- This topic has 82 replies, 56 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 4 months ago by
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UMy hands are shaking of fear and terror as I type this. So this happened on my sister’s birthday (2 days ago she turned 40). She got a call from one of his college time friend for bday wishes, who wasn’t in her contact from past decade. My jiju got to know about this call and got all furious and manical.
Just to give a background jiju is somewhat mentally unstable and becomes enraged over small things when she doesn’t comply to him to the point he fights and abuses her. The only reason she is holding on to her marriage is cause of her son and my parents who are running in their 70s and she doesn’t want to cause trouble for them.
Coming to present, he got all manical and even abused her physically, slapped her. He literally forced her to admit that she had an affair with him which continued even after their marriage. He escalated things to the extent that he got DNA test for their son. In reality she only like dated him during college days for a year or so.
Now he called up my other sister and told her everything and wants divorce. I’m 26 yo and literally have no clue how to handle this situation.
We have not told our parents any of it, any legal/personal advice is appreciated.
Please tell me what to do , I’m scared for my sister. -
UBro, this is terrifying—but *breathe*. First, your sister’s safety is priority. If Jiju’s physically abusive, document *everything* (photos of injuries, texts, call logs). She needs to get out ASAP, even temporarily. Reach out to domestic violence orgs—they’ll help with legal steps, shelters, restraining orders. DNA tests can backfire *on him* if the kid’s his (proof he’s unhinged). Don’t confront Jiju alone—dude’s unstable. Rally trusted cousins/friends for support, and loop in your parents gently—they’ll wanna protect her too, even at 70. If divorce is his threat, lawyer up (many do free consults). Screenshot his crazy accusations—they’ll matter in court. And sis needs therapy STAT—guilt and fear are glue for abusers. You’re not helpless here, just overwhelmed. One step at a time. 💪
Personally, Meri bhen ke saath aise kre, jija sala ki hadd paar hi honi hai seedhi. 😄
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VEven if the kid is not his, he is finished. Girls can now openly have affair baby and punish husband by making his responsible for the affair baby expenses.
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MSo do you want divorce or want to convince him to stay in the marriage?
Because it seems like he is ready to give divorce
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UI want to beat the shit out of him, g*nd todne ka man kr rha uski and then get my sis safely back to our house, but what next, she’s already 40 and has a 12 yo son. How she’ll live her life
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HI am kinda 90% sure your jiju is the one who has an affair and trying to get out of this marriage by putting false blame on your sister. Please contact your nearest women’s forum and they will help.
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Uhe might have an affair but at the present situation that’s not the concern. I have 2 options, either go their home and try to settle down things or get my sis back with me at our house and think of the next step. But if I proceed with legal proceedings or such, it’s more likely to end up with divorce. And after that all our lives will be completely destroyed.
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UDo you think your sister is happy now or will be happy in the future with such a maniacal controlling husband?
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UWhen he’s nice… he’s all good and shows affection and care for my sis and their son, but the moment anything goes wrong he’s all enraged and turns to a maniac. Whenever I ask her why she’s still stuck with him, she defends by saying he’s all good n ol, its only he’s short tempered but is good at heart
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UYeah that’s a classic wife defending husband’s red flags/ bad behaviour.
You yourself said your BIL is gaslighting your sister and then you’re defending her defending him. You’re outside the couple, pls try to see clearly. If your BIL is doing this now, I’m quite sure he’s been abusive before as well. Verbal abuse, manipulation etc etc
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RHe likely suffers from some mental disorder. It’s not normal to flip out over small things. Think about the mental trauma your sister is undergoing. Watch “It ends with us”. It’s very very very tough to leave an abusive husband, but she needs to do it for herself and her son. Imagine the trauma of watching your mom being beaten??
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UPlease get out of that Indian shitty mindset and save your sister he might kill him god kniws what can he do if he is not getting what he wants…
Save your daughter from that maniac please 🙏
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UShe’s my sister, I’m unable to contact her as he has taken away her phone. I’m thinking to head over to her city along with my friends and get her back to our home
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UDude, a divorced sister is better than a dead sister.
Your life would be destroyed if he kills her. I understand your panic, but now is the time to think logically and be strong. There is a child in question who is also suffering from this chaos. No child should see their parent beaten up.
Get her home, and brave up for legal proceedings.
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MYour life will be destroyed if your unstable BIL physically hurts your sister. As of now her mental health is getting irrevocably destroyed as he’s terrorizing her. Please get her and her child out. Divorce is not a bad thing, but losing your sister and/ or your niece/ nephew is not something you or your parents will be able to recover from.
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BMy wife used to check all my phone messages and ask every woman in our chats for close to 10 years of my marriage.
The first time in 10 years I checked and found that she was cheating on me and she also had a bf before marriage
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LFirst of all, prioritise your sister’s safety. If there’s anywhere she can stay with her son for now while you figure out the rest, do it. If he’s physically abusive, nothing stopping him from getting worse, especially when there’s no push back. Take pictures of any wounds/ bruises, get it examined by a doctor and make sure you have a medical record of it.
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UHusband & wife issues,only they both knew..your sister also may hide something from you or your bro-in-law knew something else strongly..
It’s husband & wife issues,no one accepts their mistake , instead they pretend & act as innocent.
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UJust simply get a divorce. Your sister will able to get a good relation even now. 40 is not that old and having son also. There are many good people out there who are single and will be ready for marriage.
If she has a degree then it would be better to find a job or do a certified course.
Don’t waste your time trying to fix this marriage. Better to stop before something worse happens. -
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UOp looking at your comments, I can collect the fact that you don’t want your sister to get divorced and you think that ut will destroy her life. But please think about the domestic abuse physically, mentally happening to your sister. You think the child will have a happy home environment when such things take place. Please be your sister’s strength and tell her to divorce her husband. First take her with you to your place. Parents are old or she has a son is not good enough reason for anyone to bear such abuse.
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Ustfu, how tf she’s supposed to know who’s on the other side of call until she picks it up. and if someone is wishing her on her bday is she supposed to cut the call straightaway, don’t write dumbshit if you can’t comprehend the situation.
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UNobody exaggerates one instance this much. I cant decide without listening to the other side. This is your story not the truth so you stfu
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USERIOUSLY BRO, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND??????
Your jiju is abusing your sister and you’re worried about legal proceedings???? Haven’t you heard about the recent Atul Subhash case(May he rest in peace)???
You jiju is physically, emotionally and mentally abusing your sister. According to the Indian judiciary, she has every right to drag him through hell, leave him behind bars and penniless. Contact the cops in her city as soon as you reach there, take your sister into confidence as she’ll be the first (as you’ve mentioned) to deny the charges and get your jiju arrested. It may be true that your jiju is a good person at heart but torturing your sister for any trivial reasons is abuse in every meaning of the word
If you’re not willing to get your hands dirty in legal matters to save your sister’s sanity, stop pretending that you care about her and cribbing on the internet for sympathy.
P.S. You are a 26 year old man now, not a child. Take matters into your own hand or leave it to others who are well equipped (mentally and physically) to conclude it, don’t crib about it and deny suggestions when you are the one who asked for it.
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UHe put his hands on your sister. For reasons she doesn’t deserve to be beat up. If you can’t go manic on your brother in law (either literally or legally) you will keep on suffering. It pains my heart to see people choosing to suffer when they have options that just need them to be a little brave.
You guys have to decide and act, you especially, don’t ask your sister whether ” should we do this?”, “Should we do that?” If you think she needs help, help her. If I was in your shoes I would have tied up your jiju, slapped him twice to shut him up and give him an earful. I would have done a lot more, legally, but that’s not the point. Point is, this is not so complicated that you need to ask for advice. Your response should be rage, and then legal solutions. Because no one questions his actions with rage, your jiju is unhinged.
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UOp,
Just calling a spade a spade, but it appears you and the family are more worried about appearances than safety and happiness. That mentality continues to plague our culture and I think you know what’s right to do here but you are stuck believing it’s your job to make everyone happy and it’s not.
Your sister is in an abusive relationship and stuck in the abused woman cycle. Yes, People with mental health issues aren’t bad people, they just need help and until they get it, it is extremely unhealthy for them to be in a relationship or even a parent.
It is important to remember, mental health issues may explain his behavior, it does NOT excuse it.
Your sister will not be throwing a 13 year old marriage away, she will be ending one to ultimately send a message his behavior is NOT okay, and save her son from becoming someone who believes this type of behavior should be tolerated and even exhibited as appropriate.
Your brother in law needs help, and needs to find it on his own. My biggest question is, is your sister ready to leave? Because from what you’ve talked about in here, it does not sound like she is. Unless she is ready to make moves on her own, your efforts will go to waste. She will always return to him.
On your end, be the best support person you can and offer as much support as possible. Remember to take self care and remember you can always lead a horse to water, but you cannot force it to drink.
If she is ready to leave, divorce proceedings and a lawyer are best. If she’s worried about your parents, remind them what would they rather have? Abused daughter and potentially a traumatized grandchild who will either become an abuser or be abused, or a daughter who stood her boundaries and did what she could to keep herself and her son safe?
Good luck and take care.
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UBut it’s also true that your sister had affair with that man. And you said see is 40 means must be older generation where having past was not common. He should have simply divorced her, no need for violence even though it hurts the emotion. If he don’t want to pay alimony there are many ways to escape it. No college opposite gender calls for Bday wishes after so long. She also must have feelings about him. And here you’re just telling one sided story. I’ve seen how girls family abuse boy when infact girl was caught red handed(in bed)
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UYou are 26 years old, you should focus on building your life. Let your 40 year old sister handle their life. Their is something known as your sister side story, and their is your bil side story, but the reality is the real story which you have no clue about. I would suggest you to support your family and sister, but don’t trust blindly and take hasten decisions, which you may repent for life.
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QHey, OP
I am sharing what i would do if I was in your situation, call a couple of family friends who you trust would travel and be there with you, make sure there is atleast one girl in the group.
Head to her town, go to nearest police station and say your BIL threatened her and you are afraid she might be too hurt and there is a child whose safety is at risk. Talk to either the TI or Women Officer present. Ask for a welfare check, say you just want to make sure she is ohk.
Police will force the door open if needed, you will have a few mins before it all goes to shit, convince her to leave with the kid, your BIL cannot force in front of the police, don’t do any argument or anything around false accusations of affairs and all. Record and Click pics and keep taking police’s help. Focus on basic items, meds and precious jwellery.
Take her out, directly go to a hospital, get a full check up done, document it all, don’t think of FIR at this stage. Just document and get the medic reports and all. Book a room and treat her to good food and be there wholesomely.
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