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UMy boyfriend and I live next door and there is this another woman who stays on the same floor as ours. It’s a rented place. Sometimes, she visits over the weekend.
She is closer to me and I know her life is shit. She lives alone, her mother is after her life for getting married, and she works 14-16 hours a day.
I have made her understand multiple times that this is such a toxic work situation. She goes to office around 4pm and comes back 4am. Sleeps till 2pm, doesn’t eat, and then rushes to office.
A few days back she said she wants to end her life. Proceeding weekend, she tried slitting her wrist. But could not find the courage to do that.
I tried to talk her out of it but I am scared she lives alone and can do anything. Out of all, she is not ready to quit her work. Even if she is dying, she will still be talking about going to office and work. Her workplace is shit and i saw the contract.
2 days back my boyfriend found her on the nearest pharmacy. She was sitting on the steps holding her head. Boyfriend sensed there’s something wrong, and took her to the nearest clinic. She fainted midway and had 2 glucose drips.
She had not eaten anything in 3 days and decided to have drinks a day previous to this event.
3 days later, she still did not eat anything again. I came back to my home and followed up on call. She said she ate but couldnt digest anything and still went to office. My boyfriend isnt there either.
I am so fucking tired of this and I can’t handle this stress anymore. I don’t have her family’s number and if I call them, I think according to her situation, they’ll come, take her home, and get her married off.
Please suggest whats the best option.
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Ui think you should call government helpline for mental health or connect with some NGO’s that are experts in mental health and associated issues.
suicide is not a solution for anything. she should get some time iff . socialize with people . connect with friends. go for a trip . everything will be alright
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UYeah. She is probably struggling with money. She is def not poor and has enough savings but her toxic home could be the primary reason.
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SAt one point in life, I was borderline suicidal. If you are devoted to work like that it sucks the life out of you.
She should make the decision on her own to quit the job and take a break and figure what she really needs in life. Travelling helps a bit. Shift in perspective helps. Meditation helps. We have one life and we need to be living in the present.
When you talk to her, try and understand what she is trying to run away from, that maybe be the clue to helping her out.-
UHave tried everything and can say, she’s a gone case. It amazes me how people can know so much and still act stupid.
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CIt’s probably a coping mechanism type thing, not “stupidity”. Emotions don’t follow logic or knowledge, she must be doing all that work because it eases her mind in some way, it doesn’t sound like she’s had a good life. Parents are usually the 1st suspects for such mental issues, and the fact that the mother instead of emotionally supporting her exhausted and depressed daughter, is pressurising her to marry, solidifies that belief.
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UIt cannot be work, find out what is the issue and then ask her in deep about it. That should def help!
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UHi. Pseudo psychologist and pseudo therapist here.
Her stubbornness to work despite a shit environment and contract might suggest a deep rooted need to provide. Also the lack of awareness that there are better jobs and environments to insert yourself into.
Here’s how I think you can help her. Note, it is help and will require effort. But I promise you this will probably be the last time you need to put effort into helping her, and once she’s back onto a healthier lifestyle you won’t need to help. She’ll be fine on holding her own.
1) create a situation where she can lower her guard. Befriend her, get drinks, and genuinely find out her past from her. You need to find out the reason she works so stupidly hard. Not eating before work and wanting to die are symptoms of pressure and need for money, but obviously it’s setting herself up for failure. She doesn’t want to, but she is compelled to. Find out why.
2) now, whatever the reason may be, we don’t judge. She’s doing the best she can in coming up with a way to fulfill her needs, though through our lens we may see a string of decisions that are not well thought out. She’s suicidal because she thinks she’s gone too far down a path and she can’t find a way out. You must remind her of the starting point of the path she’s on – which is the point in her past she made the decision to work. This is why you must find out why she works so hard. Because the. You’ll know the point in time she started going down this path.
3) people sometimes just don’t know that there’s a better way of doing the things they’ve always been doing. And sometimes they are not open to suggestions because that means they have to learn new things all over again. Even if they don’t really have to, they may just perceive it that way. Which is why the moment you find out the past, you must plant a suggestion. A simple sounding suggestion. This suggestion must be a solution, which you have to come up with on the spot. Note, what the solution is is not important. You can make a quick suggestion and build on it at a later time. But it is important that you sound confident of your suggestion. So confident that she should feel stupid for not knowing of it before. A job change, a type of job, a hobby, healthy habits etc. Anything! She needs assurance that what she’s been stressed about is not actually that big of a deal. Even if it is.
4) be a friend. Chances are, if she had good friends, she wouldn’t have been reduced to this state. She needs a friend who looks out for her and best interests. Be that friend. Help her transition from a shitty lifestyle to a healthy one. The process might change you too, but hey! Everyday changes you.
To summarise, be a friend, find out why she’s working so hard, find out why she’s spiralling into depression and suicidal tendencies. Suggest a solution that’s easy to achieve. A career change is always easy ( you can find courses that certify you for certain jobs ) and an increase in salary can make things a whole lot easier to bear. Then just support her as a friend on this new journey. Congrats! You just saved a life, and enriched both, hers and yours, in the process.
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UNo offense but stay out of it.
In India even good Samaritans can have their lives ruined. If anything happens to her, the family will drag you into this mess.-
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UCut off all ties. You don’t want to be hosting her and later the family charges you with abatement of suicide.
Her bf and family will handle this.-
UMy boyfriend and I live next door, sorry if it wasnt clear. Her family already knows we live next door and if anything happens, that’s how we’ll be asked first.
Our other neighbors and landlords are well aware of the fact that we are close to her and are friends.
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USee
As you already know
This is serious stuff now
So
First of all
Ask her to klne ho to you
And just cry her heart out
Be there for her
Hug her if possibleShe needs to be taken care of a bit
Her obsession with going to the office might be because
When she’s alone at home she thinks about s*icide and going to the office is her coping method
A maladaptive one but that’s how she copesAnd she’s probably not eating now
Because she’s feeling bad about herself and hates herself because of her one failed attempt
You should try to convince her to see a therapist soonShe’s in need of serious and professional help
Please do something about it if possibleTry to talk
And just listen to her
Maybe she’ll be a bit better
But she needs professional help for sure -
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