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SI am a 32-year-old male working in the IT sector with a good salary. I got married in 2022 through an arranged setup. It’s been 3 years now, but the marriage effectively ended just two months after the wedding.
Soon after marriage, I discovered that my wife had multiple past relationships which continued to affect her behavior. She had serious trust issues, did not integrate with my family, showed anger issues, and was emotionally and verbally abusive.
After two months, she left with her father and returned to her parental home. Since then, there has been no communication — not a single call or message from her side.
She is also working in IT with a good salary and is living in a metro city. I tried multiple times to resolve the matter mutually, but neither she nor her family was willing to settle or even talk.
Eventually, I filed for divorce. In response, she filed a domestic violence case and other allegations, which I believe were exaggerated or baseless. As you know, court cases move very slowly in our system, and there has been no real progress.
Now, after three years, she is still not ready to settle or move forward. She isn’t even actively pursuing the legal cases. Her lawyer just appears in court without any real action.
I feel like my life is stuck. I can’t move on, emotionally or practically. I’m honestly feeling very low and even mildly depressed because of this prolonged situation. I don’t know what to do next.
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UAt this point unless someone from her side comes to talk, there is nothing you can do. The divorce though- she should come to court. Or after a certain time, the judge will give divorce upon repeated absence.
As for DV and such- she won’t be given anything unless there’s significant disparity. Pursue on merits. The reason she is not coming forward is because she is trying to make you feel this way. At someone point her own age will catch up with her and they will come forward. So be patient and wait.
NAL. Ask one- this is probably close to what they will say.
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SNAL.
Filing for contested divorce was a bad move and in 99% cases, they are countered with DV and 498A case. Anyway your lawyer should have guided you better.
Your best path would be to make effort to convince her to agree for mutual divorce, and hope she aligns with you. The idea is to push this idea with a approach of mutual benefit rather than your own. Given our courts hardly do any work in family matters, unless its a mutual divorce case where they just need to sign. Hail our judges. Also mutual divorce is also driven heavily by wife consent and agreement.
To do this, try taking her distance relatives, or parents in confidence. The idea of their daughter be able to find a better partner, and settle her family can be a good motivation for her parents. At no point lose your cool, and point her mistakes of the past. Hopefully this works. If not, then contested anyway is going on and will go on for years.
All the best. -
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DHi. I’m a Delhi based lawyer, with an extensive experience in matrimonial matters. While I totally understand and empathise with every word out there, I also believe that every matter revolves around strategy and cannot be dragged around in a mechanical manner. It’s important to have a lawyer who is result oriented, because that’s really important in a slow judicial system like ours. Besides that, contested divorces do end up taking 3-4 years, even when fast tracked.
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SHey OP, I have seen so many cases of arranged marriage going bad this way on posts. It’s so saddening. Is this common to a specific region/state or it’s the same all around India?
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UIt’s same all over India. End of the day it comes to morals of the girl and her family. If she wants a life with someone else, they cut it off quickly, minimize losses, and move on. If they are sadistic- the guy will be free and he will find someone, but the girl is left to be alone.
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SMaybe guys in india shouldn’t be so eager to get married with barely 2-3 conversations. I see posts after posts here where men come and complain. And their complaints are genuine, because our law sucks. But despite knowing that, I don’t get why educated, well earning men still get into AM with barely 3 months courtship. What is stopping them from taking time? Isn’t prevention better than cure?
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UI think it’s not about 3 months or 3 years. Prevention is better than cure- yes. But not in this case. I’ve seen plenty of cases where the woman and her family are sweet with the guy and his family before marriage for years (love marriage) and 2 months into the marriage the girl leaves unilaterally and files cases. That’s the trend. The women who are psychotic know that law is with them. And a switch flips in their head after marriage. Literally a majority of cases post 2020- the marriage is less than 2 months but the court battle is ongoing for 5 years. We are not even talking about cases with child involved. Or someone who was married for 10 years And completely dependent on husband.
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SYou are talking about curative measures, which I agree should be done.
But beyond those tactical changes, there is no denying that separation/divorce is mentally agonising for anyone. It disrupts your mental health.
Of course no one can claim 100% assurance of any human being. But all we do in our daily lives is stay vigilant, aware and make informed choices.
India has the largest count of AM in the world. I just wish this generation at least develops that bare common sense, to assess the compatibility and personality traits before committing to get married.
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UNo. I’m not talking about curative measures. I’m talking about preventive measures. When the air you breathe is contagious and you can not get out of the atmosphere (I.e. the country), purifying that air will prevent others from doing the same stupid things- which essentially is a preventive measure.
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GBecause women nowadays want everything, it’s hard for them to call themselves as proud mothers taking care of their family, they want to tell the whole world that they have. “Job” for prestige reasons while males have the responsibilities of keeping a job taking care of parents and taking care of wife and kids.
Not sure why there is no dignity in running the family, feeding the family healthy food and developing a bond with the kids while loving a husband.
I know men cheat too but women don’t want any responsibilites now. Only money and their need to practice whims-
UI’d say a majority of Indian women are still traditional and do suffer. They may lie but they are not necessarily vile. But the other 20% unfortunately is what we see take advantage of the law. It’s a sad reality. And the country who did operation sindhoor fails to see how these legal terrorists are about to send the country into a civil war.
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SThis. How are these guys just saying oh the judge will give the divorce, even contested will take upto 3 years. My uncle’s in a divorce ( wife won’t give it, no kids) it’s been 20 years in Mumbai!
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UIf the person does not show up for the hearings, the divorce is granted ex-parte. I think that takes like 2-3 years. How is this going on for 20 years? Like does she show up and say no? I mean most competent lawyers and even the judge will grant divorce if the couple stay away for more than 3 years. Does she have connections?
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BNo lawyer will guide you. In 99% cases, they will drag this unnecessarily.
Counsellor also of no help. Rarely you will find a genuine person who values both parties and makes necessary decisions.
I am not getting judgemental here or partial. Even though she is not appearing in court, court will make certain judgements but that also can be challenged. I have seen a case where the lady was at fault still no result. Nobody wants to move on and what kind of grudge they carry at this age it’s beyond imagination.
Try to find a lady close to her who can convince her the future. If she wants to patch up or move ahead, that should happen sooner.
Because it will affect both of you -
KNAL. Hire a good lawyer, preferable one that comes through a connection(trust me it is worth it) and push for mediation. These cases invariably get settled only out of court. Have evidence ready that she left just 2 months after and hasn’t returned since. Keep the evidence of your communication handy that you tried reconciliation which was rejected by them
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AMove a Petition under article 227 of the constitution seeking an order directing the concerned family court to expedite the divorce case trial and decide the same within a fixed period (time period depends upon the discretion of the High Court but a good lawyer can get the Court to order a period of six months). Get the certified copy of the order of High Court filed in the Family Court. Get a good lawyer and press your case.
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