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UI am from USA. I married a man from India. I stayed with him for 6 months after marriage. Then I went to visit my parents in USA. My husband wouldn’t let me return to India for 1 year. We were long distance for 1 year because of him insisting on it. In the last year, I tried booking my ticket to India multiple times and he would not let me return.
Then, a month ago, he finally spoke to my parents and told them he missed me and that I should come back to India. Then I went back to India after a year of not meeting him. He was not affectionate and not really excited to see me really. He didn’t want to be intimate at all and we were not.
Within a week, he called my parents and told them to take me back to USA and he will be in a long distance marriage with me.
So I went back to USA. But now my parents and I have decided we should divorce, because this time we feel really insulted that after a week only he basically kicked me out of his house. That’s not what a husband should do.
My husband is acting like nothing is wrong, he is casually calling me, and he still wants a long distance marriage. I’m pretty sure he has a personality disorder and he is also impotent. I know he is impotent because of the 6 months we lived together after marriage, but I was still willing to be with him. So any advice would be appreciated.
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Dhey so can you tell where did you guys get married? in us? or under indian law? if you were married in USA then you can apply for divorce from there only, even if you were married in india you can apply for divorce in the us, you just have to figure out some legalities. make sure you keep proof of all the messages that show his behaviour and try to have as much conversation you can via text messages , so as to keep a record.
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USometimes these posts seem unreal to me.
How did you meet this man?
He doesn’t have sex with you and doesn’t talk to you. He abandoned you for a year. And now he doesn’t want to live with you.
I mean what advice are you really looking for?
He doesn’t want you. Leave him and restart your life.
And going forward, DO NOT marry strange men living in other countries.
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UI mean she lives in the US and her parents arranged her to marry some dude back in India? Idiotic parents who also must have raised their kid in such a bubble she’s not ready for the real world.
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Qsorry, the only remedy is ripping the band-aid off in one go….do you know why he doesn’t want to divorce you and rather prefer to be in a “long-distance” marriage? because there are (rather draconic) laws regarding alimony and maintenance in India – I bet you are covered under them as you married an Indian and he will need to pay a hefty sum to you to separate (let’s say, even if you cheated on him etc i.e. there is no reason he can cook up to escape from paying the hefty sum!)
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WI’ve seen your posts before …….clearly a dysfunctional marriage with ego playing spoilsport and little scope for reconciliation it seems …..your husband is still holding some grudge and resentment against you , seems like he has moved on but also want to keep the married tag for some reason …..did you try re conciliating with him…… 1 year is a long time to be separated hostilely for newly weds ….no marriage can survive such blow ……lots can change in 1 year ……..who let that happen …….clearly there is no love left in this marriage so divorce and end this sham of marriage asap
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SCouldn’t see anyone mentioning it, but why did he had to call your parents, duh?! He should ideally speak to you, even if to come to India or go back.
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TLDR will never work. Secondly he is hiding something I don’t know what exactly. Better stay with your parent and file a divorce. So as a good man he beg you to come and within 1 week he is fed up with you not willing to.be intimate either. After 1 week he want you to.go.back. this is bad. Honestly I.also feel you are not in.safe hands. He is acting weird.
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SThere are so many Private investigators who will find out all the information around this person – hire one, sign a contract with dates and deliverables. In some time you and your parents will get an answer. Best hire a well established agency.
Get your detailed report- either way get professional opinion from a lawyer based in US about the best route to adopt.
Highly likely he could be gay.
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UOP should mention what reasons did husband give for
1) Insisting on her not to return from the USA
2) Then calling parents to beg her return after a yearDid OP asked her husband reasons for his actions ? Like any normal human would do and mention them !
Maybe OP & her husband don’t know the concept of marriegge !
You marry you stay together !
Unless there are reasons to not being together ! -
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UEvery side has two coins. I have seen only yours so here I amS
Firstly – I’m really sorry you’re going through this—it sounds like an incredibly frustrating and emotionally exhausting situation. From what you’ve shared, it seems like your husband has been controlling, emotionally distant, and inconsistent in his actions, which understandably has left you feeling disrespected and confused.
1. Legal Considerations (Divorce & Rights)
Since you and your parents are considering divorce, here are a few things to keep in mind:
If you were married under Indian law (Hindu Marriage Act, Special Marriage Act, etc.):
• You can file for divorce in India or in the USA (since you are a US citizen and lived there).
• The best legal ground for divorce in your case could be:
• Cruelty (mental/emotional neglect) – His behavior of keeping you away, refusing intimacy, and then sending you back could be seen as mental cruelty.
• Desertion – If he has abandoned the marital relationship (which he essentially has).
• Non-consummation – If he is truly impotent and unwilling to be physically involved, this can be a valid ground for divorce in some jurisdictions.If you were married under US law (or want to file in the USA):
• Divorce in the USA is often simpler than in India, as you don’t need to prove fault (you can file under “irreconcilable differences”).
• Since you have been living in the USA, it may be easier to get a divorce there.
• If you have any joint financial accounts, shared property, or assets, it’s important to sort those out legally.Actionable Step: Consult a divorce lawyer in your state and get clarity on whether to file in the USA or India. If he refuses to cooperate, you can still proceed with a unilateral divorce.
2. Emotional & Psychological Aspect
From your description, his behavior is inconsistent and manipulative:
• He kept you away for a year.
• Then, he begged you to return but was cold and distant when you did.
• Within a week, he asked you to leave and insisted on long-distance marriage.
• Now, he’s acting like nothing happened and still wants the marriage, but only on his terms.This lack of stability and the way he’s treated you is not normal in a healthy relationship. Whether or not he has a personality disorder, his actions show emotional detachment and lack of commitment.
If he was truly serious about the marriage, he would have:
✅ Allowed you to return earlier.
✅ Shown warmth and effort when you came back.
✅ Respected you as an equal partner.Instead, he’s treating you as an afterthought. It’s completely understandable that you and your family feel insulted.
Actionable Step: Focus on your mental well-being—therapy or counseling could help you process this emotionally and move forward with confidence.
3. Should You Stay in a Long-Distance Marriage?
You already gave this marriage multiple chances, and his actions show he doesn’t want a real, committed relationship.
• He doesn’t respect the partnership.
• He controls when you can and can’t return.
• He avoids intimacy and emotionally withdraws.If he was unwilling to be present in the marriage when you lived together, there’s no reason to believe a long-distance setup will improve things.
Actionable Step: Block communication with him if he continues to manipulate you. If he genuinely wants to make things work, he should show commitment—not just casual phone calls.
4. What’s the Best Next Step?
1️⃣ Get legal advice → Choose whether to file for divorce in the USA or India.
2️⃣ Prioritize your emotional health → Don’t engage in unnecessary conversations with him.
3️⃣ Cut emotional dependency → He has repeatedly disrespected your presence in his life. You deserve better than a one-sided relationship.
4️⃣ Think about your future → Do you really want to be stuck in a long-distance marriage with someone who treats you as an option?Based on everything you’ve shared, divorce seems like the right step—not just from a legal standpoint, but for your peace of mind and self-respect.
You are strong for recognizing the situation and standing up for yourself. Sending you support, and I hope you find clarity soon! 💛
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SI guess he is trying to get you mad so you will call the divorce.
If it is actually what it is, meet a lawyer. The rules here are really in favour of the women even when they are wrong. But if he is wrong use them well. If he is not wrong and you’re making up part of the story, plz just get a divorce without being too hard on him legally and financially -
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EI think , he married u for d visa and keeping his family quiet… it seems he s still in closet & being married to u, is his perfect alibi, in front of his parents & relatives..& if he s interested in Visa, that wud b best of both worlds for him coz no one will question him & he can be USA, under d pretext of being married & live with some guy.. coz , I think , in India , still ppl are not very open about accepting kids , as they are… pls think about urself..
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CI hv many married female friends who somewhat face the same problem. Their husbands hv became Impotent due to excessive masturbation during their teen years as they were too scared to approach a girl or built any relationship. Now to hide their Impotency, they become Bollywood heroes for their wives in front of Everybody, shower them with love, indulge in PDA in front of family, friends and Relatives, but when alone, they hide in a dark corner, completely scared of Intimacy. They are scared that being intimate will further prove they are Impotent and they don’t want to address this Problem or even accept it
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UEverything about this post looks fake. No one from the USA says “I am from USA”, “after that week ONLY he kicked me out”
What do y’all get on these shit posts?
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UHe wants to show the community as a married man and also wants to continue his secret relationships with other men like him. I am guessing in India being gay is looked down upon. You are anyway Ok without being intimate, so you are not that intrested in that, atleast let me him have his intimate time while he is still young. What is your problem? You live your life as you want in the US, let this indian live his.
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UHe’s lonely and he just wants someone and you are it….if he divorces he’s messed up….I am an Indian and we have a special affinity for white skin no matter how their features are… we are two different species and should remain that way, unless we really love each other….Best of luck, Dear Sister..
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