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AI was not expecting to be here one day. My sister was engaged to this guy who we knew through relatives. We live in a very small town where panchayat is still a thing. There are usually two way people marry in our town. Its either a grand mutton briyani wedding (which can cost above 10-15 lacs) or a simple evening tea wedding. If its evening ceremony, then they have to cover afternoon food for their relatives, we have to cover ours. The groom side demanded that we cover all the venue and food. The thing is we are not rich enough, so we cannot cover such huge money. We told the groom side the same few days ago. The marriage was supposed to be in may. but now due to this, they cancelled the wedding. They cancelled the freking wedding because we don’t spend lacs of rupees to entertain their grandiosity and end up debt. My mom and sister crying non-stop. My family is afraid to get involved in legal because of repercussions to my sisters reputation. What can we do here? either via panchayat or via court of law?
In terms of evidence,they gave her a ring and saree. Many old people went to the ceremony and confirmed the same. We have a cell phone recording of the groom saying “We had to give 600 people food, since you settled for evening ceremony, we do not have that much money to cover the cost, so we are cancelling the wedding”. The thing is groom themselves are very poor, I don’t understand where they get the gall to ask for money that they themselves cannot cover. We are both muslim family if its relevant whatsoever.
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UNAL.
Whats the big deal? nahi hui shaadi, good thing. like a deal that just didnt work out. cant everyone just move on?dekho i understand that its easy for me to say and you guys are from gaon but necessary hai kya gaon ka mentality mann mein rakkhna when you are typing all this in english and you even know its wrong?
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RNo crime made out. You had a disagreement over the type and expenses of wedding function. This does not come under the definition of dowry as per Dowry Prevention Act, 1861.
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AThey asked for expensive marriage arrangement. We refused. They are cancelling the marriage because of that. All of this happened after engagement and one month before marriage. Is this legal?
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AGet your elders and some middle mens who are known to both sides and get your gifts exchanged take back what your family offered to the groom and return the gifts like you mentioned ring and saree. Also if you have spend anything on the engagement like food or gifts get it detailed tallied and get it prepared so that you have evidence that you spend this much.
Rest I pray for your sister and family to get out of this trauma . Also one thing I would suggest from now do a thorough background check in future looking for prospects not trust relative word of mouth. Get your sister into some course so that she will get it out of this situation. Now in future get everything clear cut written out as it is permissible in Islam to get everything in written while getting into agreement. During my brother marriage we did the same bride side and our side when coming to agreement jot down all things on members and what would be acceptable and any requests and other things to be written and agreed by all.
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ADon’t Muslims forbid dowry, believing in a reverse-dowry(mehr)? Pretty sure the grooms family is supposed to pay the bride’s, unless this is some sort of cultural tradition..
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SThis is so heartbreaking. I’m truly sorry.
There are always a bunch of Indian guys who read about things happening in top-tier cities and then go on to bash women in countless subs, without having the slightest clue about the reality in the rest of India.
They turn a blind eye to very real, still-prevalent problems simply because their egos can’t handle the truth.
Anyway, I hope you all find the strength to fight through this and come out stronger, man.
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DYou do know that alimony isn’t gender specific right? What if the woman has to pay alimony in the case of divorce? Would the man pay dowry before getting married?
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VYour sister and mother will cry non stop for a few days and then they will cry sometimes for a few weeks. But luckily the grooms side has shown their true face and now you’re family will not have to cry for the rest of your lives.
If you have given any gifts like money, jewelery, etc tell them to return it and take the ring and saree back. It is better if any elders from both sides have seen and if you have common relatives because that social pressure will help in getting back the gifts and money given.
Help your sister understand how long life is and how they would have tortured her for money at every single occasion. If she had children with this guy there would have been demands to do functions and give gifts or jewelery to her and the family.
Please don’t try to make the marriage happen. They have shown their true face. Better believe this is who they are.
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SIf there was no wedding, I don’t see what legal case you have. Isn’t it a good thing the wedding was cancelled?
Your sisters reputation will be fine. If someone doesn’t want to marry her because she didn’t yield to pressure to make her family bankrupt, then good riddance to them. More power to her.
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RReddit people are very progressive. In actual sense you guys dodged a bullet and your family will be in psin free in long term.
But your family might be very conservative and think this is the biggest tragedy that could happen.
This is just short term. Better find good people to marry. These guys are stopping the marriage because they wanted to I guess. -
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TI have heard a similar case of my friend’s sister who was from UP. The guy’s father called her dad the day of the wedding demanding an additional 50 lakh dowry. One half of dowry was already paid, the remaining half was to be paid at the wedding (35 lakh). They asked for a total of 85 lakhs to be paid at the wedding. Her dad told him this wasn’t what was agreed upon, and told him he’ll tell all the guests about this if they don’t turn up. They eventually came for the wedding but the guy and his family were in a bad mood the whole time. She still ended up marrying him despite being such a huge red flag. I’d say your sister dodged a bullet.
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PIt is just good that your side came to know about the greedy nature of the groom. It is better to cancel the wedding right now, rather than accept such a groom and his parents, as they will continue to torture your sister and your family members in the future for money much later. Never ever accept such a rotten groom out of hurried or hasty thinking. Do not be worried about society, what will the society say if my sister is unmarried and all that hogwash Get your sister well-educated and well-employed and give her self-confidence. That will be much better than a rotten scoundrel for a daamaadh to your family. If she falls in love with a worthy man later, even if he is from some other caste, if he is really worthy, ask your parents to accept him as their son-in-law.
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Btbh. iss time ladke jyada hai india mei aur ladkiyaan kum hai..
iss time toh swayamvar ki pratha jyada suitable hain jahaan ladki ke liye bande karey compete.. Your sister will eventually get marriage.. and it is a good thing that happened.. Divine Intervention i would say.. One a laachi always a laalchi -
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