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FI’m 21M. I recently got to know that my father is cheating on my mom and I haven’t told her yet. I saw a lot of explicit pictures of a woman in my dad’s google photos. The first picture that I saw was from 2018 and it goes on until 2020. In 2021 my dad bought a new phone and WhatsApp launched the one time view feature so I’m guessing he stopped backing his WhatsApp pictures. He has a full album with that woman’s daughter’s pictures in which she is fully clothed. I have saved all the evidences related to this.
He’s been a really bad father since the start. He has always struggled financially. He never treated my mom and his children in the right way. In the past he has raised his hands on her on a lot of incidents. Since I turned 18 he stopped raising his hands on her as I have opposed that behaviour of his.
A little info about my grandfather. He’s also a very toxic person. He always used to taunt my mother, me and my sister on various things and same was the case with my grandmother. They made our life hell and my father never used to stop them from making crass comments.
A few years back things got heated up between my mother and grandfather as he abused my mother’s parents and it got very hard for mother to live in that environment so she took a big step. She took us to her parent’s house and we lived there for a few months. My parents were on the verge of a divorce instead we got seperated from my grandparents and they shifted to another house which my grandfather owns.
Currently I am still studying and hoping to land a job next year. Till then I don’t feel like I should tell my mother neither do I feel like I should take any action against my father. I can tell that if I tell my mother she would go for a divorce. I am hoping to get them seperated by the end of next year. What should be my course of action?
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FI think you shouldn’t take any action unless and until you find a job because if you tell your mom about it and if she takes a step, things are gonna get bad and you wouldn’t be able to focus on your studies, and it will result in delay in your studies. So you should wait until you get a job so that even if your mom plans to leave you father after that, atleast you can be financially independent to help your mom.
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FI also think in a similar way. I wanted to know what I can do in a legal sense to build my case so that I can help my mom. Thank you.
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CThough I think you should let your father know in a indirect way or something that you he’s upto something.
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RStay silent for now. Focus on studies and career and secure the evidence safely. After getting a job, speak to your mother gently, and support her. Consider a lawyer if needed later… Take care of your own emotional well-being too.
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PSome people are trash no matter how good they look from far & how near they are. Finish your studies, land a job which pays well. Till then gaurd your mom & siblings. I assume your sister is still in college or school, don’t let your dad has any say in her marriage under any circumstances.
Once you land job & get confidence in your ability at work & life. Disclose it with your mom. I guess your mom knows about this & probably she is just battling it silently till you guys get independent.
Take care man!! Protect your mental health at all cost.
Accept fully that your grand father & father doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. That sets you free from the relationship you have with them. Don’t let these scumbags snatch your life & give you life long trauma.
Take them as a feedback & reassure yourself that you won’t carry any bit their toxicity. You already broke the chain, man up & build your life using these all incidents as fuel.once you made it in life, forgive those scumbags & discard them from life. Its upto you to maintain secrecy, but I would suggest you to make these process & progress as frictionless as possible.
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KFirst settle yourself so that if you mother need support you can give. Secondly research about the other women what kind of relation she is in with your dad also try to gain the knowledge about your father financial status. If you can get through the bank records it will be good and check spl for loans and debts. Plan to keep your mother account full of money to survive 1 yr min.
After all this get the relationship out in public and immediately move your mother out to your location.
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