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CMy father is in army and mother is a government teacher she is a cheater and currently cheating on him with her 3 men who also work in teaching department. Sometimes when they both fight(she starts it ) then after she badmouthes him in front of me and say things like ‘i don’t deserves such a man'(the audacity) . My father is a nice , caring, not a bit toxic and family man . I really feel bad for him whenever he brings something to eat never eats first rather gives me , my younger sister and mother to eat . He even feeds her with his hands sometimes. She is kinda narcissistic and abusive towards me . Once she used R word on me when I tried different hairstyle before going to coaching (just because I wanted to try something new and make myself feel good about me) and said what R… typpa hairstyle is this , whom you want to impress and show . And when she shouts at me for no reason at all and obviously I will say something to defend myself she overreacts and say that I am disrespecting her and learn some manners (well bitch , you don’t deserve respect) sorry guys but she deserves this typpa language only . Once there was some function for teachers in ger department, my father accompanied her , when they came back it looked like they got into a fight , later I came to know that she was being too close to her colleagues(2-3 men ) (it included one men whom she is cheating with) . So they got into fight again after coming home , I mean any man/women would be angry seeing his/her spouse being too close with other men , she kept manipulating and shouting at him that how dare he question her as she is sati savitri and committed to the marriage and she also said to me that ‘beta your father is so bad blah blah blah and his ego is fragile and he is ‘insecure'(famous word used by cheaters) that she is an independent women and earns equally as him , as if I don’t know the reality and she even called her side of few close relatives (mere mama , mami etc)and started badmouthing about him , They sorted the issue of fight somehow after three days and things became normal . I have two screenshots of her chats with her lover ,it ain’t enough for solid proof. The problem is that I have a younger sister too she is in 3rd class I am worried she has to see divorce and all at such young age Imma in 12th standard mature enough to understand everything but my sister…. .If we leave this sister issue then other problem is she may demand hefty alimony from him or try to hurt him , my father has literally no idea that what his wife is doing behind his back and he might end up getting traumatized and hurt but hiding it from him isn’t a good decision too . I am trying to gather solid proofs of her adultery before telling all this to my father .
I want advice regarding how to bring up this topic when talking to dad and what will be the right time to expose her . Genuine advices will be appreciated.
Posted earlier in a teen sub as I am a teen ,some adviced me in the comments that i should post this in legal advice India to get more mature advices -
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Ui think as advised by everyone is to collect solid evidences like screenshots, videos of her talking to her lovers, strange behaviours, and fight between your parents also which will help in proving mental cruelty on your father.
once you gather enough (you have to use your prudence to gauge as to whether it is sufficient or not; should be enough for a wise person to tell that she’s cheating and mentally harassing your father) material, let your father know this. most prolly, he will go with divorce, where he has two of the clear ground for divorce under section 13 of hindu marriage act i.e. adultery and mental cruelty.
if the decision is in your father’s favour, her claim for alimony and maintenance (if demanded) might be rejected. primarily because of her adultery (ground for denial) and her also earning equally and has a way of sustenance. however, if court decides to be lenient, then your father may pay alimony which shouldn’t be so hefty as other key attractors like no job of wife, no wrong done by her are not attracted.
maybe that’s how you should proceed. might help a bit. also do search on google and read article about it because taking any step further to gain clarity.
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UCollect evidence and send it to your dad anonymously ,fake email, Insta, whatever works. Don’t let him know you know. He’s an adult , let him handle it.
Focus on your studies and take this as a life lesson ,cheating happens, whether it’s men or women. Military life makes it even more common. Hard truth, but knowing it early helps.
Most importantly, don’t let your mom manipulate you or your sister against your dad. Divorce can get ugly, and she might use you for alimony. If it comes to court, just tell the truth. Be brave.
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UWell , I am saying this by my personal experience DONT TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS ,NOT EVEN YOUR FATHER , it will only complicate things , plus you also have a sister so think about her , now as far as your mother’s cheating is concern gather as manu evidence as possible ,but I have seen this even in my parents case is that adultery is not much thing that court consider while deciding alimony so ultimately your father will have to bear the consequences, both financially and mentally , plus your sisters mental well being will be fucked for the rest of her life , so please think of her , now let’s come to when should you disclose this , my point is not until your sister cross 10th standard , I know it’s lot of time , but I did the same mistake and seeing the severe consequences of this and the only one who is affected less is mom , which will be same in your case , she will live happily with her partner , she will have her job , she will have alimony and most probably your sister’s custody so everything is win win for her , but it will be totally negative for your father . I want to say so many things but I am just saying one line begging you is to PLEASE DONT SAY THIS TO ANYONE NOT EVEN YOUR DAD , and all the best bro I know it’s very hard time for you and I have been there , so just advising you to be thorough with your every decision and think for your sister’s and father’s interest
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RLawyer here
Don’t tell your father till you pass 12th and become 18+ and have a PAN and voter id card it’s necessary to show that you are now mature and have your own rights your mother then can’t take the use of children to take maintenance and she is also earing and also collect her pay slips and ITR and bank statements if you can then only tell him and go for divorce-
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NNot A Lawyer,
Yeah but your sister won’t turn 18 any soon. So your father will still end up paying huge sum of alimony. There’s no way you can tell him in next 10 yrs, without hurting him mentally, financiallly & legally.
These legal battles are way too skewed against a man. Plus the length of these battles and the amount of bad name it brings to the family will ruin your father.
The best thing you can do is play dumb. Let your mother make mistakes and you take advantage of it and keep gathering evidences.
One day when you are earning yourself and by that time if your sister is above 18, then tell your father. Let him make his decision about how to move ahead with all the evidences.
The best thing would be to get a mutual divorce. It will save huge time & money.-
RLawyer here,
If you read my above comments and reply i have said that when she turns 18 she and her father can claim the custody of the minor (her sister) and the alimony and maintenance will be lower as the mother of them is govt employee in addition to it there are no kids with her now if the court grants custody which the court has to as father and daughter can say that the mother is not loyal and can’t do proper care of the minor-
NI agree that maintenance for the minor daughter will be lower, but there will still be Alimony factor. Courts will definitely review all the assets n incomes of both parties. If OPs mother actually earn that high and also has assets in her name, then there is a small chance of no Alimony. But in my personal experience even in SC, for a woman who has a full time job for past 11 yrs, with no kids, Mediators forced me to pay a nice lumpsum.
So I will say again that OPs father will still have to suffer financially, socially and legally as well.
There’s no easy way out for her and her father.
Regarding the custody you may be right. I forgot that OP once turns 18 will also be counted as an adult and if, only if, you guys can prove with sufficient solid evidences that OPs mother was cheating on her father, then i agree with you that they will get minor daughter’s custody.
But if OP is thinking that the other party’s lawyer won’t create a strong case for minor daughter’s custody, and Alimony, then she has lot to learn. Her mother might be narcissistic but she is still a mother, she ain’t gonna fight easy.
Ohh BTW all these legal cases will definitely last long. Mediation remains the fastest way to resolve the issues.
Downvote as much as you want, reality is very stark from the reddit world. -
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UYou can ask your father for some spy apps they will come in handy like it send screenshot of that mobile every 3 to 4 sec some are free some are paid i would suggest use paid one as i have used once free one it does not work well and it is free for 2 to 3 days. Like wise you will gather many proof of her like video call and call recording of her with her ap then when you turn 18 or after proper proof you can use that as leverage like say i will show all these proof in family and office as many ofdice have no dating type policy and you have to take help of your father first and ask him to draw divorce paper proper solid so she cant backtrack and use that proof as leverage also follow all your relative on insta or have there number so if she say u cant do anything sort situation then you can say i have numbers n all i will create group n share them or post them use that leverage as advantage then do all stuff and ask this to proper lawyer as im not on legal stuff btw dont mention this in any of chat or call that you will share this stuff n all as it will back fire if she got proff after you collect all proff delete that app maybe after proper divorse if she change any narative like your father was toxic just post all stuff on insts n created whatsapp group and dont include this clause where you have to sign something where you cant use your proof and get nasty lawyer to fight her
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FProblem with such evidence is it’s permissibility. Depends on the judge but most of the times evidence obtained through such means will get you nowhere
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UYes i know but as we are living in india where you get evidence still there you can bribe officers or delay process and do all kind of stuff but what important in our culture is reputation if OP use that they can do divorse fast and she will happliy sign her custody of and maybe divorse can be in more favour of them
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UI’m sorry to hear about the difficult situation you’re facing. Here are some practical steps you can consider:
1. **Gather Evidence**: Continue to collect solid evidence of your mother’s infidelity. This could include screenshots of messages, photos, or any other proof that can substantiate your claims. Make sure to keep this evidence secure and confidential.
2. **Seek Support**: Talk to a trusted adult, such as a family friend, relative, or counselor, who can provide guidance and support. They might offer a different perspective and help you navigate this complex situation.
3. **Plan the Conversation**: When you feel ready to talk to your father, choose a calm and private moment. Approach the conversation with empathy and concern for his well-being. Start by expressing your love and concern for him, and then present the evidence you have gathered.
4. **Focus on Your Sister**: Given your younger sister’s age, it’s important to consider her emotional well-being. Ensure that she has a support system in place, whether it’s through family, friends, or counseling.
5. **Encourage Open Communication**: Encourage your father to communicate openly with your mother about the issues. It might be helpful for them to seek couples counseling to address the underlying problems in their relationship.
6. **Protect Your Father’s Interests**: If you suspect that your mother might demand alimony or take other actions that could harm your father, discreetly consult with a financial advisor or a trusted legal expert to understand how to protect his assets and interests.
7. **Self-Care**: Take care of your own mental and emotional health. This situation is undoubtedly stressful, and it’s important to seek support for yourself as well. Consider talking to a counselor or therapist who can help you process your feelings.
Remember, this is a sensitive and complex situation, and it’s important to handle it with care and discretion.
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UWhen you gather evidences, do not keep it in your phone rather create a new email id and attach it there. There are chances your mom will check your phone/ laptop. Usually mothers have the tendencies. Then wait until your 12th is over and you move to college. Then anonymously send it to your father. If at some point he doubts and ask you, agree it but tell him to keep your name out of it and your mother doesnt need to know. Then there should be evidences of how your mother bad mouths him to his children which also needs to be recorded and kept for custody battles. While you collect evidences focus on your studies well. Get good grades and secure your future. At some point in life, there will be situation where you may not get enough financial support. Keep upskilling yourself and focus on your career.
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NLawyer here. Considering that your father is in the army and you kids live with your mother, it’s not advisable to expose her affair at this moment. It will only backfire and life will become more hell for you if you do so. Your father being away on duty won’t be able to protect you from the abuse and torture you may face from your mother for exposing her affair. Your father won’t even be able to get custody of kids due to him being in the army. The mature thing to do here is kind your own business and focus on your studies. Try to become independent as soon as possible and leave the house. Once your younger sister is also grown up and has also become independent, only then it makes sense to tell your father about the affair.
As a lawyer I have seen cases where children who expose affair of a parent are often punished ruthlessly by the parents, denied further education and even denied share in property in extreme cases. Often the other parent knows about the affair and is ok with it but gets angry at kids for interfering in their marriage. That’s why it’s better to be selfish and mind your business for the time being at least.
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UThis reply needs to be pinned and upvoted as it’s the only practical advice OP can follow.
OP has already mentioned about her being narcissistic. Chances are OP’s father already knows about this and after exposing this OP will still have to deal and live under the same roof with her mother.
Just want to add one point for OP, elaborating on this practical comment
It’s heartbreaking to read about this but please don’t take any decision based on right or wrong. Sometimes, you need to take a decision which is practical and take an action at the appropriate moment. Now is not the right time for you to interfere in your parents marriage which is a goner. Please focus on your studies and try to be financially independent. Have a good bond with your younger sister and encourage her also to be financially independent.
You may think now is the right time to expose your mother but please remember it’s not a practical thing to do now as you will still be living under the same roof with your mother. Narcissists can go to any extent, she can poison your relation with your sister too, make you as the person who has wronged her by saying stuff like this generation doesn’t respect parents and has crossed all limits by suspecting parents. This will add too much drama into your life. Falling into legal cases is excruciating and exhausting. It’s not that easy as other comments have made it seem. Exposing your mother will make your future difficult especially when you are still dependant for your studies.
While you may have the urge to resolve this and do the right thing now but please remember you and your sister are still not financially independent and have a whole lot of life ahead of you. Please don’t involve in your parents mucky affairs, stay away from it and focus on yourself.Chances are your father already knows and this would have been happening since long before. That’s why the fights. These fights haven’t suddenly cropped up, they were already happening. It’s just that you have now become mature enough to see through it.
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NThank you. Yes I’m truly appalled by the ridiculous comments here in the name of “legal advice”. Keeping shut is simply a no brainer here.
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MI agree with the advice that you have given.
But I feel a rift in the family is inevitable, even if there is no divorce. I can sense that OP absolutely hates her mother obviously. So she will want to be independent of the mother as soon as she turns 18. Otherwise living with the mother will only harm her studies and mental health. If the mother is such a narcissistic person she may even try to marry off OP or force her to study at whatever college she decides. At some point this will explode and OP will need to decide whether to stay with mother or leave.
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RThis is not legal advice. You are exceeding the scope of legal advise and are giving personal advice.
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NWell lawyers are legally and ethically bound to give practical advise too and not simply encourage clients to file cases just for fees
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RNo, we are not ethically bound to give personal advice. We may, but are not required to, and when we do give personal advice, we are ethically bound to state that. This is because a lot of lawyers would be happy to give the personal advice of filing a case under the guise of legal advice. Granted that you are doing the exact opposite in this case, but you are still giving personal advice under the guise of legal advice.
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NIt’s very much legal advise only as I have cited facts from a similar legal case. If you have so much of a problem with “personal advise” why don’t you go after the hundreds of non lawyers posting their frivolous comments on a legal advise sub
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VIt’s sad to see that some Men who put their lives to serve country has to deal with disgraceful Woman like your mother.
>beta your father is so bad blah blah blah and his ego is fragile and he is ‘insecure'(famous word used by cheaters) that she is an independent women and earns equally as him
She may be a woke sh!t who thinks everything is under her control.
And about Custody Your father may not get Custody cuz he has Army duty. You and your sister can’t live alone. Court will likely give Custody to your mother. She will know that You told your father about her behaviour and cause of the divorce. And I doubt your mother will behave good with you and your sister afterwards? After divorce she will roam with those 3 men without any issue but You and your Sister will be in some worse situation as your Sister is way too young to understand things. Wait and Keep collecting more proofs of your mother’s disgraceful behaviour. Don’t rush anything. I hope something good will happen to you and your sister.
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UThere’s nothing that you can do. Chances are your father already knows.
Don’t tell about this to anyone. You will complicate matters by involving yourself into a murky situation which is something your parents should resolve themselves.
Focus on yourself, have a great bond with your sister, study, get a job, become financially independent, make sure your sister is also financially independent, get yourself and your sister married and only then think whether you want to bring this to your father’s attention.
It’s a long wait but sadly this is only the practical way.Remember,
The fights aren’t cropping up suddenly.
The fights were always happening.
It’s just that you have become mature enough to see through this.
You can’t fix your parents marriage but you can fix your life. -
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KI’m so sorry when kids have to a parent committing adultery. But pls find a quiet private time to talk to your father and let him know. Soldiers get so much respect in the world it’s extremely sad when they don’t in their families. Show whatever you have to your father and leave it with him. It’s his decision to make what to do about it. You focus on your studies and try and limit your interactions with your mother. It’ll only add to your trauma
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MI’m sorry to hear what you are going through. If your father is a good man as you say and you want him to get out of this with minimal damage you need to be patient and plan it.
1. Keep gathering evidences of everything she is doing.
2. Wait till you are above 18. If your father starts divorce proceedings now, your mother will have advantage in having custody of both you and your sister.
3. Don’t tell anyone else as of now.
4. Ask your father to be patient till you attain 18.
5. After you turn 18, your mother can’t legally force you to stay with her. Then you can start living with your father or any other relative.
6. Then your father can file for a divorce on grounds of adultery.
7. You will appear as a witness on your father’s side in the court to mention how she cheated on him etc etc.
8.Hopefully he will get a divorce and she can’t claim much alimony maintenance because of the adultery and because she is working.
9. Hopefully he will be able to get custody of your sister also. This is unfortunately the most difficult part. -
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UWhatever the outcome be, you should fight to give justice to your father. Being mere spectator for such gross behaviour is not a strong person trait. Infact you should start confronting your mother and show her place.
In India law is in favour of women, so your father might not get custody as he is not around u. But getting him divorce and making his life better should be your duty. After few years when u start earning you can anyways leave your mother’s house. Don’t leave her without punishment. -
UStay quite. Silently collect more and more solid proofs against your mother that can’t be denied in the court. If you need help or ideas as to what kind of proofs can be collected feel free to drop me a message.
Keep collecting the proofs and keep uploading them on cloud storage as well offline storage. Whenever taking whatsapp chat screenshots make sure that instead the name of the person, number of person must appear. You can also screen record whatsapp conversations rather than just taking screenshots. Another solid way that can’t be denied in court is to simply copy the whole com.whatsapp folder from time to time (like every week). It’s a back up on it’s on and in it you won’t be able to edit any chats. that means its a solid proof and can’t be denied.
Try to set up call recording on in her mobile. And from time to time copy the recorded folder to your mobile extract the proofs to your online/offline storage.
Whenever you get into any argument with her, silently turn on video recording.
See, only you can help your father in this situation. From what you said it looks like your mother is highly likely not to take care of you and your future education once she takes alimony by putting false case on your father. You have to help him. The way your described, it looks like your father will go out of the way to do anything for his kids.
Given this situation, it seems a there could be divorce in near future and you have to stay prepared for it. Study well, don’t take pressure. You have just 3-4 more years after that you can become independent and take a Job.
Also, take care of your little sibling as he/she is small and all of this shouldn’t effect his childhood.
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UIts better you dont get involved in your parents relationship. Your father might not like you showing proof etc. it might back fire. You may have issues with your mother but exposing affair is right way to get back. Your father may forgive her and be together but your life may become hell. Now it much be okay but later can become worse. Focus on your studies and career. Unless your father need your help you don’t initiate anything. You might become villain if you make any miscalculated step. Just focus yourself and take care of your sister.
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FThe problem here as ig others mentioned, not the divorce but the further proceedings. Your father will have to pay alimony in most cases, unless there is a certain disqualifying measure on your mother, that being both her earning enough to not need your father for sustenance and abusive towards children for custody issues.
Also collect evidence, if possible more substantial. Chats are questionable nowadays and can be disputed.
Now here is the kicker if you are really serious. Don’t let your mother know anything about it unless the divorce is filed. Who files the case matters and more so the foundation of it. Abusive towards children and unfit for raising them should be a primary contention with adultery.
Also observe your father and if you see if he is going through, ask him to go for a therapist. It may be an important point during the case if cruelty is proven towards your mother and regular visits to a therapist can be used there.
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SI’m not sure but only divorce isn’t what you need to think of here but future. If your father found out about the cheating there’s good chance he will start looking for some comfort outside if didn’t got depressed completely started hating women aka after divorce you might end up getting step mom who may or may not be nice. You might get out soon since you’re older but your younger sister is just 7-9 year old. She got lot of years. Can you really take responsibility of how things will unfold in future? Don’t mess with adult stuff. Let your father find out on his own.
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UI guess while doing this get as much info as possible on the guy she’s cheating with.. He should be married to i guess reguarding the situation. And when you turn up this on your mother send the same details to the guy … Like SUPRISE …. In fear he might give the more Evidence and proof that will help you also and if you wanna do send those things to his family too. He should pay the price for ruining a Army man’s family…..
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USorry you have to face this.
He already knows.. He is staying for you kids. You can tell him that you are on his side if he wants to divorce.
He probably knows… to avoid alimony you guys need solid proof and it’s easy to get. You can hire a good detective and they will get all the evidence, pictures and videos of her cheating.
Iv read on Reddit itself.. If cheating is proved there is no alimony and top of it she is earning.
Rest is that your mother will get custody of your sister as she is very young. You need to get her into confidence somehow on your side.. So hopefully your father gets custody of both of you. Or wait until she is old enough to tell the judge with whom she wants to stay otherwise she will suffer alone.
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UWell, gather the proof and share it with someone you really trust before sharing it with your father. Once you, your father, and another relative are involved, consult a lawyer. Then, with the help of the lawyer, take action. Before that, keep everything hidden from your mother, or else she may put your father in danger with false cases.
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AReading this is very disturbing, no wonder how many people have to go thru this in their personal life and are quiet. While reddit gives us an open personality to be who we actually are and share stuff to fellow users.
Im sorry girl but you need to stay away from all this and focus on your life and your sister.
Leave your parents on their own.
Any mother calling her own daughter a randi is seriously not straight in her head and needs some serious consueling.
Please don’t let this effect you, learn to be independent and don’t depend on anyone.
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UHad a friend who went through the same. She used to speak the same way about her father. Years later she got to know her father is a serial cheater as well and one of his partners committed suicide 😅 and then she started showing the same traits as her parents in her relationships…. That’s when the reality hits you really hard… Realising how much of them is in you and the work required to not go down their path.
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