous not filing one already your so called boy friend should forget & well behave from now on unless he want to ruin his life forever
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SJust don’t do anything which might provoke your father file case till you complete 18 years of age.
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UDon’t part ways. Wait until you’re 18. Your father can’t do anything after that. Before 18? He can basically screw your bf
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Si think if you, the so called “victim” in eyes of stupid law, denies the charges against him (if someone charges) then there should be no issues.
my point was to exaggerate how stupid the 18 year old rule is
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Sno, even after you are 18, if you or someone from your family tells POSCO that you guys had sex when you were under 18 and he was over 18, he will be in trouble.
all you have to do is, just deny being intimate with the guy ever. Deny now, deny after 18, deny always
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Usend this to him on whatsapp
establish a paper trail
mention it was all consensual and ur parents harrasment and plans to fake file case on him
save msgs confirming relationship when u were both minorsitna aasan bhi nhin hota posco lagna
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AFirst of all you bring a boy and do stuff in home and think neighbours won’t bitch about it is day dreaming.
Second your father through the police can spoil his life
Third at your age don’t think about this much just wait for right time. Try to get independent first through education and job. Else you won’t be able to choose anything in your life
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DYou are a kid. You don’t even know about posco act. Eventually you will realise ‘kitne bf-gf aye aur kitne bf-gf gaye’. Leave him & Focus on your studies. tell your dad that do not do a case on him as posco doesn’t apply to 19 m something like that. I don’t remember the details but the boy won’t be harmed.
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MEvery teenager thinks their love is special. So your feelings are exactly the norm.
And you are perfectly within your rights to pursue what you want and feel. However, I would advise you to just take a moment to step into your boyfriend’s shoes.
To pursue a relationship with you, you boyfriend will have to put how own future and his parent’s well being at risk. As a juvenile’s parent, your father has the power to utterly destroy your boyfriend’s future. And as consequence, torture his family with the stigma and heartache for their son.
Hence, I humbly request you to put a pin on your emotions. Wait out to storm till you become a freaking adult.
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UAge of consent under POSCO is under debate currently, If your parents decide to put up a case against him, it can get problematic for him, and when such case comes before court a lot of things depends upon your testimony and other proofs
The only advice that I have is to make sure that you maturely navigate through this situation and give yourself and your parents sometime so that your and their emotions settle down. -
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UThen why didn’t you stop your father? He insulted him and his whole family. If you love him, where was your love then?
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Pfirst, i was not at home. second, even if i was, my father would kill me and report an fir against him if i had raised my voice. what do you prefer?
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Pwrong. i am not taking my father’s side, if i was then my bf would already be in jail by now. i just dont want to threaten my own father
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CThis isn’t a forum for your drama kutchery. If you have a legal advice to give, please do so.
Absolutely unnecessary victim blaming a 17 year old, with the advice “Threaten your father with an FIR”. Leave the fact that, that’s horrible “legal” advice, that’s just terrible advice in general.
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UIn all fairness , I would say the reaction from your father is warranted. No one wants to hear something scandalous from the neighbors, more so about their daughter. (however benign your relationship may have been).
Having said that , it is better if you discuss with your father that you will immediately stop having anything to do with your boyfriend and plead him not to pursue anything legal against him , simply not to ruin his life.
Take a breather , it will take time to get over this. Going by your age , I suppose you are in your 11 / 12th class , so focus on studies / your career / passion.
Your bf can wait a year or 2.
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SI would say focus on studying and career, you both can get together when you both accomplish sometimes which make you independent
With regards to bullying behaviour of your father better to draw a line, tell him there was no reason to bring up police into a teenage romance , you love him, but if you can spoil someones sons like just for your ego be careful as if you do that ever again you will lodge a complaint of moles… against him first, then your bf and himself can play cards in jail together -
EYou have posted the exact same post on countless subs like India Social , relationships advice and few other subs. and Thê account was created just two days ago ? Doesn’t add up.
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AWait I don’t think they can file case when you’re 18 if you’re minor they can file on your behalf but again if they do he’s gucked up
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PNAL
17 yo sees a future, been there before.
even though it’s childish love, i remember that precious chemical your brain makes and would’ve fought for it if I were in your shoes. But at the end (10 years down the line) of it imo it’s not worth all the trouble.
But again – you asked for a solution, here it is
Legally speaking –
Your parents consent on your behalf till you’re 18. So he has the upper hand, but he won’t take any legal course unless he’s really stupid. Ignoring all the trouble the guys family will have, you & your family will also have to jump through the same hoops.
Simplest solution –
Lay low till you’re 18. After that legally everyone’s in the clear
All the best, rooting for you
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MThis is not love but sex lust… if you two love then wait till u r 18 years and get married. Many young teenagers get into this love stuff and later on the boys lose interest on the girl once they get another girl or lose interest because of financial problems . Girls must be careful and not get into physical even touching and kissing. This looks bad on your family if a girl is seen with other boys. These reasons parents do get angry.
U r not yet 18. Focus on your life studies. Become something get good education job before you get into these relationships. Look at this In just one city Pune alone every month 200 or more divorce cases are filed in the courts every month . I have talked to some young girls with small children in Pune courts who have no place to live, no money. No regular income they left their parents home and married their lovers. Now the boys have left them in some other cases the girls can’t stay with them because they beat them daily . Girls must be careful. In western countries they have welfare programs financially the government will support until the children get to age 18 . but in India we don’t have any such programs and under modi Bjp government no welfare schemes only scams and help the rich get richer . -
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DThere are some real good advices by people here. Just adding my two cents.
Pls don’t risk this. Pocso is dangerous. Any lawyer worth his salt can tell you that 498A and Pocso are the most misused laws. All it takes one report.
Your father is serious and if he flies to Police things may go out of hand.
16+ can be tried as adults in Pocso
https://www.deccanherald.com/amp/story/specials/pocso-act-punishing-young-love-1239490.html
Point is if your father pays some extra money even severe cases can be registered very well. Your testimony won’t count . And even if he has not done anything it will take years to prove in court.
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SWhat could they file a case for? If sexual contact didn’t occur, I don’t see a crime committed. I’m not familiar with indian law in this matter, so I’m curious what the case could be.
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SAs i understand what you said, there would be no case unless you falsified it. And maybe that’s what he’s worried about?
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Pyeah thats what i said in title. he said that marrying me is like giving a nuclear bomb detonator in my hand, that i can ruin his life any moment i want to. i tried making him understand that its just his paranoid thoughts and his mind is playing tricks, will discuss properly some day i think he is just scared
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SReading on various subreddits about marriage, i have come to realize that men are in this position pretty much always. Someone accuses them they have very little recourse. In a marriage, if a wife makes false accusations, it comes back on him. So i don’t know what is making him think this now about you, specifically when that’s just how society seems to be structured. Can you get a chance to talk to him on a serious note about it again? Find out what is behind his fear?
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Phe used to follow these cases and when we were together he often told me about how indian men have basically no laws supporting them etc he told me about some ‘divorce package’ where if a woman wants divorce, either she wont file any case or if she does, she files every case false or true together. dowry extortion, harassment, alimony, child custody, jwellery, in laws abuse etc etc etc and he told me how scary it is for a man to face these heaps of accusations together, most of the times the court even believes the false cases!!!
in the last convo we had, he told me that if i were to ever divorce him for any reason, i have now included a huge case in this too which is the one this post talks about. he said that this marriage will scare him forever and destroy his mental peace, i was upset as i thought he doesnt trust me but i think he is just scared. i understand these times tbh, life hasnt been easy on him
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SIs there a statute of limitations on this? I feel like this may be his parents talking, but I definitely can see where fear might be. If you decided you wanted to say he made inappropriate advances on you as a minor, he is completely helpless to the reprocussions. But I’m sad for you that he’s letting fear consume him. I do think some distance is wise until you’re 18 and impropriety cannot be implied.
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Pyeah dude, i really love him i just dont know how to pull him outside of this fear. i am genuinely lost on how will i convince him over something that is not even my fault. i didnt ask for this power, its useless to me
and i dont think its his parents since they have strictly said no to any contact ever so why would they be discussing about potential marriage problems? i know that he is into these rights for men things where they share a lot and lot of marriage issues, he sometimes even said that marriage is scary
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SI agree with him. For a man in India, marriage would be scary. But I feel like the parents may be impressing this fear upon him to encourage no contact.
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SYou’re very young, and life is full of possibilities. Be open to all of it right now. At your age, love feels deep and like it’s been ordained by destiny, but it’s temporary in most cases. And I hope if you two are good together that your love will endure and overcome. But right now focus on what you need in life with or without him by your side. Hope for the best but be ready for it should disappointment come instead.
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