- This topic has 14 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 2 months ago by
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LMy dad remarried 6yrs ago after my mom’s death to a woman who already had a child(female).all these years I (16M) was living in my relatives home,and would come to my dad around 10 times a year or so.But now things got complicated in my relatives home,and I’m forced to live with my dad.
So my stepmom kinda seduced my dad enough that all these years he tried to not scold her and just followed her blindly…but things got alot worse from then.she would wake up late,cook food late and by the time I used to get food in my aunt’s home,my stepmom starts cooking at that time…so I have to stay hungry atleast for more 2-3hrs,this doesn’t end there…she doesn’t do more chores..does chores slowly and shows that she works 24/7.My father would often go late to the office even though he is govt employee,he would sweep the 2 rooms,help her out in kitchen…etc
So it’s been going on like this,when my elder sis came with her husband to my dad home,food was served hella late…like literally they were gonna sleep by that time,when my sis said her to cut onions faster she started crying out loudly…made a huge issue,called her parents…started digging in…ik my sis should have done her own work…but she has kids,and she was too tired too…anyways since then,we did our own work…also she left the home for few months after this issue.sjnce then my sis would hardly come here,now again,she was dressed unproperly,so my other sis pointed it out and said politely to her to keep her veil properly..but she started ranting out random shit…her whole point was how could she tell me anything. As I said she wants to feel superior,everything under her…etc
Tbh my sis wasn’t wrong,she always dressed unproperly,styles up as if she is unmarried…I can’t even state few things over here. Today since my sis said that,she got more worked up,called her dad and yelled saying why did u give me here,this that random shit and said first ur elder daughter said to me,now her why everyone will say to me…this that…
Uk it’s shit rn here,we do our chores almost everytime,hardly give her much work,she goes to hospital almost every week,we treat her good enough,and we even send her daughter to a big school…etc but I can’t understand wt she needs.Idk u might suggest me to ignore,but I can’t. Our home isn’t big,I’ll see her every now and then,and uk how she is,constant fights,yelling…etc gave me a trauma. I couldn’t even heal myself after my mom’s death,and living far away from my dad for 5 yrs was already a trauma. But when I came here,it’s more shit. I can’t do anything…my studies are interrupted,I can’t go to hostel coz the fee is super expensive…I don’t have a place to call home anymore.
I suggested my dad to divorce her,but we are worried that the govt won’t take the decision in our favour,and we would lose alot of money…(We don’t even have much) My dad doesn’t like going around courts…and also if they were to divorce,my dad needs to pay for child support,and alimony too… -
BWhat’s wrong in paying alimony and maintainance if your father is ready to divorce? It her right as a married women.
It will solve problem for everyone.
She can dress up and look the way she is comfortable. You or your sis should not be looking to dictate this part of her own life. She should be troubled just to satisfy your grudge of taking your mother’s place in your father’s life.
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LWe have already spent alot on her so much that we don’t even have savings as of now…and we took up debts for my sis marriage…every week something or the other happens to her and hospital is another home for her,she can’t look after us,can’t do much chores either..
Now coming to ur point,see we hardly save around 10k a month but these get used up for her hospital bills,and now we even have a marriage…so we don’t have much money either…if we were to pay alimony,she would definitely demand alot…which even we don’t have as of now,every month we won’t even save 5k too…and my dad’s pension will also be halved-
BShe can’t demand alimony or maintainance as she wants. It will be decided by court based on current assets in your father’s name and his savings+earning.
E.g. if a man having 1L saving and 90k per month salary living in rented house without any other asset in his name can’t be forced to pay 10L or 20L as alimony.
Court may ask to pay a lump sum from 1L and an amount monthly from 90K
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BMonthly would be every time if your step mom is not working and keeping unwell.
It’s the price to pay for marriage when it doesn’t work
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LThanks for ur help
Wt would be the amount to pay her (just assumed value)
Do we even have to pay amount of the pension?-
BIf your father has 2 dependent and his wife then it could be ~10k per month or less.
Actual amount will be decided after considering multiple factors by judge.
Pension – may be smaller amount to be paid to her based on reduction between salary and pension.
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QYou have a lot of expectations from a woman who isn’t related to you really. You are 16. Focus on yourself and move out soon. You have been through a lot, get a psychologist to help you deal with your grief.
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LThanks for replying but Man i don’t have much expectations from her,I just don’t want to see my dad working in the office coming home and again cooking for us,cleaning the rooms and doing all shit work.
We are trying our best too…like cooking for ourselves,cleaning etc but still my dad has to cook..and other.That’s the reason why I need real solution of it.
Man read the post,I said she goes hospital almost every week…as a result we can’t save much and so I can’t afford to go psychologist for it.
We are already in debt-
QTaking a debt for the marriage of your sister was a poor decision that your family shouldn’t have taken. Extravagant weddings are not mandatory. It is easy to blame her, she is an easy target to channel your frustrations.
Be happy for your father that he has companionship at his age. Not everything is about you. Not everyone is better off old and lonely.
As for ‘shit work’, most people in the world clean their own homes and cook and work. Nothing awful about I it. Who do you think is going to do it after a separation? There are people in the world with real problems. All things considered your family seems to be doing okay.
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LMy sis is already at that age+we arnt doing extravagantwedding, it’s the dowry and tbh it’s less than wt others are demanding+he is a good guy that’s the reason we agreed.
“It’s easy to blame her” bruhh,wt we have been facing u won’t truly understand…The main reason my dad agreed for marriage was to look after home and children,cook and do usual chores…out of which almost every work we are doing. Imagine u,ur dad,ur sis come home at 6pm after tedious work…and u start doing household chores too while ur stepmom is chilling out and not even moving a finger.
Would u still say it’s easy to blame her?
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SYour problem here is that you’re still seeing her as an outsider, which is true for you since your mother is irreplaceable firstly, and secondly you never could foster a bond with your step mom seeing as how things unfolded post your mother’s demise.
But you have to take a step back and try to see things from her point of view. For her, this is her home now. She can dress however she feels like dressing inside the walls of her home. However she feels comfortable.
Yes, you had a strict routine and regimen that you followed when you were putting up with your relatives, but the same goes for her. Before your coming back, your dad, step sister and step mother also had their own routine and had their own regime.
If you’re too young to go to the kitchen and make your own breakfast, that’s a different issue. Perhaps you could politely ask and request her to fix you something. But if you’re a teenager, I’m pretty sure you can fix your own meals. She isn’t your maid. She’s a house maker and from what you’ve revealed she’s doing her duties at her own pace.
As for your dad helping around the house, there’s nothing wrong with that. Why would you have a problem with that? That was a little odd. Any person would want bare minimum help around the house. Again, she isn’t your maid; she is a part of the house and the family.
About your sister’s visit, if things were running late, i feel like the sister and you all in fact could have helped too. I guess your step mum is used to cooking for only 3 people. And suddenly she has to cook for 6 people, then you have to understand that it takes time.
Please stop seeing her as a maid. She’s not. It’s very weird how you guys are trying to control her by telling her what to wear and what not to wear inside her own home, and super weird that you guys wait for your food to be fixed by her and stay hungry until she serves. Either help her if you’re free and at home, or fix your own food.
My take from this whole situation is that until you stop seeing her as an outsider, things will never fall into place for you guys. And from what I’ve read, she neither seems sinister, nor greedy and certainly not corrupt.
You guys have to cultivate a better mind set and set good precident for your step sister at least; think of her mental health throughout this all.
Of course this all is just my opinion, you can choose to not agree with it and do your own thing.
Goodluck!
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RBit of contrarian view, but there is nothing wrong in your father getting remarried. He has his personal life & space – same like yours. So you kinda coercing him to divorce is really bad. And there is nothing legit legal involved here .
You will or will not be able to bond with your step-mom, but do manage your expectations as you grow up. She is your father’s wife and a maid or bonded laborer. Today its your step-mom, tomorrow it may be your room-mates,
In-laws and so on.Try to nurture and live with your Inner peace – which shouldn’t be dependent on others.
You can do your part of chores and cook etc , feed yourself and build your social life & friend circles etc. And if you still cannot handle it more, ur are grown up enough to go for boarding school or colleges and later live a independent life, while avoiding this so-called frustration altogether
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