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UHi all, so it is exactly as the title goes. We have a maid, 23/24F, who works at our house for almost 8-10 hours everyday.
One day we noticed a huge bruise on her face and upon enquiring she said she just fell. But my mother pressed on and she confessed that her husband beats her up. My parents were furious and called the guy up and told him to not hurt her and if he does it anymore we’ll complain.
Things were fine for a few days but she appeared with a bruise and a cut on her lip again, when my parents said that they’ll straighten him out she asked them not to get involved as her husband says what will the police do, detain me for a couple of days, but after that I’ll be back for you.
Everyone in the family is concerned as we all care about her as she’s a very jolly and good natured person and has become a part of the family in a very short time.
For more context she has a son who is around 8-10 years old and she’s from Nepal. She lives with her husband here and her kid is back in Nepal with her sisters and their kids studying.Any ideas on how to proceed in this case would really be helpful without the repercussions being that she faces any more abuse back at her place. I don’t think divorce is something she will consider. The husband works as a driver but is often kicked out of employment due to his drinking issues.
This is all happening in Mumbai.Thanks!
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ESince the police won’t scare him, consider reaching out to local NGOs or women’s helplines they know how to handle cases like this. Maybe even help her find a safe place to stay if things get worse. She might not want to leave him, but having options could save her life.
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UHi, I work in the space of gender-based violence. There are Dilaasa crisis intervention departments at 12 BMC hospitals in Mumbai. Their whole objective is to help women facing violence. And the point of having it in hospitals is so that women can seek help under the pretext of going for a medical thing.
A lot of comments here saying that women may not file a case or want to leave her husband. And that is completely fair. What Dilaasa does is help the woman with wherever she wants to do. If she wants to stay with her husband, they will help her stop the violence.
The 12 Hospitals:
Bhabha Hospital, Bandra
Bhabha Hospital, Kurla
Shatabdi Hospital, Govandi
Shatabdi (BDBA) Hospital, Kandivali
Rajawadi Hospital, Ghatkopar
Cooper Hospital, Vile Parle
MW Desai Hospital, Malad
Savarkar Hospital, Mulund
KMJ Phule Hospital, Vikhroli
MT Agarwal Hospital, Mulund
KJ Savitribai Phule Hospital, Borivali
VN Desai Hospital, Santa CruzYou can ask her to visit the hospital and go to the Dilaasa department and tell her that they provide help to women.
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UI don’t think the husband will be out in a few days if it’s for such serious domestic violence.
NAL, this comment is to bump this post so that someone knowledgeable can help.
Hoping the poor girl gets justice very soon and the scum husband gets what he deserves.
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UThat is another issue, we have been asking her for some ID proof so that we can submit it in the society but she’s not getting any. She claims she’s here legally, and it’s been a lot of years that she’s here, which she is we checked with her previous employers. But wouldn’t want her to get deported or anything
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UNepal has open border with India, there is no need for any permit for Nepalese to work in India. Many have studied and worked in India.
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UOh I did not know that. Thanks! So if there won’t be anything that backfires on her because she’s Nepali I think it’ll be easier to approach for help
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UOP, just a thought, would it be possible to go speak to your local police station and ask for their inputs without sharing the personal details of your maid? They may have dealt with such cases before.
Asking because I’m Mumbai-based too and I would like to believe that Mumbai Police are a tad better than the cops in the rest of our country.
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Bcall 112 and explain to cops. Cops will take him into custody and council him. Ask cops to warn husband.
If he continues, file FIR for DV
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UWe fear if they just warn him he’ll lash out in a much harsher way on her given what he says to her already
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BFirst decide if you are ranting or asking for help.
There is no other legal way to deal with this situation. other than cops.
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DNo body will help her. Even you won’t.
Don’t increase her troubles with getting. Don’t file FIR, police doesn’t give a F about her, she will be the one visiting courts/police station again and again.
What if her husband gets irritated and throws her away from his house?
You have no idea about the practical-Ness of a poor persons life.
Have you ever thought why she endures the physical abuse? Because she think Even if the man beats her, atleast she has roof over her head.
If you really want to help her, keep her and her kids(if any) in your house for rest of her life, feed her and give her security and if possible get her married to some other guy.
All these assess here saying NGO/Court/ FIR/ police etc want the maid to get into deeper troubles.
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UYou’re right, which is exactly why I’m asking here for any other kind of way we could help her out without going through the FIR way.
We have discussed having her work 24 hours for us and stay with us but her husband won’t let her as her previous jobs were round the clock jobs and now he wants to spend time with her and everything. Otherwise that was the fist thing we offered her.-
DYou may take them to marriage counseling/ Physcologist.
Beating ones partner is not normal. I maybe angry with my partner, but I will not beat her , I may shout/raise my voice at her but certainly l will not raise my hand at her.
Getting angry with her husband by your family, will bring more trouble for your maid. Husband will in turn take it out on your maid.
Counsel them, understand why the husband beats her. Talk nicely with her husband, try to understand him.
Tell him that his wife actions may make him angry, but it’s not good to beat your wife.
Tell him – Using violence against your life partner is wrong, it’s not moral it’s against religion. What will God think of it? Things like that. As if you are explaining a child
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AThis is far too common. I change locations every 2-3 years or so and have unfortunately, seen many cases similar to this. You can’t do anything legally, it backfires tremendously. One of my friends did this for her house help- the police didn’t do anything (as always) and she was pretty much thrashed black and blue by her husband. They don’t really have the option of leaving and getting an easy divorce, society will tar them. Plus, multiple children. What you can do, on a personal level, is be supportive – help them out with a meal everyday at your house because a lot of times their money is taken by a drunk husband and they don’t have enough to eat. If you ever see them thrashed, take a picture, so whenever (if) they do leave, there is some proof . Last, you can try to subtly motivate them into leaving the husband, they are mostly surrounded by people who will shame them for it, you can be a support.
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UIt’s sad what we have to normalise. We fear exactly what happened with your friend, but somewhere we think that Mumbai Police is reliable and proactive in these cases. It’s a hopeful statement more than anything. But otherwise we do everything we can so that she’s comfortable here, 2 meals, time to rest and recuperate, tiffin in the evenings for dinner, it’s not much at the moment, but anything that doesn’t add on to her woes is a bonus really.
Will keep in mind the things about taking photographic evidence and opening up conversations about separation, thanks! -
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SI may be harsh, may be downvoted, but please don’t get involved in all this. If she wants to take action, she will do it on her own. Don’t pursue any legal action. In the end, she may side with her husband and blame you, saying that it’s their personal matter and you shouldn’t interfere. As he mentioned, he will eventually come out of custody, and when he does, he may return to her even more harshly. Let her make her own decisions and stay out of it.
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ANo advice here, just our experience with a similar situation.
We had an acquaintance – a girl from the village where we lived for some time – who moved to our city after marriage. Her husband, a vegetable seller, was of a suspicious nature and committed serious domestic violence. One day, she left him and came to our house, telling us the full story of her torture and abuse.We took her in, got involved in her case, and my uncle helped her file a police complaint against her husband. He also assisted in getting her back to her village. However, after some time, we discovered that she had returned to the same man, and the police statements were turned against our family. She claimed that we had pushed her to make accusations against her husband.
It was shocking to us, and we decided to cut off any further involvement with her. Months later, she tried to reconnect with our family and explained that, although he was less abusive than before, he still hurt her. But she would rather be with a person, even though abusive, than being alone for life.
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WShe has a 8 year old when she’s only 23/24?
Child marriage/pocso case would apply as I don’t think there’s a statute of limitations on that, nor does it void after the person turns 18
It would be harder for the guy to get out of a pocso case and mumbai police would also take it more seriously and he won’t be out for years. Moreover, it would be simpler to void that marriage also.
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