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UI need some advice about a complicated situation involving my girlfriend and her relatives.
A relative of hers recently passed away, leaving behind two kids—a son and a daughter. The deceased had a pension of just 38k/month, but apparently, the son took loans totaling 70 lakhs to fund some business ventures. Now that he’s passed, the family is left with this massive debt. The daughter is still in college, with two years left, and each semester costs between 1.5 and 2 lakhs, depending on the semester.
Here’s where things get tricky: my girlfriend, who has her own history with this family (she knew them as a child but was betrayed by the deceased’s son in some family feud), is so moved by their current struggles that she’s decided to give up all her savings to help the daughter so she can finish college. She only has 80k, which isn’t nearly enough for the two years of tuition, but she’s still determined to help. Another relative is pitching in, but they can’t shoulder the full financial burden either.
The problem is my girlfriend isn’t in a good financial position herself. When she was struggling before we met, no one came to her aid because they didn’t have the means. Yet she’s adamant about not letting someone else go through what she went through.
I’ve tried reasoning with her, explaining that her contribution is unlikely to make a difference in the long run. The daughter won’t have enough to finish her degree regardless, and my girlfriend will lose her financial safety net. Plus, it’s frustrating to think that the deceased didn’t prioritize his own daughter while enabling his son to take on 70 lakhs of debt. In the end, he couldn’t even afford his own treatment.
Here are my questions:
1. **Is it even plausible for someone with a 38k pension to take on 70 lakhs in loans?** My girlfriend says the loans came from various sources like friends, but that amount seems ridiculously high. Banks would’ve surely denied it based on his age and income, right? How can I verify this story? Also can anyone actually give a loan and let the outstanding amount grow that big without calling for liquidation? If he is dead, wont the debt be wiped?
2. **What can I say to discourage her from giving up her savings?** Even if she helps this semester, they’ll still struggle next semester, and it’s likely she won’t see the money again. I don’t want her to feel like she has to set herself on fire to keep others warm.Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.
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MAsk her the loan documents/acknowledgement and tell her that you know someone at the bank/some company who can help reduce the loan amount citing inability of the family. If she provides you the documents you can check the amount. If she’s speaking the truth you can tell her that you tried but they didn’t help.
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UThe relative of her’s who is in need of money, I am sure will not provide any citing a 1000 different reasons and the gf’s family will not ask for proof also because they fear it might damage relations. The gf and her family has a very-i am not trying to be judgemental or rude- easy to exploit if someone tells them a sob story. They will go the length to help and in the past have been exploited many times. is there a way she can ask for something which will prove to her the authenticity of the story while also making it sound like a reasonable request? Something like “we trust you, but the banks wants to see this documents. “
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MThat’s what I told you, just ask the documents with a valid reason, say that you know someone who can help waive loan amounts if one does not have the capacity to pay.
If they are refusing to show the docs already, it’s clear that something’s fishy.
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USir you make a lot of sense, i already know how this will go. They wont show the documents, she will say contacts at the bank and scheme, they will say tell me i will get it done but these people will never show the documents. Because the gf and her family is too guliable and easy to exploit in the name of family. Thanks for your kind help though, i will try what you have suggested though.
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MThis type of advice is really bad over internet. Do you know the full story from both perspectives? Merely because one person wants to help others, the advice is to break up. It’s really difficult to find people later on your life.
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MYeah so stay 50 miles away from all women and become paranoid because Atul was treated that way. If you have a stable relationship, you should think twice before breaking it.
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MYea, it’s possible to get a loan of 70 lakhs. Because I presume if the pension is 38k, the person might be earning 1 lakh per month in his service. Assuming the person took a loan of 30 lakhs from bank and 40 lakhs from elsewhere, it’s possible.
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UI spoke about with her after i posted here, seems like the loan was from past 15 years ago and perhaps it grew to this amount. They had a home which they sold off also and started renting, yet still the loan amount is big. So these people are so poor i dont honestly believe looking at their standard of living someone would give them 1 lacs of loan in their right mind and hope for repayment
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Usince he has passed away, wont this loan amount be wiped? It cant possibly transfer to the children if it is from formal sources.
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MIf something is inherited, they’ll have to pay from that amount. Otherwise yes, not on children’s income.
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MIf you’re girlfriend wants to help them, she shouldn’t expect the money back. Because I don’t think the family is also telling the complete truth.
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FRemember the golden rule of lending. Lend only what you can afford to loose unless it’s about helping a close family member in life/death matter. This doesn’t look like a life/death matter and it doesn’t look like your girlfriend can afford to loose the limited money she has.
Also her lending the money won’t solve the problem of this family because the tuition costs are 1.5/2L per semester (~8L for 2 years) and all your girlfriend has is 1/10th that amount (80K). Where is the remaining 7.2L coming from? So the outcome doesn’t change whether your girlfriend helps them or not.
Better the son/daughter quit their studies for now and start some job. If the mother can take up job and support the family then nothing like it.
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UThe son has a job and took some loan from the company where he worked at and paid for I think 1 or 2 semester of her tuition. This company will not give him any more loan. Now he also has no money but will just have repayment for his job.
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