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NHi Im 23F and it’s exactly like the title says. A little context- I was hired last year through campus placements under a freshers program. After 8 months my division changed (2 weeks ago) and I was asked to relocate to a completely different city on 4 days notice. I am not in a position to say anything so I did. And 1 week into coming here, 3 very weird incidents have happened.
We had a conference followed by awards night. I have never spoken to this fairly higher up person in this organisation except when my boss introduced me to him.
1. On the morning of the conference he came up to me and said- oh you must have gotten up at 5- 6 am today. I said why and he said to get ready like this so heavily (hindi me *sajna* is the word he used) i was very taken aback because I was in complete formals showing zero body parts and minimal make up but I laughed it off.
2. He asked me in front of everyone if i drink. I answered no. And he still pressed on saying really- yes or no- and I said- it’s my first month I’m not disclosing anything please.
3. 2 of my other male colleagues took me out after the awards function because we were all waiting for our transportation back. (This is an all male team I am the only female) and they told me that when I was up on the stage asking anchoring and asking basic questions like how’s everyone feeling tonight- they heard this guy said *horny*- not once but thrice. The male leagues laughed it out and told me to maintain my distance with this guy.
I am extremely uncomfortable and weirded out. He’s my father’s age maybe more. I have not even interacted with him. It’s been literally less than a week for me post relocation and I absolutely do not feel okay leaving my safety and world behind just to come and work at a place where I’m constantly going to be terrified. I actually have zero clue how to react/feel/what to do? I am aware that posh case means people make your life hell after and you might as well be on your way out of the company. And I’m so new I have nobody to rely on or trust right now. Can someone please advice on what to do-?
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NDon’t listen to these idiots. Best case HR writes up a report and nothing else happens. Worst case you are out of work. Everything that happened till now can be explained away as innocuous.
Write down all the little instances and keep records. Also always record your calls. when you have something substantial maybe a chat or email then and then only forward everything to HR.
That’s if you actually want to raise a POSH. It looks like you don’t report to this guy. Practically it is better to ignore some comments and move on.
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UNAL.
But I think you don’t have a case. And its not necessarily POSH.
As many people already mentioned, the world is full of creeps. And if you are an attractive young woman, you need to be to learn to deal with them firmly by yourself as well and not have to run to HR or Police at every step.
I do not think he has said anything that can be construed as harassment. The 3rd comment is comment between him and other guys – AND also not specifically directed at you. Guys talk crap between each other ALL THE TIME.
The sajna comment is weird coz you dont know the guy. But its in the realm of regular banter between friends all the time.
Please read your companies POSH guidelines carefully.
Showing Interest and/or making an advance is NOT the same as Harassment.If this or any other person tells you something that makes you uncomfortable, you should be able to professionally communicate :
“Sorry sir, but this discussion is making me uncomfortable and I prefer to not continue this any further”This works 99% of the time. If it do not please report to HR indicating that you had verbally communicated your discomfort previously.
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VSpeaking as a POSH committee member
Committee doesn’t take any decision but merely recommends the course of action to be taken.
Company policy will triumph and if they have a zero tolerance policy it could lead to his exit.
You were at a workplace and it’s your employers duty to ensure you feel safe and it is their duty to ensure a favorable environment is created.
You could discuss this with your HR if you have some trust in them and know them to be fair.
If you don’t and you still want to make your discomfort known drop an email to the hotline/email id provided by the posh committee.
This will ensure atleast 1 external member is aware of the case and this gets discussed.
I haven’t dealt with a case to know how orgs actually treat an employee.
Do ascertain the company politics and hierarchy before you take the next steps.
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EIf you have proof, go to posh but also file your own case. I filed posh case against a guy who has 3 posh cases against him in the past at the same company, nothing happened because he is apparently right hand of the director. He was promoted and moved to London.
I would have dragged the company’s ass to the court if I had proof.
Please make sure you are recording every conversation with this guy. Please collect proof.
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ECollect some evidence. Don’t report directly to HR yet.
Why? Cause HR works for the company, not you. If he is someone at a senior enough level, they won’t think twice and rather remove you.
Do not count on the word your coworkers as proof either. Just remember, in corporate, you need to get stuff in writing. For everything. Be it email, WhatsApp, however it maybe be. Without proof, you are putting your job at risk cause they might just blame it on you and close it off.
Of course, if you have strong family backing, none of this matters as much. But if you have to support your family or even just yourself financially, don’t rush to report cause again, HR is not your friend. They work for the company.
Think methodically. Maintain your distance, gather proof, don’t depend on witnesses. After you have something concrete, then report to HR and let it be known to higher level people you trust as well.
I’m sorry you’re having to face this. This bs is unfortunately the norm with a lot of older people in corporate. Please stay safe.
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AGirlie. Go for it. It’s your first job. You will work hard and find another job. More salary. Better people. I know you will, even if it takes some time. But these aged people wont find another job once they get fired and have a POSH case on them. Give them what they deserve. Start collecting proofs, screenshots, recordings, etc.
I dont know how helpful your placement cell is but you should reach out to them as well so that they ban this company from placements and other colleges would come to know about this and would follow ban them too. This is lead to major problems and the company would have no option but to fire these fuckturd, lowlife, dimwit men -
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JHow about a warning mail first. Just mail the people responsible for this. You don’t need to engage in a conversation (mention this in the mail), but at-least let them know that their actions are making you uncomfortable. You don’t need to accuse them of anything yet but you can just put in the raw details. Mailing someone is a proof in itself. And you need to mention that if this thing repeats, then you’ll need to reach the higher ups. You can tell this to your manager or your team lead if you want. Making it a HR issue can potentially backfire as you’ll be coming out of the blue, however, if it doesn’t stop after this, you can go through with it.
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WConsider seeing someone who actually knows law and are not responding basis what they have read on internet. Seek legal advise. Thankfully we live in age if internet. These days POSH complaints are rarely taken lightly by anyone.
You shall know the procedure of reporting it internally but do it only after taking sound legal advise from an actual lawyer.
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CYou’d be very surprised how often companies don’t even let a formal complaint get filed. Posh fillings are to be made public which is why most HRs deter people from letting people do it and I am saying this while serving as President. The leadership gives two hoots about this and this entire committee is a sham
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ABy a button/pen spy cam. Whenever you see him approaching, start recording video. Next time he behaves like this, simply say I know you’re just kidding but I feel really uncomfortable with this. Request you to pls avoid talking like this? Keep your recorder on while doing this. If he listens, well and good. End of story. If he doesn’t, you have more concrete evidence. Keep sharing all the proofs with your loved ones. Then proceed to talk with the HR or POSH committee.
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NIt’s people like this for which even though our biased laws are abused , I’m sometimes glad that we have them to protect women in our country.
Unfortunately, others are right. The HR is there to protect the company. What you could try is talk to the HR and instead of initiating POSH, you could try and request an internal transfer mentioning the incidents that occurred without naming anyone. But I would still be on a lookout for another job nevertheless.
It’s unfair, but it is what it is.
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CI am a former President of PoSH committee and let me tell a few things before you proceed:
1. If this person comes talks to you and says something inappropriate and you were not able to record this, go to your company’s messaging service (gtalk, slack, teams) and message this person: cuz sir, today when you mentioned about my dressing up, it made me feel uncomfortable. I just wanted to pass this feedback.
2. Document everything. Recordings, written messages, screenshot and upload to personal drive.
3. He is showing predatory behaviour towards you because he knows that you are vulnerable because you are junior, you fear for your job, you might not have the same power and privilege as him. So, as a backup please immediately start searching for a job because if that piece of shit is relentless in his pursuit either he will make your life hell till you agree or he will chuck you out of the system.
4. Even when you try to file a PoSH complaint, most companies do nothing but protect the senior person. I have witnessed this happening multiple times despite the women bringing out proof. So ensure your performance is on track.
See you need to find a job and to ensure safety next time if he says something just look shocked, raise your voice and say did you mean to say this? If this feels drastic, start dropping hints that you remind me of my grandfather or father who is your age. Or jokingly say oohhh are you forgetting the PoSH training.
It’s going to be tough and the world is filled with predators. They pick out the meek ones. Be fierce!
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MI disagree that the HR would try to protect him / Company. Then again, a lot depends on the company culture. Most companies have an anonymous helpline. You can register a complaint there and say I would disclose my identity only when I feel more comfortable about it. Also, avoid the hearsay in case you go ahead with the complaint. It should only be something that you experienced yourself or would be able to prove.
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AFrom whatever you have mentioned I do not see harassment. Was he making dirty gestures while asking you the questions?
If no then it could be construed as general comment.I too ask my new team members about their drinking preferences. It helps me plan outings. If fewer people drink then we choose a restaurant otherwise a pub.
For the third instance, the posh case could be made on your male colleagues. They mentioned the joke to you. You should have told them that these comments are inappropriate and make you uncomfortable.
Also, did you move cities for the job. It happened with me when I move to say Mumbai, the women colleagues were more open and spoke their mind. Hence, there was more banter. See if the city, company has a less conservative culture.
I am probably trivialising your situation. Better note down the details of the incidents. Especially about the male colleagues sharing the joke with you. It is the only instance of sexual harassment. But on the colleagues, not the manager.
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PHR may protect the senior person/work or with other witnesses to truncate story depending on pressure on them. Go only to the POSH committee. A posh committee must always have representation of someone not from the company, a woman and a legal person.
An enquiry will be setup. Remember it’s not about their intent but about impact on you.
Suggestion: It may sound difficult to do, but if someone makes inappropriate remark please try asking them kindly to refrain from doing so. If they continue post that, it’ll only make your case stronger. -
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FTaking it up officially now based on what some male friends told has the potential to derail your case.
With this guy, what all you would need to do is, next time when he tries his monkey business, make it very evident that you do not appreciate his behavior. He would get his message. If, despite this, he continue to be a monkey, think of making it official. As much as possible, save any message/mail he might send to you. No need to be scared. These guys are actually cowards and have a lot to lose.
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BJust to correct many of the comments here, The Internal committee is the body to approach. Not the HR.
In case you tell the HR, the HR is mandated to direct you to the IC. and in case there is no IC, then the company is in violation of the law…
Give a complaint in writing. Remember there is always the option of conciliation. That is, since it is not a big deal, he can just be made aware of the fact that it is not appropriate and the case closed. So just because you filed a complaint doesn’t mean grew he will get sacked etc (I’m saying this because you need not worry about consequences to the guy etc at this stage)
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EDon’t think too much, the world is very small in comparison to your dignity ma’am, just file complaint against him and inform the team you’ll be filing the FIR as you know that no action will be taken against him. I’m informing you through email for return proof purpose although you know that no action will be taken against the man.
Working in a private company means, you give no shit to the company and company gives no shit to employees, so don’t think too much just make it happen so that same thing that bastard could not repeat again any other women next time. More power to you !
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QHarsh Truth but true reality is most likely your company will throw your complaint under the rug, as this can easily escalate into he said-she said.
But wiser approach, drop him an email saying what you said here, looping his manager, his manager’s manager. and let it take it’s own course.
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ALol no wonder women come to gulf and are amazed by the standard of the men here both educated Desi men and foreigners and best the locals who deal such a way you want your moms to deal with them to get that level of respect for a woman. No wonder people are coming in droves to gain experience and even more expensive to live they prefer to suffer to remain respected and also safe for a foreigner women in bikini to go down at 3 am and have chai in a Desi shop.
In India such blatant b*stards don’t deserve smart people working for them. What is that guy thinking and behaving like this. Lol and here lot of men have second and third wife but still with foreigner women they deal with much more respect, lot of times they maintain a safe distance unless your an Arab ethnicity woman (who wouldn’t mistake their words) or a mature Desi madam who is the one making them squirm with her talk, they don’t let their guard down.
Lol many arab guys even encourage foreign and especially Desi men to remain steadfast in the Deen, workout and not fall into temptations of wanton women so they will respect women and unlearn the creep mentality.
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RPOSH is a scam. They will shame you and you will be singled out in the team. Best way is to handle it when someone asks if you wake up at 5 to get ready just say something like if that is what he did or you woke up like this. Be dismissive and ignorant to these comments.
Dont go out with anyone for the first 1 year its a honest suggestion specially guys, extended workspace definition can be misinterpreted a lot. Go out in a group always if you want to. And keep conversations very professionals even meet and greet should be hi hello how are you and thats it
Dont share any personal details. If they ask if you drink say no even if you dont want to answer and move on move out of the situation to show discomfort.
Just handle these things POSH case in these situations I highly doubt will even start an investigation
I know i am sounding like someone who doesnt want you to raise your voice or something but trust me focus on the job and career and ignore these people as much as possible. -
PJust remember, have all the proofs covertly before you raise POSH. Someone said it correctly that HR is there to safeguard the company and inadvertently their bosses.
Make sure if such instances crop up there are witnesses where you rebuff the person (if you note the timing exactly that will help solidify the case, you can request cctv footage of the area at that timestamp as evidence) even though there’s no audio, the video captures the altercation and body language which aids your case. Bear in mind the witnesses might not come forward to help but they’ll be liable to speak if they are present during the scenario.
Each company has a different POSH process and committee. Retaliation may happen but you have a solid case for challenging that with the POSH committee.
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NIf you complain keep a formal email record but also make sure that this person has no impact on your job role or life
Else first make sure to secure a job out and till then make sure to have someone around when interacting with such creep
I think other senior women out there can give better suggestions.
Hope you get out of this ASAP.
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VHR here … Since he hasn’t directly made any explicit gestures at you and mentioned anything of the sorr over mails or messages. You don’t have a strong case yet.
Keep good audio video recording devices with you like a Pen (you’ll get it on Amazon). Observe his behaviour and then report with proofs and get ready for a big payday.However, if at any point during the recording of you are recorded as laughing or accepting his guesture even a little bit then your entire case will be thrown out of the window.
If you don’t want to get into this hassle then pls request change of dept or location or change the company -
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CSis, I really think you should leave this job, it’s not good for you. Believe me, your rizq is already written by God, and you will find a better opportunity. Start looking for a new job, and always stay close to your boyfriend or husband. Also, please don’t get influenced by extreme feminist ideas. Take care and stay safe
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SHey, first of all, I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. What you’re experiencing is not okay, not normal, and absolutely not your fault. You’re right to feel weirded out and unsafe. That guy’s behavior? Straight-up creepy and inappropriate.
Start documenting everything, dates, times, exact words, and witnesses, on your personal device. Limit interactions with this man, avoid being alone with him, and subtly test the waters to find a trustworthy ally. If things escalate, consider raising concerns with HR or requesting a transfer under neutral reasons. You don’t have to go straight to a formal POSH complaint, but protecting yourself smartly (not silently) is key. You’re not powerless and you’re not alone! -
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