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BI don’t know where else to talk about this safely, so I’m sharing it here in the hope that it helps someone.
For the past 3 years, I was in a relationship with someone who acted like the perfect partner—kind, intelligent, consistent(even though there weren’t much calls and regular texts) and deeply loving. Or so I thought.
He would tell me stories about living with his cousins, what they did together, the little things that made his day. It all sounded so real-names, conversations, even fights. I never doubted it.
From past few months he kept saying that he is having financial issues and all, that is why he can’t make regular calls and texts. But he manages to come and meet me. During that time he behaves like a perfect partner-loving and very much supportive.
But something always felt a bit off. I had small doubts over time-especially about whether he was seeing someone else-but every time I asked, he’d manipulate the situation, guilt me, or deflect. When I finally broke up with him, he suddenly started acting like he had mental issues, talking incoherently, trying to make me feel like he was in crisis.
Eventually, I reached out to the “cousins” he claimed he was living with. Turns out-they weren’t even in the same city. They had no idea what I was talking about. The people existed, but the stories were completely fabricated. Every single detail he fed me for years… was a lie.
I still don’t know what his motive was. He didn’t take money. He showed me all the love and I don’t know if it was all for sexual needs. He behaved like a true gentleman, never felt that he is abusive. He just crafted a fake life, a fake persona, and kept me emotionally hooked for years.
Now I’m left questioning everything-how I trusted, how I missed the signs, and why he did this. I feel like a fool. My friends tell me I’m “too trusting,” and I used to think that was a good thing. But now I’m scared. I don’t know how to trust anyone.
I really want to call him out because I believe there are more girls involved in this. One, I’m sure of, and that was the reason why I broke up. But he never admitted that he was having another affair instead tried to manipulate me using some fake stories which were not convincing. I don’t know what lies he has been telling that girl. They are living together, as per my finding.
When I spoke to one of his cousins, he mentioned that 5 years before another girl came to him saying similar things, that he is not trustworthy and he is using girls.
I don’t know what to do. I’m still in shock. I really wish to do something, else more girls will be trapped. How can I deal with this? I’ve started blaming myself for trusting this person. Was it all my fault? To trust the person I loved..
Is there anything I can do to call him out?
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MIt pains the most when the wounds are fresh. Give it some time to heal and you’ll not feel as strong about this as you do today.
And I don’t think he was a fraud the way you are depicting him here based on a story/detail mismatch with his cousins. Our memories are essentially malleable, and over time, we change the entire detail of any incident without even noticing it. Happened with me a few times ie. I was narrating a decade old incident among friends and those who were present in that incident differed a lot from my version that made no sense to me. It happens to everyone until someone confronts us and then we come to a realization to not to trust every memory with full certainty because our brains add a lot of fictional details on its own when we recall those stuff. This is how human mind works and a lot of good lawyers use this trick to create contradictions in eyewitness testimony.
There is nothing much you can do in terms of legal actions as he neither abused you nor harmed you in any sense. It was all consensual. What you believe as a lie does really look like an innocent mind trick that he performed without his intentions. He behaved as a gentleman with you prima facia, and i don’t see him in any fault. Take the breakup on a face value instead of making it a moral crusade of finding “the truth” and to save more girls from his misdeeds. It is not worth it for either of you. When any relation ends, try to remain dignified, cur your losses, and move on.
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B‘Innocent mind trick’? Really? For 3 years he was telling me that he is staying with these people and all. He said he wanted to marry me, the same he said to the other girl. Those cousins has no contact with him, and even then he created a fake story to fool everyone. That much lies and all, and are you saying that all these were some innocent mind trick?
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