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LTitle: URGENT
Hi Reddit,
I’m posting this on behalf of my sister because our entire family is mentally and emotionally exhausted. We are desperately seeking advice or help—legal, religious, or even moral support.My sister married a man she loved in 2021. He brought a proposal to our family in 2018, and after some time, we agreed. However, from the beginning, his mother disapproved of my sister for her medium skin tone, preferring someone “fair” like the rest of their family. Despite that, the marriage went ahead because the man insisted he loved her.
Soon after marriage, they had to move out and live separately because of ongoing mistreatment from his family. In their second year of marriage, my sister happily conceived a baby. During this time, she noticed unusual closeness between her husband and a younger, fair-skinned female colleague. When she confronted him about flirty chats and photos, he denied any wrongdoing, claiming they were just office friends.
She tried to trust him and protect her marriage, but after giving birth, while scrolling through photos of their baby, she discovered more intimate images of them. This time, he confessed he was in love with the woman but said he would never divorce my sister because “Islam allows two marriages.”
It’s been 11 months since his confession. He went ahead and secretly married the other woman, who was fully aware he was already married and had a child. Now, they’re planning a grand public reception within the next few days (possibly in 3 days) with her family—who doesn’t know he’s already married.
We’ve appealed to local Muslim community leaders twice, but they say they can’t force him to give a divorce. Worse, he now openly threatens us—saying even if we go to court or the police, he’ll silence everyone with money.
Important Note: I’m not here to debate religious rulings or receive taunts about how things work in Islam. This isn’t about whether second marriages are “allowed.” It’s about betrayal, manipulation, lack of consent, and emotional abuse. My sister did not agree to polygamy, and this was all done behind her back while she was recovering from childbirth and raising their baby.
My sister is trapped in a toxic marriage with no peace and no respect. She’s trying to raise her baby while living with the betrayal, and he walks around like nothing happened.
Please—if you know what we can do, especially fast (before the reception), share your advice. Legal, religious, anything. We’re located in [insert location if you’d like], and time is running out.
Thank you for reading this. We’re exhausted and just want her to be free and safe.
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QI know you don’t want to hear this but here it is – Lawyer up. Call his bluff. Raise hell. Play dirty if you need to. The worse will happen anyways if you don’t attack. The fight has chosen you. There is no easy way out any more. You can let him ruin your life, or decide what victory looks like for you and pursue it with all kinds of strategies.
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LThey are there only for money to even start they are like 5k is needed to even listen to the matter and they are more interested into how much we will spent than what’s the matter and they don’t really prioritise the matter as they see they are several cases like these
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MWhy can’t she give khula? That’s permissible, in Islam and didn’t your sister add no 2nd marriage as a clause in her nikha nama?
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LThey were in love for over 5 years before marriage what point was there to add that he played well showing he wants only her and we did a deep sleep research but I didn’t come across that women can give khula can you give me the reference where its mentioned I have seen cases where more than 3 months it’s not valid and if women wants to marry it’s under nikah e fasika
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BThough religiously a man I’d supposed to give dowry/ mehr.
In India, Muslim families do give dowry to men like everyone else because of culture.
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HYeah well no wonder people hate this religion. It is only made to help men suppress women. What religion tells a man to marry 4 women but women have to just accept it? Milords will side with the guy in this case.
What happened to people who said UCC is not required?
I have no idea why the women don’t just change their religion to escape this suppression?
If this female was any other religion, the guy would not be able to do this at all.
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BFirst, polygamy can be restricted in Nikah nama. 2nd thing, no, a woman is not required to accept it she most definitely can leave.
Women can get khula even if the husband was not at fault or abusive.
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BYou get alimony during the iddah period regardless of which type of divorce is used.
Also, no, you don’t have to return the mehr. If you can’t afford to do so, you can return anything of value that the husband provided within the marriage. It could be anything but needs to have a certain value.
A woman can’t be forced or demanded to pay more than what she can afford, especially if she gets khula through courts or Muslim jurists.
Also, the woman has inherent right to children’s custody, and the man has to pay child support until they reach adulthood. The man also has to compensate her for breastfeeding.
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CIddah period is only 3 months.
Basically, you are saying if a woman can’t afford to, then she need not return Mehr & other gifts.
Child Support is applicable to men of all religions.
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BDude she needs to return anything she got in marraige as a compensation, it could be mehr, it could be earing, it could be bangle, it could even be nose ring gofted by the husband if that’s all she can afford.
Literally anything of value. Nobody is forced to pay something they can’t afford or something that can hinder their right to leave.
And other than what she returns, the husband has no right over anything she bought or he gave as a gift to her within their marriage, there are verses on this particular senerio aswell.
>Child Support is applicable to men of all religions
And..? That’s a good thing.
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MAll of you together take bags and go stay in the new girls relatives house. Say you aren’t going anywhere till you have answer and no , you will not agree for forced polygamy relationship.
The more problem you create at the new girl’s family’s houses and people. The sooner you will have a relief.
Stop being scared of everything he says. If he’s scaring you with money and power. You go do one thing you can do, collect yourself, your sister, your parents and any friends & family who is supporting you to go sit in the girls family & relative’s house.
When police comes, cry, say call the media, do drama. Soon he will give the divorce himself.
Remember, not his family, but the new girl’s family. No violence, just cry, give sob stories, sit there and don’t move.
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LWe would have contacted the girls family if we could it’s complicated as no one from boys family is on out side to let the information slip moreover the boy is smart and didn’t let any info about the girl slip even to his own family and I got a tip from his colleagues about the girls last working day I went to their office to follow her to get the address and then get in contact with her parents but soon those collogues turned and he gottu know I’m there and I didn’t get catch hold of the girl either and we tried to search for her Id on insta or anywhere possible but he deleted all accounts and made it private and we couldn’t even get her on call despite having her number and even now after knwoing that the girl’s family doesn’t know about the second marriage we want to get in contact with them but there is no way as he isn’t telling even his family the reception date far away from meeting her family
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FSo I did some digging and this is what I found. Ways using which a muslim woman can divorce her husband if marriage was registered under muslim personal law
1. Talaq-e-Tafweez – If husband delegated right of divorce to wife in the marriage contract (nikahnama).
Ask your sister if in the Nikahnama , she was given right to initiate divorce by her husband. If yes, she can
2. Khula – Wife seeks divorce by returning dower (mahr) or giving compensation; needs husband’s consent.
Khula can only be given under husband’s consent. So in your case I don’t think it will work
3. Lian – If husband falsely accuses her of adultery, she can seek divorce.
Now this is complicated. I don’t know if it will work in your sister’case
The only option i guess you have is Faskh. But you need good lawyers for that.
4. Faskh – Judicial annulment via court due to cruelty, impotence, desertion (4+ years), failure to provide maintenance (2+ years), or serious illness.
Details about Faskh
https://indiankanoon.org/search/?formInput=faskh-
LThere was no contract at the time of marriage so first one is not possible and the second one is a given one should be returning mehr at the time of divorce if it’s third one she is used been accused for adulteration but despite it she it still seeking divorce with no result and fourth is gonna be an year now nothing more so and I checked the link sure seems helpful the thing is my sister wants documents and the word talaq from him three times despite ur thoughtfulness to research and help means alot thank you I’ll look into it as well
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B>2. Khula – Wife seeks divorce by returning dower (mahr) or giving compensation; needs husband’s consent.
>Khula can only be given under husband’s consent. So in your case I don’t think it will work
That is not true. Khula is either mutul or granted through court/ Muslim jurists.
And a woman can give it to the husband regardless of if he is at fault or not.
There are multiple hadiths on it, especially the famous one of Wife of thabit, where she specifically said that there was no abuse, but she just didn’t want to continue the marriage.
The wife of Thabit ibn Qays came to the Prophet and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, I do not blame Thabit for any defect in his character or religion, but I do not want to commit an act of disbelief (by being ungrateful).’ The Prophet said, ‘Will you return his garden (mahr)?’ She said, ‘Yes.’ So the Prophet told him to take back the garden and ordered that he divorce her.”
[The wife didn’t accuse her husband of abuse — she simply couldn’t continue the marriage. The Prophet allowed her to divorce in exchange for giving back the dowry.]
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FWe are not here to debate on Hadith and how different muslim clerics interpret it. Give her the facts that can help her . And the facts are :
The situation where a husband refuses to agree to khula poses significant challenges for Muslim women seeking divorce.
If a husband does not agree to khula, the wife can:
– Seek help from an Islamic court or a qualified scholar
– Initiate divorce proceedings in a court
– Take her case to a sharai punchayat or Darul QazaKhula has its own complexities especially when husband does not agree to it
Reference :
Another one :
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B>If a husband does not agree to khula, the wife can:
>- Seek help from an Islamic court or a qualified scholar
– Initiate divorce proceedings in a court
– Take her case to a sharai punchayat or Darul QazaDude, isn’t that what I was saying…? That she can obviously go to court to get khula, and she does not need the husband’s consent.
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F> That she can obviously go to court to get khula, and she does not need the husband’s consent.
Again my friend you are missing a big point here. To get Khula without husband consent is not that simple.
You see in 2021 to get Khula without husband consent that Kerela lady had to drag up the case to Kerela High court [ Check the link in my previous comment]. High court for a plain simple old fashioned divorce ???
Have you ever been to courts ? You need a good lawyer and tons of money to drag a case till the High court. I don’t think this girl or her family has that kind of money or connections
Usually a normal divorce in any other civil law or marriage act finishes up in the local city Civil court.
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BI was not aware that it was this hard to get khula when religiously it could be given within a day.
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QThere is no nikahnama from your comments and the marriage is under Islamic laws. Whatever said and promised is not valid, he can have a second wife.
Your sister should look for Khula.
Since you used chatgpt , I am also using it. I am not a lawyer allowed to practice in India.
Here’s a clear breakdown of the Khula process in India when a woman has a child involved.
In India, personal laws apply — for Muslims, the Muslim Personal Law (Shariat) Application Act, 1937 governs family matters like marriage, divorce, and inheritance. The Khula process is both a religious and legal separation, and having a child makes a difference mainly in custody and financial support.
Step-by-Step Khula Process:
Initiate Khula Request
First, the wife must approach the husband and express her wish to dissolve the marriage through Khula.She usually offers to return the Mahr (dower) or any agreed compensation.
If the husband agrees, it can be settled easily through mutual consent.
If the husband refuses, you must approach the family court.
File a Khula Petition in Family Court
If no agreement is reached, the wife files a Khula petition through a lawyer in the local family court.
The petition includes:Reason for seeking Khula.
Details of the marriage.
Details of the child (custody and maintenance request if applicable).
Statement about return of Mahr or any settlement offer.
Child Custody & Maintenance
When a child is involved:The mother can request custody as part of the Khula case.
Under Indian law, courts usually grant custody of young children (especially minors below 7) to the mother, unless the father proves she is unfit.
The father is legally obligated to provide financial support (child maintenance) even after Khula.
Husband’s Reply and Court Hearings
The court sends notice to the husband, who can respond or contest. The court will:Try reconciliation (usually one or two sessions).
If the wife is firm, the court records her statement and proceeds.
Khula Decree Granted
If the court is satisfied, it will pass a Decree of Khula, formally ending the marriage.Iddah Period
The woman must observe the Iddah period (three menstrual cycles) before remarrying. Child custody is not affected by Iddah.Child Custody Finalization
If both parties agree, custody is finalized peacefully.
If there’s a dispute, the court will decide in the child’s best interest (even after divorce). Maintenance amount will also be fixed by the court.Important Notes:
You do not lose custody of your child just because you’re seeking Khula.
Child maintenance is the father’s duty by law. Khula does not cancel this.
Legal advice from a family lawyer is highly recommended to draft a strong petition, especially where custody is involved.
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B>The mother can request custody as part of the Khula case.
Mother inherently has custody both religiously and legally.
It’s not allowed in Islam to separate a child from her/his mother.
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QThe mother’s right to custody can be forfeited if she remarries. In such cases, the custody right can shifts to the father.
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LThank you for ur thoughtfulness and we looked into all these but the procedure didn’t really work out in our favour coz according to shariya they are supporting his second marriage and we had this done when he was caught cheating they let it slide and after his marriage they just send her back telling they can’t force him and she shld adjust
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BA Muslim woman can secure khula through Muslim jurist even if the husband does not agree. Even if there is no abuse or any fault of the husband ( though in this case it is )
She can either return the mehr or give anything that he has given her within the marriage. There is no weight on her if she can’t afford too much. She can give what she can.
Go to a Islamic leader, often times they might discourage your sister from divorce or even try to make you believe that ypu can’t divorce the husband without hid consent but that’s not true so don’t believe them. Find someone who is willing to grant khula.
Your sister also has the right to alimony during the iddah and child support until the child grows up into an adult. You can seek both.
Also, contact multiple NGOs if he has political power.
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VBro what kind of solution you want?
Muslim marriages do not come under the hindu marriage act of Anand marriage act where one only 1 marriage is allowed at a time.
Secondly, Muslims mostly prefer going by sharia law, where your religious preachers have allowed more than 1 marriage, both ways no one can help you.
One odd solution i would like to refer here, similar situation like yourself, the girl converted to hinduism and then by law she was protected. Please search on google It was some case of Agra Uttar Pradesh. It was hyped very much and Muslim groom has to cancel his marriage due to such negative publicity on news channels.
Even, Dharmendra married Hema Malini after converting to Islam plainly only for marriage purposes. You can do vice versa and try.
So try that and arrange for all media people to come, media loves such stories, who knows it works for you
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PIs he maintaining your sister & the child? that means is he giving money to your sister? How long he’s been in this relationship?
Trying to understand what are the grounds that she could establish to take the help from court. Facts stated by clearly imply that he wouldn’t agree if your sister initiated Khula.
It is not ok for the husband to marry again if the first wife is not willing for polygamy. But there is no express provision for that. My opinion is to seek some help through Religious leaders to intervene and inform the second girl’s family. Send some letters with the photographs of your sister and her child to the second girl’s family.
The following are the grounds to seek divorce by wife through the court (However, in this case they may not be applicable)
Under the Dissolution of Muslim Marriages Act, a Muslim wife can seek divorce on several grounds, including:
* Unknown whereabouts of husband for four years or more
* Neglect to maintain wife for 2 years or more
* Husband sentenced with imprisonment for 7 years or more
* Failure to perform marital obligations for 3 years or more
* Impotency
* Insanity or venereal disease in virulent form
* Repudiation of marriage by the wife before turning 18 years
* [https://divorcebylaw.com/what-are-the-rules-for-divorce-in-india/](https://divorcebylaw.com/what-are-the-rules-for-divorce-in-india/)**Disclaimer:** In the absence of all the facts of the case, the comments given may not be the best solution for your case. One on one consultation with a legal counsel/ advocate is advised to get better guidance.
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DDear OP, Muslim here (much much older than you and your sister). What you’ve described here is not uncommon – most Muslim men abuse and misuse religious permission to marry four times with complete disregard for other caveats.
My heart goes out to your sister and I understand how her suffering would engulf all of you too.
I laud your determination to protect her and the baby from this humiliation and pain.Was the meher paid at the time of the marriage? Is this man in a position to pay it if he’s persuaded to divorce her? I think not which is why he’s trying to keep your sister as a “wife”.
Please don’t misunderstand me but you have to weigh the pros and cons of living with this situation or being bold enough to ask for *khulla* (which means abrogation of all legal claims and right to maintenance). If your sister is educated and qualified and if you are all supportive enough, she should build up her courage to divorce him and build a new life.
Do not be afraid. Men fear brave women.
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BYou have to consult a lawyer well versed in Muslim personal law dealing with such cases
Fir starters let your sister not go back to the marital house and ask him to provide a separate dwelling for herself and the baby and let the new wife be with the in-laws
Let her not allow him any physical
Contact with herself in terms of relationsLet her not cater and cook for her in-laws and husband and take care of herself and child only
If she can start to work and get herself sorted Finanacially it will boost her self confidence
The only thing you can do at the reception is create a scene for him and his new wife and her family
The lawyer can only show you a way out
As he is allowed to marry under the personal law but check with the lawyer what happens in the civil law is that applicable at this time for Moslems in India
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