- This topic has 11 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 2 months ago by
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BAsking behalf of friend relative. My friend 40M around 12 years of marriage life. Both are working. Wife has more salary then him. He has 3 children mother is living with them. no fahter.
It’s a abusive marriage. His wife give torture him mentally and sometimes physically without any reason. She hates her mother in law. She had hit her many times. She is a kind of women who want her husband to be within her eye sight. Everytime he goes outside she used to call him multiple times and ask where is he, why taking so much time etc.
Before marriage my friend was drinker. Even though he was drinking he never caused any disturbance in house. He used to drink silently then go to sleep. After his wife started the abuse the drinking went to extreme level that his liver is damaged now. Our family also told him to quit but he says his wife has change. Now his liver is badly damaged. Told him to record the abuse. He’s scared to do that cause one time he got caught.
I’m thinking of suggesting him for divorce. But he’s not ready to do that may be due to childrens. He loves his childrens very much. I couldn’t able to think of any solution than this. If he keeps drinking he will die.
My question is:
1. Is divorce a good for this case?
I’m thinking may be after divorce he might stop drinking but not sure the side effects that might come with that.2. What will happen to childrens?
Is there any way to give children care to him or both of them. As fas as I know he will definitely take good care of them.3. What can we do if his wife charge false case on him?
There is a high chance the wife might charge false case on my friend and his mother like hitting and abusing. We don’t have any proof of her abusing him. Is there any way to avoid it.4. How the alimony will be decided?
He has close to acre at village in his mother and mousi name and 60×60 in a city.PS: I can provide more details if needed. Apologies for grammar mistakes.
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SRecord her and file case on her put her behind the bar and take the children and also record her when she was hitting her mother
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BShe is very Smart. She abuses them only when those 3 present. If we or outside people come to their house she acts like an ideal housewife. So we can’t record her. There were sometimes she got angry at my friend in front of us but not too much.
And I told my friend to record her abuses. I don’t know why he said that’s not possible. And she is smart enough to put a share location on my friend’s mobile without him knowing to track him.
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DHi. I’m a Delhi based lawyer, with an extensive experience in matrimonial disputes. If your friend is not ready for divorce, you cannot compel him right! About the children custody, again it depends on an understanding between the parties and the willingness of the children. Try gathering evidence against the wife, if you’re suspecting that she might file a false case against the husband. Alimony is based on several factors, including but not limited to income of the parties, reasonable expenses including those of children etc. Please reach out incase you wish to discuss further!
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BThank you for reply.
I know I can’t force him for divorce. My main concern is if this continues he might die by drinking or by suicide. If that happens his wife will take childrens with her and live separately. His mother will be left alone. And as far as I know she is not a good mother. I have seen her hit them for not doing homework. Three Childrens age are 11, 9, 5 years.
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BMy opinion is not only based on the above scenarios. There are many scenarios that prove this. I can’t mention those. As for hitting kids that kid was in 1st or 2nd standard. She used to hit him for not writing neatly and scolding him if you do like this every other kids will get passed and you will fail, all your friends gonna leave you and you will be alone. Who tell these things to 6-7 years kids? How he will understand this.
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RLawyer fighting for Male Rights here.
Let’s analyse the situation..
Violence of any kind/form in a Marriage with any member of the family is the death knell of a relationship. It can be the sole reason for divorce.
Drinking might have increased post marriage but the person is solely responsible for his condition(lacking self control). I don’t know if the kids would be happy to have a drunkard father.
The nature of the wife might be suspicious..But that is practically not a reason for filling a divorce.
Kids would surely be unhappy with the situation they are currently facing. Imagining the environment of the house gives me chills.
Filling a divorce is advisable. Rest it is personal choice to continue or not.
All the best
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BHi, thank you for reply.
I agree. my friend also has little fault here. Childrens have more bonding with their father than their mother. He also care for them very much. He never caused inconvenience to his family while he was drunk.
I’m not trying to defend my friend but without his childrens with him he might go much more depression.
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SI need to hear the wifes side of the story. He wont want divorce cause wife earns more than him and the responsibility of the family isnt on him. And no man who loves his kids will drink to the point of damagi g his liver.
And now that he is sick what good does the divorce do for him. In fact it might benefit the wife , she and kids will have a better live without the alcoholic husband to drag them down. He will be alone, sick, and an old mom to take care of .
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BFirst of all I’m not biased towards my friend. He has struggled very much through his life. He lost his father at young age and took responsibility of whole family his mother and sister. Yes he is an alcoholic but I have never seen him say or do anything bad to anyone. He treats everyone with respect. He’s now addicted to that alcohol he tried many times to quit drinking. But at home his wife everyday verbally abuses him and mainly his mother. And not normal abuse it’s very vulgar. One example is she told his mom is having affair with other people. Which son would be silent if someone tell this to his mother. He endure these things everyday.
As for wife she won’t spend a single penny on house expenses except for the children’s school fees. All house expenses including loan are managed by him. He earns fairly good to manage the house expenses. He takes care children bathing dressing them do some house chores. I’m not saying husband shouldn’t do chores. But she never do this in their home. His mom or him have to do everything. She only does chores and cooking when there are guests. Other time she only watch mobile and do study of children. Cause she is an educated graduate and my friend is ITI pass.
Now tell me whom should I support here. I don’t have any ill feelings towards his wife. All I wish is him to happy with his wife and children. But his wife is main problem here in my opinion. She is the kind of women who is very suspicious of her husband activity. She used to check his phone calls, photos, even track his location.
If you still think I’m biased towards my friend then I can’t say anything.
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