- This topic has 32 replies, 23 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 5 months ago by
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UBack story –
I have good words with my father who is serving nation in govt job, also a ex service men. I (22m) am software engineer at some service based company with average basic package like every big company gives. We purchased a house in 2021, whole on loan.
~50lac. Also some amount to repairs and work.Some time ago, I got to know he had 15 lacs(2seperate) of loan already. Had huge fight because of his bad finance. So he combined these 2 loans with me being co borrower, I had to forcefully sign.
Now he saying to get another loan of 60 lacs combining all the loans. And we will take more loan when we find a groom for her.
We don’t have car, looking for a groom for Sisters
Marriage. That we have to take care.He is only paying all the emis, but I am co borrower in all loans.
I don’t want any fight with him, but he don’t listen to me. Below are the loans I have on my name
35lac home loan
2lac homeloan
15 lac loan
2 lac insurance
6 lac loan(relative took for us)What should I do..?
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USit with your father, write down all loans and plan to pay it back. What is loan for and look for the benefits out of it.
Discuss all scenarios and have a open transparent communication.
Make sure you explain your situation and share how tentative your hob is in current market etc. plus how these loans put pressure on you mentally.
If he understands well , if not decide not to sign for any loan and cut off communication with him for next 6-12 months.
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KI’m always confused by posts like these. What legal advice do you even want? Stop signing loans for your parents and tell them to pay their debts off. You’re on the hook for things you’ve already agreed to finance. Stop financing more.
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UDo not sign. I REPEAT. DO NOT SIGN!
No amount of money is enough for some people and even if you clear all their loans and make them whole they’ll still go get more loans. I’ve been through this and wasted over 2Cr on my dad, and he’s still not grateful. Instead always defends himself by saying I planted a tree (i.e. me) and all my fruits and shade belongs to him. That’s how it has been in vedas and stuff. I get angry and verbally abuse him and then Mom gangs up on me too. It’s a never ending cycle that gets worse with each turn.
You should find some way to say no without burning the bridge. And stay away from him as much as possible. For eg: say that my company isn’t cooperating, and that they’ll not give me any raise because they now know I’ll never leave this job (as they know I now have a loan on my head). Somehow make it sound like you want to help him but you aren’t able to.
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UAlso, another mistake I made, do not disclose your real salary, savings, investments etc. It’ll always be in the back of their mind. And if you purchased any gold and kept there, put them in a locker. My parents basically gave some of it to my sister (when she had a baby) without even asking me. And when I later found it I inquired and that turned into a huge argument that how can I even ask. Sisters are godly people, if she asks you should give away everything you have to her and her children even if you have to beg.
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SEx service man with pension? Anyways, you must make him understand that he is just giving you an unwanted burden.
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NApart from the house loan, what are the other loans that he took?
Legally as you have signed so now you are the co-borrower. However your father is paying the loans so things will only fall on your shoulders if he dies.Morally, if the loans are taken for family purpose and not for your father’s own fun or personal consumption, then I would expect you to support your family and work hard, earn more and pay the loans as fast as you can. Make your family debt free. Your are a son, it’s your duty to provide for your family including making them debt free. It’s difficult but over a period of time, you will be able to figure out things. Don’t stress on it.
If the loans he has taken are wild and for maintaining his status or fun or personal consumption then DO NOT sign the papers and don’t become the Co borrower. Move out, you are self sufficient to survive on your own. Let him feel the burn of his stupid decisions.Financially sit down with your father, note down all the loans, their period, and the combined EMIs. Do a reality check if you alone can pay the emi and continue to support yourself & family. If not then point this out to your father and don’t sign any more papers to become coborrower for new loans. What you have already signed, you will continue to be liable for it till the loans are paid off.
Don’t fight with him or curse him or blame him. It will not fix the problem. Handling it like a man can only show you the path. Taking small steps will take you & your family forward. Don’t make the same mistakes that your father did.
All the best OP. I am sure you will get the whole family out of this mess. You have it in you and am sure you will smartly tackle things out.
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UThanks!
I really needed such response.Great thing is that I have good words with him. Only issue is finance and he is somewhat brainwashed by share market. To support my family I am paying my education expenses right after 12th. And Taking care of monthly all expenses food and all.
Mostly the loans are for family only, the issue is that he used to do share market trading, so took loans, of those 15 lac and sold a property. Since then it is going down for us.
Being a Son I am ready to give it all. I am the man of my home, will do whatever it takes.
I took a term insurance as well incase anything happens it will help.
I will be switching company, once I graduate, increasing my pay is the main goal tbh. -
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UYou should focus on switching the company and get a better pay and never inform parents and keep on investing money. Also watch warikoo on youtube how you can payoff faster.
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USet clear boundaries with your father. Just as he didn’t fulfill all your demands for toys when you were a child, it’s okay to say no now. In India, many parents struggle to respect boundaries. They often encroach on personal space and may expect financial support. Taking on such a large loan at the age of 22 is a poor decision. It could take years, even a decade, to repay, and it will significantly impact your quality of life.
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SBTW, an ex service man apart from pension, he might have received a good amount at the time of retirement too. Did your father have spent that too??
Any other job, did he secure any other job too after retiring from the Army?? Or staying at home?? -
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SBro, learn to say NO. Otherwise you will realise the cost for not saying no.
If you taken loan as a co borrower, at least have insurance on that loan. Check with the agent that if someone gets in permanent disability or death then the insurance to agencies to clear that loan or help in some percentage of amount. (This part I am not sure, check with insurance agents)
House owner: both you and your dad to be the owners, joint account.
Always keep this in mind – Bad finance is always a dead zone, whoever links to it will pay the penalty, the cost for that will be mental breakdown or death.
Best is: show the numbers to your father and try him to understand little, in terms of the loan debt game, take physics printouts and sit and discuss with current earnings of both and current debts and how many years it leads to payoff. By the time what will be the age of yours. And also show him what are the additional costs involve over the period of time and by the time the lon gets clear you will at his age and did nothing but paying debts of his mistakes!
If he is attacking with emotions then you also do the same with emotion as well as numbers, at the end he will have a chance of understanding it. Otherwise always say no and you choose your life, ultimately he has to obey you otherwise he won’t get the loan so both are safe.
Until your signature, you have time to be on the right path despite whatever he says, once you sign then no one can save you, not even your dad.
You will die one day by paying loans that’s the ultimate path of taking too many loans.
All the best.
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SI just read a post somewhere, the guy is 21 with his dad having crazy amount of loads, around 1.3L/month is EMI, with a salary of 22k/month. If you do not wanna end up in that same position then do not sign any documents and also handle relations and finance differently. Mix them both and you’ll end up in a dilemma.
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