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CThe background
Me and my wife are going thru a tough phase; I have done this write-up which for the most part is self explanatory.
I will answer any queries regarding this.
We are married for 12 yrs. Failed in all fertility treatments. Just adopted baby girl last year its younger than 5 yrs.
I am convinced that my wife isn’t physically attracted to this female. She’s just gotten to emotionally attached.
She has a history of such attachments (all platonic and all females. This is the third one.
I have removed my wife’s n the friends name for privacy issues.
After our last argument this is the draft I madeThe writeup
The purpose of this write up is to document the events of the past three years. I aim to provide a clear account of the challenges faced by me in my relationship with * my wife *. I do not wish to condemn or call out anyone.* my wife * and I both are seeking for a fresh start in our relationship, but it is essential that we establish a common understanding of certain boundaries and expectations.
The primary source of conflict in our relationship has been * my wife *’s growing friendship with Mrs. * xyz *. Their friendship began when they joined the women’s turf cricket group, gradually it lead to frequent phone calls, chats, morning and evening walks. As * my wife *’s focus shifted towards her friendship with * xyz *, our relationship began to suffer. Despite my frequent attempts to communicate to her the importance of “maintaining a balance” , * my wife * continued to prioritize her friendship over her marriage, She also started resorting to lies and half-truths to get away with things.
In June 2024, I caught * my wife * off guard visiting * xyz *’s home while lying about her whereabouts. This incident was not isolated, similar occurrences had taken place in the past. This time she confirmed that she had visited her place during both the occasions. * my wife *’s dishonesty and lack of transparency led to our first major fight, prompting us to involve her family members. Despite agreeing to a three-month break from communication with * xyz *, * my wife * resumed her interactions with her within a month. Throughout this period, * my wife *’s behavior towards me began to change.
Another similar incident took place on August 14th , 2024, where she lied about visiting * xyz * before our trip to Mumbai. It is evident that the boundaries set in our relationship have been repeatedly crossed, leading to a breakdown in trust and communication. I was filled with frustration and decided to invite her family members to our home to address the issues at hand, but unfortunately, we were unable to come to any resolution. As a result, we lived separately for two and half months, attempting to reconcile multiple times without success. She requested for her Stree Dhan, which was given to her without any discussion, and she still possesses it to this day. Both of us were unwilling to compromise on any suggestions made by the other person.
During our discussions, my first condition for reconciliation was for her to limit her interactions with * xyz *, and my second condition was for us to attend marriage counselling. However, we could not come to an agreement on either matter. My parents advised me to reconsider my stand on the situation, prompting me to take a step back and welcome her back unconditionally into our home on 26th October 2024.
Upon her return, her behaviour and attitude had drastically changed for the worse. She isolated herself in her room all day, showing no involvement or interaction with the family. There was very limited communication between us as she had become very short tempered and rude. My patience began to wear out as tension between us escalated, creating an environment where any misstep could lead to an explosion of unresolved issues.
This continued until the third major confrontation on the 21st December 2024, after which I made it clear that if she wished to continue the friendship, I no longer wanted to pursue our relationship.
Following several unsuccessful discussions, we informed her that we would be relocating to * my native town * by the end of March and she was welcome to join us.
On March 13, 2025, we had a productive discussion where we agreed to document and sign any decisions we made before the end of the month. Moving forward, it is crucial that we address these issues openly and honestly to rebuild a healthy and respectful relationship
These are the conditions I am proposing :
1. * my wife * must completely end her friendship with * xyz *. They are not to have any form of interaction, whether it be in person, over the phone, or through messaging.
2. Given the challenges our marriage has faced, it is imperative that both of us attend marriage counselling. The counsellor will assess our situation and provide a plan of action for both of us to follow dedicatedly.
3. * my wife * is required to cease all sales and marketing activities, including any type of field work. She must operate her business from home during her free time.
4. It is expected that * my wife * will involve herself as a member of the family, demonstrating respect and consideration towards all the family members . She has to be committed to enhancing her relationships with the entire family.
5. She should return from her morning walk before 8:30 AM.
6. We will work on addressing all of the conditions mentioned above for the next three months. If both the parties are satisfied with the results, we will resume our normal routine. Marriage counselling will continue as prescribed by the counsellor. If either party is still unable to make progress, a final decision will be made on the issue.Advice I am looking for :-
I told my wife she can also present her side of story and we and we can do a MOU of all the things we agree upon. I want it notarized so that it does have a legal representation….In future does this document stand valid in court
Or we can sign the document in presence of 2 family members of either side. Do a video of the entire process. I keep the document and video as proof…
And if I wish to get this notarized what’s the proper procedure.
My legal knowledge is very basic pls guide me -
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FHi OP.
As far as i can understand, there was no affair involved from your *wife*.
Please understand, women are emotional beings and open up and become vulnerable to people whom they trust and care about.
If by interacting with mrs XYZ gives her that mental peace, let her.No wonder she is feeling frustrated if you tell her to stop all contacts. She will resent you.
Instead, set goals and priorities. Let her complete the list of chores or things you have assigned for the both of you.
If her friendship with XYX gives her comfort, let her have it as long as she keeps up with her contribution for the house in terms of chores or whatever you have discussed.
I feel you are just a bit possessive.
If you want a fresh start, both need to compromise. Not being able to have a child is mentally jarring.
Do you know how much a woman has to suffer and what rubbish she has to deal with around relatives?
Nobody blames the guy. It’s always the woman’s fault.
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CMy 2 cents,
– you should not micro manage your other half, if she is getting comfort in one of her friends company, let it be ! It should not be an issue. Friends are required for our healthy well being, i’ll also advise you to make good friends…… but if that friend is into activities like gambling, drinking , partying…..etc. that’s a different thing and your point stays valid.
– This MoU, notarized agreement and all this signing etc. is ridiculous! , Marriage and relationship can’t go by exact agreements clauses , it practically doesn’t happen !
– Lies , non transparency shoukd NOT be accepted in any relationship. If that’s the case, you guys are in a low trust relationship and seek advise from your marriage counsellor on this point.
– Y
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SThis makes a very difficult read. You come across as controlling and immature.
You should not made her friendship as a your marriage vs their friendship issue. You lost the plot there.
And this talk about your ‘Conditions’, ‘Proposals’, ‘MOU’ etc show the depth of your immaturity.
Please have a few wise, older married couples, counselors to mentor and guide you. You, personally need a drastic change of attitude, before your wife’s issues, if any, could be addressed. YOU are the problem here, not she.
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SDude , leave your wife alone, not having kids, fertility issues, messes with brain a lot, she’s relying on a perhaps non judgemental friend who can listen to her n make her forget her issues .women talk about everything on earth and let her! Meanwhile why don’t u find a guy friend and hang with him for beer n talk to him about your studpidity!
And she hiding stuff from you, maybe she knows you will not like her hanging out with other frnds , and chose to not hv fight over it.. -
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RLawyer here. This! But to get to the bottom of this, you need to do two things: (A) get counselling for yourself, so you are mentally prepared in case she is gay; (B) have an honest communication with her about your feelings and hers, without getting into a blaming mode. If you do these two things, 90% of your issues could be sorted out. As far as an MOU and the sanctity of it is concerned, it is not worth the paper on which it is written. We are not Americans. There is no system of MOUs and pre-nups or post-nups in India.
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WEwww!! If you are okay to put such thoughts out in open I wonder how controlling your behind closed doors. I am surprised she returned. Looks like you want her to be your puppet and you will decide who she talks to and how much. Rather than putting such rules how about treating her like a human who has her own will and can decide who she talks to, whether she goes out or not, for how long she goes out than your slave! Or just get divorced dude. She will be free atleast
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SWow. Everyday I wonder so many marital issues around us and people still keep falling into this trap. I have nothing much to advise you man. If it is possible for you mentally, I would say let her go her ways. There is no point forcing someone to change. They will always have that revenge in them. And with women, it is far worse. Trust me.
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CUpdate
After reading the comments from everyone else’s point of view I am comming out as controlling and needing therapy. Here’s my reply to it ….
Too many instances have happened for me to come to this stand. Time and again I tried to convey to my wife that anything in excess is wrong…. U need to balance….. Anyways I had to come down such harsh words cos of what I have been thru and I have not detailed all instances here (out of respect also to save everyone’s time and effort).
And IMy main thing was to find if I notorize this document does it stand any legal ground.
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