- This topic has 22 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 4 months ago by
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UContext: Married to an emotionally and mentally abusive woman. 99% sure she suffers from BPD, which means one day she’ll want to spend every second with me and call me the best husband in the world, and next she’ll say that I was the biggest mistake of her life and that she has wasted all these years being married to me.
We ended up having a child, whom I love very much and the thought of being separated from my daughter kills me.
I stopped loving this woman due to her regular abuse after a year or two after marriage. However, I still treated her like a queen. I completely lived for her and my daughter.
Lately, her abusive episodes have started lasting longer and longer. It’s broken me. I can’t imagine this ending in any way other than divorce. Whether it’s next week or 5 years from now, it will happen.
Question: How do I keep myself prepared. I know I can contact a divorce lawyer, but what about other things like removing her as the beneficiary from my investments, how do I handle my daughter’s schooling, what about all the documents where she is mentioned as my wife. Would a divorce lawyer help me with these?
In case it matters, we are Muslims. No official marriage certificate but there’s a nikahnama and her name is on my passport.
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SMy advice will be a little controversial, listen up.
I am assuming you don’t want to go through the Indian Judicial process as you will lose the custody of your daughter, might even spend a few days in jail and your parents will also get harassed and even lose your job.
Step 1
1. Reduce your expectations.
2. Stop all physical stuff
3. Develop some hobbies
4. Go to Thailand for a few days every 3 months, it’s needed for the mind and body
5. Stop communicating with your wife
6. All transactions please document, use bank transfers.
8. Install a camera in the house, but from a throw away account.
9. Don’t even think of an extra marital, not worth it.
10. Follow all the above and you will stop worrying about the divorce.It will take a year
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UThat’s the most useless shit you could’ve written.
OP do not listen to them, wait for a response from someone who can actually help. -
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VLawyer from delhi here!
First of all you need to sit your wife down and discuss whatever is going on in your head.
If possible try to solve it and if not, then you two can settle for mutual divorce.
There are a lot of things which can be done to get this started and eventually move her out of the house with the help of legal proceedings.
Feel free to reach out to discuss it in detail.
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UShe seems to be a Narcissist. Have you ever consulted a psychiatrist for her ? If not please do. You need to consult a good divorce lawyer, prepare your case first. Unless it is proven that she is not mentally fit the chances are very high that you won’t get the custody of your child. Weigh and understand everything before talking divorce with her. All the best
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CYes this is exactly what a divorce lawyer is for. You should most certainly remove her name from all documents before even having a separation, go a step further and shift the investments to someone else’s name. Have proof of her behavior and abuse for sure, no one will believe you just because you said it, get the proof and make sure other people know about it, friends, family everyone should know it.
And yes being Muslim does matter because most of the concerning and stupid laws actually come under the Hindu marriage act which isn’t applicable in your case so you’ll have a *slightly* easier time
Last bit of advice is a bit unethical but I’d highly recommend that you not try to act all honourable and perfect in this situation, the system is rigged against you as it is and your opponent can and will play dirty, put your ego aside and don’t be afraid to do the same, remember she can and likely will accuse you of abuse and domestic violence so you shouldn’t hold back from accusations of your own either
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P1. You can opt for divorce under Muslim Personal law.
2. Regarding your assets and other financial matters read the articles linked below. The article is written in general not for divorce cases under Muslim law. You can take some tips for sure.
[https://divorcebylaw.com/2024/02/14/how-to-protect-your-business-during-divorce/](https://divorcebylaw.com/2024/02/14/how-to-protect-your-business-during-divorce/)
**Disclaimer:** In the absence of all the facts of the case, the comments given may not be the best solution for your case. One on one consultation with a legal counsel/ advocate is advised to get better guidance.
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