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UI got married almost 8years back. And although we have had some good times and memories, I could never feel the strong connection of love with her. Both of us have been fulfilling all our duties responsibilities.
But since last almost 1-1.5 years i feel too disconnected with my wife, and seems to have fallen completely out of love with her, though i still care for her a lot.
Even though am worried of her being terribly hurt, selfishly thinking about my happiness, I am contemplating divorce.Is falling out of love or not being in love any more, a valid reason for divorce? (In case it doesn’t go mutually)
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UMay I know why you feel disconnected….same thing I get to hear from my husband also…very similar situation.
It’s just so sad to hear it every time same thing from partner.
If you would have married other women instead of her what do you think would make both of you better emotionally connected.
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UFor starter our marital life had never been exciting, the soft touch, soft little moments of intimacy, bit naughtiness or being coy.. from my perception, I had tried initially, but never felt it coming from the opposite.
May be i never felt love the way i have wanted, from her. for me love is something different., an unspoken unexplained pull towards each other .., maarpit rahega.. , possessiveness, illogical jealousy, overflowing intimacy… being kiddish, thoda pagalpan…
She have taken some responsibility over time, learnt taking them.. have tried in family things.. but where am I? My emotions ? Never has tried to touch the inner me..
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UDid you discuss same thing with her ?
What was her response.
May be she is also feeling emotional disconnected from you .Is she holding resentments?
Do you have kids ?-
UNo, we don’t have kids.
Yes i started dropping hints or tried saying things since around 1 -1.5 yrs back. But she is clueless.
She doesn’t feel the disconnect.
We recently had a small trip, and on the 2nd last night i asked her how’s the trip going, how is she feeling abt connection with me.. she was happy and said that she feels it.. whereas i had been lost in myself, distant throughout. When I stated that, she was sort of clueless, and fumbled that she felt me a little distant. There lies the biggest issue, when I am feeling super distant, she barely understands.Since then we have been trying to talk, taking couple’s therapy. She opened up about some old resentments of her..
But all in all, I am not seeing an end to the tunnel. Once love is lost, the connection which was even barely there, lost.. there is little chance of igniting the flames again
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UDear ,
From my perspective, relationship takes effort from both side.good that you are taking therapy. Keep continuing it .
Try to build good relationships with her parents, her close friends.
Don’t think about kids now… relationship gets even more complicated after kids.Divorce is very big thing..what do you want to do with your life after that ..have you thought about it.
What is guarantee that second marriage will be successful.
Obviously I am not aware about every details of your relationship. based on what you have said I would suggest don’t think about divorce rather you both should together work in fixing things.
It is not impossible to ignite spark in relationships.
Work on resentments. It’s biggest reason why ppl don’t heal or are not able to move on.How are her relationships with your parents/ family.
Does she consider sharing her problems with you ?
Are you able to resolve it.In my case , my husband used to say same thing like you.
He ended up cheating me multiple times , we have toddler.I have lots of resentments stored in me..very difficult for me to move on now.
We have not thought about therapy now..because of financial crisis.
He lost his job , got addiction of casino , cheated me , visits Thai spa and so much more.His family is very selfish..everyone is just behind his money.
Even after all this he expects me to build good relationships with his family.
I have no contact with his family now.I stay at my parents place.
Don’t know about future how to fix so much issues .That is why I want to suggest you…if you have less issues than me…please work on finding solutions rather than divorce.
Divorce should be very last on your list .
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FLawyer here.
No, falling out of love is not grounds for divorce.
Although i have to ask why not try couple’s counselling or something before taking that step
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UNot all married people feel love for their partner at all times. They go through different phases involving losing spark and feeling loveless but that doesn’t mean one should break it off.
You should try couple counselling and try different things to ignite the spark and when nothing seems to solve it then only think of breaking it else you might regret.
Also, why do you think you won’t feel the same with some other person if you take divorce?
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UDivorce is a decision that should be and must be taken only after you have convinced yourself that you are no more in love and there is no scope of negotiation, and meaningful conversaion with your partner. In Indian courts – they mostly try to have a compromise through mediator – here compromise meaning – arriving on a mutual decision which could be anything either seperation or trying out once again.
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UI feel you are a deep and passionate lover who expects more attention, caring from your partner. From your other comment it feels your wife is more practical compared to you. I maybe wrong too. She isn’t connecting with you emotionally that’s why you are feeling distant from her. Love goes through boring phases too, which elderly forget to tell their children.
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