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BHello all,
My sister was in a relationship with a guy since the past 10 years and they got married last March and had a baby boy this January. The marriage was with both the family’s acceptance. They went on honeymoon to a foreign country, and the issues started from there, he hit her twice in the foreign country. Once because she took some time to get ready and in the next instance, she was on her periods and was feeling dizzy under the sun, so she informed him that she is going to sit somewhere else (she informed where she is going to sit), and he hit here when he came to that place claiming that he searched for her in the entire are. He even hit her once after that, back in their home.
Then eventually she got pregnant, and there were complications in her pregnancy leading her to be in bedrest from 3 months to the end of pregnancy, so she had to come to our (her maternal) home. Initially, he also stayed in our home, and we took extremely good care of him (from washing his clothes, to cooking food specially for him). Then, after few days he went and stayed in his home, and then never came back to visit his wife for few months, mainly due to money related fights between them, when he demanded she pay more for their household expenses (she has been paying a specific amount since day 1 of their marriage and when they stayed in our home, she didn’t pay any money to him since there were no household expenses that they were taking care of). Then, again he came back during the time of her babyshower, and they reconciled and she gave birth to their baby. After the birth of the baby. both families had a huge fight again, and that is when my sister mentioned that if he hits her again anytime in the future, she will call the police. Now, he is forcing her to resign her job and claiming that if she doesn’t resign he is going to send the divorce papers, the main reason behind it is they think that only because my sister earns and is independent, she told that she will call the police. None of their family members are picking my parent’s or my sister’s call. He occasionally picks up my sister’s call, and he only agrees for them to come back to his home, if she resigns her job.
She doesn’t even know to drive a car, yet he booked a car in her name (she was aware of it and agreed to it), and she is paying the EMI for it even when she was on loss of pay during her bedrest. Now again she is in loss of pay, as she is on extended maternity leave. She also paid 1 lakh for the downpayment of the car. Yet, he didn’t even bring the car when she went to hospital for planned C section. She also paid 50% of the amount for their honeymoon, and paid 15k for monthly expenses the entire time she was in his house. She has never asked even for a single rupee from him, we have bank statements to prove this.
His parent’s home is in a different city, so visiting them now to get a solution for this is a bit complicated. Also his parents treat our family very badly, so we are not sure if we will get any solution by visiting them. They have informed their relatives that they are willing to take my sister back but it is my parents who are refusing to send my sister back, mainly because we want her salary. Involving relatives might not be an option, because it was a love marriage and our relatives won’t get involved, although we are considering escalating this with his relatives. His sibling works as in the court, so they have extremely strong legal connections, also they are filthy rich, and we are from a lower middle class family who doesn’t even own a house.
We have few recordings of the conversation, where his family justified him hitting her, the call recordings between her and him, where he asked her to leave the job else he is going to send the divorce papers. What can we do in this situation? We are from a tier-3 city, and all relatives have started asking why she has not yet gone to her husband’s home after child birth. We are going through mental trauma due to this. Should we wait for him to either change his mind or for him to take some other course of action? Should we escalate this with his family by visiting them? Also what if she misses the car EMIs now as she is in loss of pay? We feel extremely helpless in this scenario and are unable to take any decision. Please help. TIA!
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S“he is going to send the divorce papers.”
That’s it. Just mentioning the word itself means marriage is 80% over.
1st- Leave his house with the child.
2nd- Cut off contact & block all numbers
3rd- Be prepared & take full custody of the child.
4th- Speak to a lawyer and plan either a DV or if the husband agrees file a 13 B mutual separation.
5th- One time settlement money. This is where most things go south so just take anything he gives without a fight. Avoid negotiating like you are on a shop buying cloths.
6th- Give him visiting rights for the child. It is peaceful life that way.Good luck. Keep the green & revenge aside to make it work easily.
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DAll good advice but don’t go for DV which might trigger unwanted pathways that you may not be prepped to handle even though you are from the girl’s side
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DIrrespective of whose fault it is, try to get out safe and soon. Think of it as a road accident or road rage. No use trying hard to prove who’s right or teach a lesson. Thinta can change for good or worse. Focus on coming out of this. DV might trigger the other party and may drag stuffs for you
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DI don’t think so. Hard to prove that and even in that case, I don’t think it can be used preventing visitation. It might not even be very helpful with a contested divorce too. It’s a tool to force the other person to compromise, but mostly it would be on settlement or mutual. NAL. But do double check
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BThanks for the advice. She is already in her maternal home and she wants absolutely nothing as alimony or child support, even if they come forward to pay something, we are not gonna accept it and also in the case of divorce, we’ll be returning everything they have bought (just few clothes) for her and the child.
Also, in the best case we would want to deny visitation rights, but even if the courts grants him the rights, not sure if he would want to visit the child since he last saw the kid when he was 2 months old and now the kid is almost 4 months old. Also, occasionally when he picks up my sister’s calls he doesn’t even ask about the kid. Last time, she called and asked “What about the kid’s future, if we get a divorce?”, he told “I don’t need to know about that”, we have the call recording as proof
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WNAL . File a complain. Come with police and Take possession of the car and all jewels and leave n then apply for divorce
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BThanks for the advice! We don’t need the car, no one in our family knows how to drive a car. We want him to either sell it or close the loan or transfer the loan to his name. Her jewels are with her.
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DHi. I am a Delhi based lawyer. I really empathise with your situation, but from what it seems, separation only seems the sensible way out. Such people are beyond repair so waiting for him to change his mind will only extend the duration of the marriage but will also amplify the suffering. You can connect with his family once for your own satisfaction and then take a call. If he doesn’t agree for a mutual divorce, then your sister can contemplate filing a divorce, wherein she can also seek maintenance under Sec 24. About the car, try and sell it, to be able to close the loan. Not sure if you’re ready to take aggressive steps here, but there are enough grounds for filing a DV and cruelty complaint against the husband.
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SNAL, but this is scary and triggering for me in so many ways. There were no signs in the 10 years they were together? I’ve been with my partner for 7 years, and seeing things like this makes me feel cynical. Now, anything related to him has me overanalyzing, wondering if it’s a red flag. I’m sorry I ended up ranting when it wasn’t the time. I’ll be praying for your sister and truly hope she comes out of this stronger. Don’t be afraid to fight back.
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BNo. AFAIK,I wouldn’t say that there were zero red flags, there were subtle minor red flags. He refused to marry her multiple times, mainly due to his family pressure. His parents are gold diggers and during the first meeting of both families, his mother demanded a lot of dowry. We are also of a lower caste than them, and his mother demanded that we should claim to be of some other higher caste during the marriage to all their relatives, when his mom said all this he just stood still and did not speak a word against her. He used to put on a convincing act both in front of her and in front of his parents. I had warned my sister of this and had even kind of fought with my mother and his family during this first meeting, when they made such demands. But they instead, shouted at my mother that they have raised a reckless daughter (me), who doesn’t know how to behave in front of elders.
Later apparently he had convinced his parents, stating that after marriage my sister would give her entire salary to him, which my sister or our family wasn’t aware of. Once when she was pregnant, and she had visited his home for less than a week, she had paid 7k for the household expenses (which is less than the usual 15k that she was paying when she stayed in his home for the entire month). When she demanded 600 rupees to buy groceries, he started fighting with her in front of his parents, and that’s when his parents knew that she doesn’t give her entire salary to him. After this fight, when his parents once visited our home to discuss regarding this fight, his mother told my sister “Just give birth to the baby, give it to him and leave” (we have recordings of this statement), and now he is listening to his parents and acting as per their orders.
Since my sister was on bedrest since the beginning of her pregnancy, she had taken her maternity leave much before childbirth, and her maternity leave ended last month. She wanted to resume her work from then, since she could work from home, but her husband and his family forced her to extend the maternity leave for one more year, but she couldn’t do it since that would require her to resign her job, instead she extended her ML by 3 more months. She said that either his mom or my mom, could help her in taking care of the child, when she works from home, but he refused saying his mom cannot help her. They initially agreed to having a maid to help her with the household chores, once she goes to his home with the baby, but later he refused it saying he doesn’t have money to pay the maid. My sister even agreed to pay the maid, even though she currently has no income since she is on unpaid leave. Even during her pregnancy, she was on unpaid leave for 2 months, and even then she was paying the EMI for the car.My sister had earlier not informed us that he had hit her, and had first revealed this to his parents when they came to our home, even then his dad justified it saying that he has hit his wife multiple times, and once he hit so hard that his wife’s earrings broke off. They are a highly patriarchal, male chauvinist and a family with extremely backward ideologies, which my sister wasn’t aware of before getting married with him.
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SI am a lawyer. If the guy is so short-tempered that he has hit your sister more than once for no provocation on her side, I don’t think his conduct will change anytime soon or ever unless he takes steps to fix it. So the question before your sister is whether to continue facing his abuses or end the matter and give herself a chance to find a better partner in the future. If she decides to end the marriage, she can communicate her decision to her husband via email, mentioning the reasons and abuses faced by her objectively and briefly and offering to go for a mutually consented proceeding. She has a right to (one-time) alimony and maintenance until she is married again. The child also has a right to maintenance from the father. They can mutually agree on the settlement amount to part ways without legal trouble for any family. If this option does not work, your sister can file a DV case for protection and maintenance, followed by other proceedings as needed. However, legal remedy should be the last option.
Caution: If there was a provocation by your sister (needs objective analysis, and a third person can help analyze it), then it is better to seek counseling and give the marriage a second chance.
Your sister can check the blog articles to know her rights and options at http://www.legalapp.in/blogs
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BThanks for the advice! Regarding the instances where he hit her:
1. When she took a little bit longer to get ready during their honeymoon
2. When she told him that she is feeling dizzy under the sun since she was on her periods, and that she is going to sit somewhere else where there is shade.
3. She was working from home and was in a meeting, he was leaving somewhere else to go outside, and he asked her to lock the main door and gate. But since she was in the meeting, she asked him to lock it from the outside and leave. He hit her for refusing to listen to him.Unfortunately, we do not have proofs of the occasions he hit her. But, we have recordings of his family members where they justified him hitting her.She wants absolutely nothing as alimony or child support.
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SAll these instances suggest unprovoked aggression by your sister’s husband. If your sister is also convinced it was unprovoked conduct, it is better to part ways amicably. The sooner, the better. There is a saying – if you have boarded a wrong train, it is better to get off at the earliest, otherwise it will take longer to return.
Try non-legal options first to separate amicably. If your sister is not demanding alimony or child support and is willing to part ways amicably, the guy should accept it in his sane mind.
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FPlease do not let go of at least cold support. It’s that child’s right. Lots of good advice here and if you context a lawyer they’ll be able to take you through it. However, I would suggest getting mental health counseling before/along with anything else. At the end of the day, your family’s and the lawyer’s efforts depend on her being emotionally ready to leave him and take on the messiness of the divorce. She needs to make clear headed decisions and stay on the path of leaving him.
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UThe marriage was over when he hit her on her honeymoon .. yet she chose to have a child with him .. why do people want to have sec and procreate with such filth .. why would you as a family still try to convince her to go back to him because ppl are asking when clearly she is not safe there
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BYou wouldn’t believe me, when I say I would have said the exact same words to someone going through this, if I had not experienced this situation first-hand. My sister is one of the boldest woman you would ever come across, she has stayed independently in 3 states for her job, managing her life on her own without even knowing the language or having zero contacts or friends there. Even her college professors, used to praise her for being extremely bold. She is extremely strong and independent and since the day she started working till her marriage, she has been taking care of most of our family’s finances. But when you go through betrayal like this, when someone shows a different face than what they showed in the past 10 years, you are bound to break down and freeze.Also, we are not forcing her to go and live with him, in fact we want her to get out of this relationship, but we do not want to influence her decision in any way, and want her to take the decision with full conscience. I mentioned the relatives part, to express the mental trauma that we are going through.
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AThe car loan is in your sister’s name. What about car registration? If Its in your sister’s name as well then take the possession of the vehicle as well. If tomorrow knowingly or unknowingly the car is used for some wrongful activity or is involved in an accident, the cops will come knocking on your door.
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