- This topic has 15 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 4 months ago by
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USoo I’ve been married for three years now.
It was AM but with an acquaintance and we had a good rapport n understanding all the while.
We don’t hav a kid yet. Hes a nice guy. Nothing majorly lik red flags w him.
I was scrolling through his insta when I realised he’s having another random insta page..I mean an all together different account ( with. A fake name) . I impulsively clicked on it and found he’s not following any friends or acquaintances.. it had a hero’s photo as dp and the following included only actresses/ heroines/ weird posting girls on insta/ models ( basically women showing adult content/ having a lot of male gaze)
I was shocked to the core.
The worst part is I opened the chats.. and OMG
He’s been replying to random women’s stories lik HOT, Wat a bod, disgusting compliments.. obviously no reply from the other end.I scrolled down a bit n noticed dat the chat threads were from the past 2 years but with some gaps in between.
I don’t know wat to think of this
Should I confront him?
Should I take the matters to the family?
Should I dump him. idk.I’m still reeeling from the shock of it all.
Pls let me know what I can do!!!
Ps- I’m too scared to break this even to my best friend or sister. Everyone likes him. He’s like the perfect guy from the outside. I don’t know but it s really affecting me .
To put it out simply, had it been a sister of yours going through this , what would you suggest? -
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SDon’t break off the marriage. Confront him yourself and see what he has to say. If you bring it up in the family his reputation will be destroyed. And for a man his pride is everything. That might push things to a point of no return in your relationship. As you said he is a decent guy from the outside. Maybe he is addicted to porn and maybe he has a high libido which you aren’t able to satisfy that is making him lurk around such pages. He might not want to hurt you which is why isn’t pushing you and demanding more sex in turn he has deviced a convenient way as an outlet for his feelings. Don’t make assumptions. It is better that you ask the guy what’s going on with him.
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Uhttps://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/using-porn-is-cheating/
To those who think watching porn is not cheating, please read the above article for awareness. A marriage/relationship thrives on honesty, and no matter what the consequences, one must be open about their sexual interests so what the other can decide whether or not they can live with the person with said interests or share their interests or have their own pursuits, it’s a two way street …
For those who’d tldr:
Dictionary Definition of a Cheat: A person who behaves dishonestly to gain an advantage.
In this case, the partner is behaving dishonestly to gain the advantage of keeping his partner in this dishonest relationship, without any consequences to actions, by withholding the truth/under an alias/ trying to hookup but getting ghosted/ or the sort, and yada yada. . .
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UBRAIN ROT people, this is cheating. Meeting with people, wth…When was porn addiction an excuse. Seek counselling and therapy, and make sure to seek legal advice sideways ,if things turn bad. Talk to him and keep the recordings. Collect all the proofs and keep the file to your trusted friend or family members. Clear your path and let a trusted friend know the current situation. Confront your husband.
Mam, I know it is a tough situation. Would not judge you if you forgive him but I hope you know dishonesty in any form in a marriage is wrong. You do not have kids, so you have time. Having kids with a disloyal man is a hellhole. Not only will you suffer, but your kids will suffer too and they will know no matter how much you try to hide it. Think wisely, consult trusted family members and then take a decision.
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UI think you should really talk to him. When you talk, you are talking to listen to him and hear him out and understand if this man is trustworthy or not. How does he explain his behaviour, does he think it is wrong does he defend it does he deny it … this will give you a better idea about the man you married.
Definitely go to a counsellor. They are objective and will help you understand the situation better.
If it turns out to be harder than you can handle, let it go. Move on. -
SI see many people acting as if watching anything sexual or looking at other women is also a crime and should be punished.
I see that he is looking at adult content which in normal for an adult, but you mentioned he tried to meet up with someone which is crossing the line.
You also mentioned they cancelled the plans and stopped; I think you believe they did not indulge any further.
You guys need some sex education or therapy. There are psychologists who specialize in sexual counselling.
The fact that you are scared and shocked that he is watching some content shows that you also need some sex education and need to understand adult sexual behaviors.
Some things are normal, and some would cross the line.
You are not a bot that needs specific instructions, humans have situational awareness and make the best judgement as per reality.
Criminalizing any sexual behaviors is a path to doom for any couple.
Understand things better and then draw your boundaries.
Also, this does not seem to be a suitable question for Legal advice sub but some other forum.
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UIts on you and your values if this is a big thing or not coz its kind of a grey area.. Whatever you do please please save proof first and its copies and only then confront him (if you want to) him denying everything will end the discussion , talk with proof in your hand(show it only if he denies everything)
Also if one can ask someone to meet , he can easily go and meet also…
He could have already cheated or is about to in future
Talk to him alone first see if you are satisfied with the conversation and if not .. take some days and think what you want to do if you cant live with him then take it to family and be mentally ready to part ways -
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