- This topic has 76 replies, 31 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 1 month ago by
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MUnderstand that this is how their upbringing has been. And it is not your fault.
And you are a victim of their upbringing. Your parents also are a victim, as they learnt the same from their parents.
What you can focus on is breaking the cycle. Cutting out ties is an option but I won’t recommend. But try to find other ways.
What I do is voice my concern in a mild and assertive tone (aggressive behaviour will root up further aggression) and stick to my principles. You will need to draw a line with them and assert that everytime they cross. Talk in your natural tone and avoid shouting or talking aggressively. It hardly helps in diffusing the situation.
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SCutting them off IS breaking the cycle.
Because everytime this is brought up, people just gun for the parents, saying they’re and YOU owe them because they brought you in this world. Doesn’t matter how bad the parents.
I’m glad the OP is doing this and I hope more people cutoff their parents. Because seeing other parents left to fend for themselves and shamed by their own children is the only way to show that their bullshit will not stand and they have no right to treat kids like they owe them something.
They canNOT be talked to. In fact when OP leaves, the relatives and neighbours will sympathise with the parents saying “ladki haath se nikal gayi.”
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SI am very low contact with my parents and it’s amazing. First time I slept through the night in my life was after I moved away. Stop giving people advice to stay enmeshed with toxic family.
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MBring a cat at home. I know one close family where the only daughter was saved as the focus shifted on the cat.
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SHad two dogs, that didn’t help. Please stop using singular examples of what you perceive to be success stories to justify your frankly dangerous advice. I work in the Violence against Women and Girls field, worked in a support role for different kinds of abuse including financial, sexual, emotional, familial and domestic. I’ve spoken to hundreds and thousands of people – men, women, children, non-binary people – who’ve survived narcissistic abuse. The advice you state harms more than it helps.
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SYou have no idea if it actually helped the families you know or if their outside behaviour settled into patterns you think are safe. You also do not know if internal trauma was healed or if the victims/survivors of abuse are just masking to cope with having to live in an abusive situation, or if they were lying to you because they see you as unsafe. Your single person examples are against how whole systems and support institutions operate globally. Please stop with the uninformed, anecdotal evidence and opinions. As I said before, it harms more people than it helps.
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ASupreme Court advocate here:
Emancipation laws don’t exist in India. Which means, legally, you won’t be able to disassociate with your parents. Furthermore, once your parents are over 60, they’re entitled to receive maintenance from you.
However, you’re an adult. You have every right to leave and stop associating yourself with them. So, I’d advise you do that. Take control of your life.
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**Disclaimer: The information provided above does not, and is not intended to, constitute legal advice; instead, all information, content, and materials available are strictly for general informational purposes only and create no liability on the provider of said information. Readers should contact their attorney to obtain advice with respect to any particular legal matter.**
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AYes. Even then. The law is very much settled on this matter.
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**Disclaimer: The information provided above does not, and is not intended to, constitute legal advice; instead, all information, content, and materials available are strictly for general informational purposes only and create no liability on the provider of said information. Readers should contact their attorney to obtain advice with respect to any particular legal matter.**
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AYes. But that is also exactly why I added a second para which has advice more tailor made to suit the OP.
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**Disclaimer: The information provided above does not, and is not intended to, constitute legal advice; instead, all information, content, and materials available are strictly for general informational purposes only and create no liability on the provider of said information. Readers should contact their attorney to obtain advice with respect to any particular legal matter.**
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IA lawyer here. Interesting question (from legal point of view). Personal laws are different for different religions. If Hindu laws apply to you, then I believe you can separate from them, and don’t inherit or take any assets from them. In that case you won’t be held responsible to maintain your parents. I don’t think emancipation is legally possible in India. In either case, you’re already an adult, so emancipation is out of question.
Still, before acting on any advice, speak with a lawyer. -
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FDon’t even start moral policing me now, i entered medicine because they wanted it, I cracked neet and got into a goverment medical college too.
They are the one who brought me to this world, they are supposed to pay for basic necessities when I’m a kid
Should I also be thankful that they gave me food for all these years.-
SThey’re not entitled to pay for anything apart from your nutrition and health body if they think the same way
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MBullshit logic. If you can’t take care of your child you should not breed. After adult they can take their own decisions.
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FYou don’t have to worry about my kid, because I’m not having one, me and my partner decided to stay Childfree. But definitely I’m feeling sorry your kids ans people around you.
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SIt’s their fucking job to feed her, clothe her, and pay for her education.
She owes them nothing, THEY owe her everything.
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FDamm dude, I feel sorry your coming blood line. Not entitled to give me education? Are you frekkin nuts?
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PI hope you didn’t complete mbbs on parents money. Unless you have not depended on them after you became 18, you still owe
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FGosh! They are the one who brought me to this world
People like you makes be in to be in no contact with immediate family a taboo for our own well being-
HYou should have moved out as soon as you turned 18 (adult), I think that’s when their (parents) responsibility of bringing you to the world should have ended.
It’s not too late, if they forced you in toy MBBS , you can still make it right. Move out and trash your degree . May the force be with you 🙂
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HI am sorry to say, but you might be immature still…
I feel yoh should take the situation to develop your personal character, relationships and serving your family members while maintaining your self respect…
What would you do if your life partner turns out to be more worse than your parents? At this rate you might apply for divorce and end up alone finally fighting lonliness…
Time to mature.
If you had posted same thing in r/relationshipadvice or similar subs, you might get a complete different assessment.
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SWhat if your boyfriend turns out to be worse than your parents, so don’t leave your horrible parents?
Are you mad? Like loneliness is literally better than parents like that.
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HI see you throw the phase “responsibility of parents” too much… How would you like to describe “responsibility of children to their parents”, or do you even really think, children should have no responsibility towards their parents because we are conceived and brought into this world without consent so we are no way responsible towards our parents in any way at all?
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Wthey just need the HAPPINESS and to provide for them when they get old, however HAPPINESS at the cost of your well-being isn’t SMTH I would suggest someone to do.
Providing can be done.
However leaving them is always an OPTION and a GOOD one if they KEEP up their shitty behaviour and FUCK the mental WELLBEING
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VOnly option is to move somewhere they don’t know about and hard to contact. Moving different states wont cut if, abroad would be better option in long term as well.
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SPeople are genuinely so pathetic in the comments.
Your parents didn’t see do you a favour by feeding you, clothing you, and paying for your education.
It’s their fucking job. It came with the set unconditional responsibilities the moment they decided to have a kid.
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PHey mate.
I’ve finished my MD and cut off all ties with my narcissistic parents. Not legally, but practically. You need to start earning and move out.
Good luck! -
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SParents are not landlords of your soul. To be born through them does not make them your masters. Gratitude is not bondage. True love allows freedom—if they cannot grant it, you must claim it.
Your parents demands i.e career, marriage, behavior are part of a script they inherited from their own societal unconscious conditioning. To live for others expectations is to die every day. Your anger is not against them, but against the unconsciousness societal conditioning they represent.
You cannot wake up someone pretending to sleep but in this case it’s the parents and not the neighbours, so may be give one more try…
Try to have dialogue with them without loosing your patience, and in a non threatening and understanding manner. Address the fears behind their decisions…
In extreme cases like if you met with an accident you may have to depend on them also viceversa is true. So family is like a fortune in plain sight and saftey net to fall on to. So imo try to protect it as much as you can….
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CYou cannot legally but good news is, you don’t have to do it legally. All you have to do with narcissistic parents is – detach emotionally. And you’ll realise the power within yourself.
Here’s recommending a book, spend the money for this book and there’s all the empowerment you’ll need to move forward. Trust me. I was going through same questions that you just asked only two years ago and now I’m in a different place mentally and physically and my nparent don’t even care if I exist …Book: Power: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse https://g.co/kgs/UxZwScf
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ALegally there is nothing recognised as separation from parents. In practice, yes, you are free to stop all contacts with people you don’t want to be associated with.
On second thoughts, your parents remind you of the efforts they put on raising you. And you don’t see that a great thing as it was “their responsibility anyways”. Do you think you don’t have any responsibility towards your parents ??? What attitude of yours is forcing them to “remind” you that they fulfilled their responsibility as parents ?? Maybe you need to introspect. -
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AFor whatsoever reason it is, you then agree that you have decided to NOT fulfill the responsibilities of being a daughter to your parents. Then at least don’t have the audacity to say that whatever your parents did for you “was their responsibility”.
Am only discussing the logical aspect here. Due to lack of comprehensive information, I won’t comment on who is right or wrong in the conflict between you. -
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RHi OP, I’m in similar situation. There are unfortunately next to none legal options available for us. (I’m not sure if there could be some provisions for you as a woman, not a legal expert. But I’ve none as a man). But we really need to fight for our freedom. They will never realise that we are our own separate person. There is absolutely no shame and judgment in planning to go no contact with them. If that is possible, work towards it. I know its scoffed off in our culture but fuck this culture man, this is a ripe breeding ground for abuse and trauma. Are you seeing any therapist or counselor? I recommend you do it if that is possible for you. Also you might want to look into enmeshment to learn if that is the case with your family dynamics. It is possible to get out of it. Its hard and it will take time but fight for your freedom and life, you deserve it.
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