- This topic has 57 replies, 31 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 5 months ago by
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UHi, I’m 36 M , my wife and I are planning to get a divorce and were undergoing IVF process.
My wife says she still wants to go ahead with embryo transfer but I am not keen on having a child. I understand embryos are owned by both husband and wife and needs consent from both to go ahead with embryo transfer. Can I as a husband in my individual capacity make a request to hospital to withdraw my consent? What options do I have legally? -
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HWhy would you want to have kids with someone you are planning to get divorce with. She’s gonna trap u into giving her a child support and trust me divorce process wont be easy.
Goodluck
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UTrap into child support…but like how much money from it can she even spend for herself if it’s anyway going for a baby…no one is gaining much in the situation. She still has to look after a baby…he still has to pay…child won’t have a proper family…what good will ever come from making him pay other than that the child is able to sustain basic human functions ?
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UDivorcing thing happened a month ago whereas IVF process has started atleast 3 months ago. Hadn’t planned for divorce, things just aren’t working out between us. I thought a baby might but it’s beyond repair now.
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UHow do people even come to this conclusion that having a kid will rekindle their relationship!
Oh wait it’s the archaic idea passed down by generations of Indian parents. They say have a kid and then it will be alright. When in reality they mean, have a kid and then you won’t want to live without the kid, you’ll need to support the kid so no seperation. Yay! Societal reputation saved. And we get a grandchild. Double bonanza!
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UI think OP wants to dump his wife because she can’t conceive. If things weren’t working out why will she risk going for IVF? IVF is very very difficult and risky for women. It increases chances for cancer etc. Plus they extract her eggs.
They make it look normal in India because couples are under pressure to have a baby somehow. She gave this everything she had. OP is dumping her and giving excuses.-
UI am not dumping her.
It’s all about the boundaries that we draw are never respected by her. I always make it a point to respect it. Anyway it’s a long story I just can’t take it more. Both of us are not happy. In fact she initiated the discussion on divorcing. -
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SStop spreading misinformation about ivf. There are people who will read it and think it’s a problematic procedure. It is not.
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UThere are literally 10 million IVF babies on the planet. Stop with your bullshit. There are ivf babies that have now grown up and had kids of their own.
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UThat does not make IVF safe. It is always the last resort. This is exactly what I was saying in my comments.People are so oblivious to the inside story of IVF. Repeated hormonal injections and procedures to extract eggs etc. In the US they only let you do it three times. In India I know people who got it done 7 times. I am not against IVF. But to dismiss the risks off as bullshit is reckless and disrespectful to the women who go.through so much to be able to have a child.
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GIdk how do people come to that conclusion that a baby fixes a relationship. Once you conceive, you won’t have time for each other for the next 18 years.
How the hell does it fix a relationship? On the contrary, you’re just tied to each other with a responsibility that’s so stressful, it could actually ruin your relationship further.
I have been married for a year, and I get to hear this nonsense that a baby will add spark to my relationship. No , it won’t. It’ll just stress me further.
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UExactly. But old folks don’t care for that. So maybe they lie or maybe they think the end justifies the means. Or maybe they think continuing to live together = happy relationship? I don’t know. But I believe having given birth to children, after raising them to adulthood they should realize the truth if they look back at their own lives. No?
Regardless, never go for it until you and your partner fully feel ready for the added responsibility.
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UThe transfer requires signature/consent from both parents (husband and wife). You need to call and email the clinic, inform them about your divorce situation and that you withdraw your consent for the embryos to be used.
Which city are you in? I have done ivf in both bangalore and Mumbai, and in both they legally and ethically cannot proceed without the explicit consent of both the to-be mother and father.
Please make it very very clear to the clinic, and ivf doctor of your decision. Go in person and sign whatever you have to that you are not consenting anymore.
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UThanks! Yes signatures were taken on a consent form. That’s what I was thinking of withdrawing it.
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USorry it’s come to this. Infertility and ivf especially is a very grueling process – both physical and mental (especially on the woman). It is a true testing time for not just your own individual resilience, but also your relationship.
Wish you both all the best.
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UThank you. I’m really not dumping her because of the baby thing . I’m at the lowest point in my life. Never felt so helpless and no it’s not the baby thing. I’ve done probably everything for her whatever she asked. But all I get in return is constant nagging, arguments. It’s like i enabled her with listening to all her tantrums etc . That monster kept getting bigger , I’m losing my sanity. I’ve lost all my self esteem and just don’t feel confident about myself anymore. Things have gotten so bad I don’t have feelings and don’t feel like doing anything for her.
I’ve reached a dead end of my life-
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UI think she’s also not happy with me and I don’t want to spoil her life anymore. I don’t think I can be the man she wants me to. Our frequencies don’t match and don’t think will ever match. Thanks for your response.
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UIf you go to certain women centric reddit all they talk about is how men want bang maids and don’t care about their wives. This reply here is what men are about. Trying to be the man their spouse can rely and lean on. I’m sorry it didn’t work out OP. Your heart was in the right place. No one could see that.
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UI’m truly sorry. Bringing a child into this would not fix anything and only make it worse!
Wish you both peace and happiness with, or without each other.
But please take the necessary precautionary steps to discard the embryos from your end. You don’t want to be stuck in a spiteful situation down the road.
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UDon’t go ahead. You have all rights to stop the transfer. Bring child to this world after Divorce is not a right thing. Child needs both the parents. You may need to co parent after the divorce and it’s not easy. Go ahead only if you are willing to reconcile and stay together. Else stop the process. Don’t agree to the transfer.
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UDo not let her have your child. You will be forever trapped and she knows that. The fact she wants your child is crazy. Literally a baby trap. So sane women who knows a divorce is happening would then want a child with that person unless she plans on using it in court or to trap that person. She knows at her age most men will pass.
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VOp, everything this guy said is right. Your consent is necessary for the transfer. However, I’d suggest you don’t leave too long. If your wife somehow gets the transfer done and has a kid then you’ll be liable for the child support.
Please hurry with this and leave nothing to chance. Meet with the doctor and let them know this. Also, send an email and cc it to the doctor and to the hospital or whoever else involved. Just because you told the doctor doesn’t mean it’s done, have an email trail.
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BAs per court it’s her body her choice. Husband consent is not required. Its only his sperm
IVF Without Husband Consent in India: Recent Court Rulings and Women’s Rights
And once she carries baby then maintainance need to be bear by you. Irrespective of consent in the end baby is of her husband.
Btw process of divorce is tedious you can ask her to continue process of IVF after divorce. Just see her reaction and this case court will have to think of something new in term of Women empoverment. The decision will be a win win for you or sociery irrespective of court’s decision.
Take the opportunity to improve women impoverment.
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UYou are ill informed. These judgements are made with respect to wife getting IVF done with donor sperm not the husband’s and therefore the courts said that his consent is not required.
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UNAL
She owns her body. It’s her choice. She will own the embryo. If you let her have a baby and then get divorce, you will owe her both alimony and child support.
Why would you want a baby with someone who you are divorcing? Sometimes I don’t get people.
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AIt’s his sperm so he has a say in it, doesn’t matter if she owns the embryo, if she wants to have a kid and op doesn’t want to, then she shouldn’t expect any kind of involvement from op and it’s very manipulative plus expecting child support is out of question. And one should be smart enough to understand that having kids when both parents are ready gives a better environment for the kid and single parent will have difficulties with that plus finding a partner after that becomes a hassle because nobody would want to take care of someone else’s child, when the other partner will have their own kid and this would lead to toxic treatment for the step child.
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UI think OP wants to dump his wife because she can’t conceive. If things weren’t working out why will she risk going for IVF? IVF is very very difficult and risky for women. It increases chances for cancer etc. Plus they extract her eggs.
They make it look normal in India because couples are under pressure to have a baby somehow. She gave this everything she had. OP is dumping her and giving excuses. -
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UNAL… But don’t cluck around… Don’t bring a kid into this world if you aren’t going to be around to take care of the little one, emotionally, financially or otherwise…
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UYou realise that you also have a say in this, don’t you? Then why are you putting up with this even now?
No means no!
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ULook I can never reason with her and her closed ones. They aren’t rational people. Im just exploring my options and would take action rather can get into a painful argument which leads to nowhere.
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UI’m not sure if it’s clear. Im very clear it’s a NO!!!
And I’m gonna do whatever it takes to withdraw consent with the hospital. The purpose of this post is to understand legally would she be able to override my withdrawal of consent legally and go ahead with embryo transfer? My gut says no if I withdraw my consent. Makes sense? -
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UWithdraw your consent at the earliest. You don’t want to raise a child which is similar to the person you dislike. Upon that there will a financial burden for next 20-25 years of life. The child in high probability not even have slightest attachment with you.
Divorce and start a family with someone you can spend your life with.
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PIf you are going through a divorce, do not think about having a child together. Every child needs a stable and happy home to live and to grow. Talk to your wife and make her understand that ultimately that you have to think from the perspective of the child, who needs both the parents. You withdraw your consent or don’t give consent, if she still insists.
**Disclaimer:** In the absence of all the facts of the case, the comments given may not be the best solution for your case. One on one consultation with a legal counsel/ advocate is advised to get better guidance.
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