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UMy father has been a alcoholic his entire life , but it was manageable until the last 1month or so , He has been traumatising my mother and us since childhood with constant verbal abuse and demeaning of my mom , my mom is uneducated and completley financially dependent on him ,and now he does this everyday openly says i go out with young girls. , i buy them clothes chocolates etc .
When my mom says i will leave he just says leave now i dont want you ,I have younger brother who is 12, I have a job but i dont earn enough to complete his education and also take care of the house.
My mom has accepted the fact that he cheats and she doesnt wanna leave caus society , I know things are complicated and i wont force her or get between her decision
My father has a lot of money he earns around 8-9lakhs a month
Till now things were stable but i can sense them getting worse and if the situation arises ,
I just want to know my legal options.And my father has a lot of friends and reputation , he has friends in police and courts too .
I want to play it very smartly and not do any mistakes which gives him the upper hand if at all things go to legal action.
He never phsycially abused mom tho and has not admitted to sexual relations with other girls , but he admitted to hanging out with them and even has photos with them , are selfies and whatsapp chats proof enough?
Pleae advise me what can be done in this situation
Right now my mom said -“theek he abhi mujhe pta he ye vo bhot saalon se krre he but abhi himmat bhot aagyi he and openly bolre he mereko ki me esa krta hu, divorce vgerha toh samaaj me bhot naam khraab hoga ,par dekhenge abhi tu tension mat le”
I really want to help her out -
UYour mother seems like a strong and wise person.
Better to not become a party in this.. as this is between husband and wife and you cannot have all the information.
Maybe he just teases her wife or likes to hang out with new people and still loves his wife a lot.
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UAlso he has mental health problems , he was suffering from depression a while back we got it treated went to psychiatrist therapy it was good till 10 days but now he has gone complete opposite , in a manic episode and is not ready to accept that he is doing wrong things and unwilling to accept any help
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UThese are the situations divorce, alimony and maintainance are made for.
If he is abusive towards all three pf you it’s best to get away before the trauma burden becomes too much, counsel your mom and leave, your little brother will thank you later.
It’s not a healthy environment to raise kids and things will never get better, especially when alcoholism is involved.
Get your mother away from your father and then take your father to a psychiatrist to help him quit alcohol.
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UIf your father is so well educated and resourceful why dont you take yourself to the next level? Go study Abroad and earn lots of money. Why to settle in a minial job? The only way you can help your mom and brother is to get successful & powerful yourself.
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UForget about your mother follow her lead & You’ll end up becoming like her.
How’s your relationship with your father?
Does he care for you? He doesn’t like your mother because she is uneducated but is he willing to support you in future studies?
8 lacs per month is a truck load sum of money. There is no shame in utilising your own fathers money.
Try to persuade him to invest in you.-
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UI knew that already by your tone. I can understand your feelings but there is no nobility in being poor & powerless. You are not stealing from anybody you are his blood and using his money doesn’t make you contribute in his wrong doings. It’s your birth right by religion & by State law.
Try to think logically rather than by emotionally. Don’t ruin your own life. Just look around how People suffer their whole life because they are poor & powerless.
Do you want to be like them? Become something that you can sit beside his chair & then tell him how horrible a person he is. You can save your own mother & your brother will be on your side too at that time. He’ll beg you for forgiveness I promise.
Your story hit me hard because my best friend also faced the same situation in his life & now he is the boss of the house and his mother is so proud of him.
Good luck
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UGet your mother and brother away from your father OP. Tell your mother it’s alright to separate from an abusive partner, most our parents are from a generation where separation is considered worse than death but a persons entire existence shouldn’t be misery.
Think about the effect this is having on your little brother’s mental health, watching a parent suffer scars you forever.
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MYeah but your previous advice didn’t give any useful advice on alimony and here the father is rich and influential whereas OP is not.
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MHe can use his influence to make the wife lose the case, prevent the divorce or buy her lawyer with money or remove the evidences or show the wife is in the wrong by creating new evidences against her so his influence and money means a lot in this case, you can’t take it lightly
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SDear OP. Divorce is not a solution to all your problems. You seem blinded by your love towards your mother. I suggest you to work on your career and get a stable income. Even if your mother wins a contested divorce, your father has to only pay child support till you are 18. After divorce he will not stop being your father. Will you just abandon him in his old age? Hasn’t he given you education and financial support.? Please think of some other soft measures to deal with your problems. Try to get him to therapy or medication. Speak to the people he will respect and ask them to talk to him about his drinking. And as far as the girlfriends are concerned.. There is no law in India prohibiting one to not have a girlfriend or click pictures with them and this is definitely not a ground for divorce.
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UHe does not respect anyone anymore , nobody wants to talk wtih him anymore and slightest mention of that please dont drink will make lose his shit and he will keep shouting
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PYour mother hasn’t decided on divorcing your father yet. So, don’t push her to go for a divorce. But you can help her by sending your father to rehabilitation program for alcoholics, if that is possible. That may help him stop other vices.
Counseling also could help. if nothing helps, your mother has array of options to choose from to fight legally.
As far as for your well being, invest your time in learning something new or improving your career or something that makes you happy. Take time out to spend with your mother, if within your means take her out, let her also feel the world. See if there is anything she’s interested in that she can learn/ do and earn some income for herself. Eg. Cooking videos, handicraft, tailoring, etc. which she can do from home. Women must be empowered, having a small amount of money that she earned will make her a different person.
This is not a legal advice… Trying to put across a positive vibe…
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UShe can still live separately and claim some amount of Maintenance, if you are Hindus.
**Right of a married woman to reside separately and claim maintenance, even if she is not seeking a divorce or any other major matrimonial relief, has been recognised in Hindu law alone.**
A Hindu wife is entitled to reside separately from her husband without forfeiting her right of maintenance under the Hindu Adoptions and Maintenance Act, 1956. The Act envisages certain situations in which it may become impossible for a wife to continue to reside and cohabit with the husband, but she may not want to break the matrimonial tie for various reasons ranging from growing children to social stigma.
Pls read – [https://lawbhoomi.com/maintenance-laws-in-india/#Definition_of_Maintenance_Law](https://lawbhoomi.com/maintenance-laws-in-india/#Definition_of_Maintenance_Law)
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