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HHello. So basically I will be turning 18 next year. I want to pursue my UG abroad. By the time I will be done with my 12th,I will be going to be turning 19. I have been wanting to take admission in a school of IBDP so that I could pursue my Biomedical Sciences abroad,since
1)The research facility isn’t that great in India as compared to regions like UK,South Korea,Germany,etc and I really want to get into that.
2)My parents are very toxic and abusive (especially my mother but I stood up to her and since then we just have arguments but nothing physical. My father is a complete narc,used to hit my mum back when I was around 10-11,committed infelidity.
and is now emotionally and verbally abusive to me. I have told him about what I wish to do and he said I can’t go for UG for safety reasons as a girl.
Which,understandable,but. Crimes happens against women everywhere. I can’t let his fear stop me from going there given the opportunity. IB would have immensely helped me with this.
He’s been nagging me about which school I want to pursue for 11,rejected IB completely. Earlier (when I first told him like two weeks back) he was fine with me going with UCAT(UK’s medical entrance exam) and just the next morning,not anymore.
I can’t live in this dynamic at all and better opportunities are outside for the field I wish to go for.
I will narrow it down to him soon with articles regarding how women aren’t safe anywhere,that B.sc will suit me better outside much more,but I will also include that places like Delhi University,St.Xavier’s,does offer the courses of B.sc,without the requirements of NEET(I do not wish to enter the rat race so I don’t plan on giving it.)
If this all still fails,I am going to give him the ultimatum which I have been holding back on in order to try my best for this entire thing to be smooth as I really do not wish to have anymore emotionally draining arguments…I cannot deal with the disgusting insults anymore. But I am also not one to back down and give up my dream.
I will be looking into applying for various scholarships and work hard in my studies whatsoever the board is so that I am eligible for funding for my universities,I also have a closed account which will open once I turn 18(he has been funding ₹10,000 every month since a few years) which will give me some money too.
I don’t think this will be enough for university abroad so since I am interested in Stock Markering and Investing as well,I will try that(he’s into that himself so he might let me just as a way of “exploring hobbies”. I know I am a teen right now,so I’d use my mums account since we have an HDFC together as well.)
Anyways back to point,I just added all those since I wanted to make sure I do have some plans and I am not typing all this just for the sake of teenage hormones or something. I am extremely serious about this.
So,my ultimatum at the end of the day did be that,I wouldn’t require his/her(both mother and his) signatures when I sign up for the scholarships and the universities abroad I want to since I’d be an adult by then,that too 19 at that, and they did definitely consider it. I don’t have any other legal guardian apart from my begetters.
That was a lot. I know I could surf google but honestly I’d like advice over here since there did be experiences people. I also have many evidences of what’s up in my sweet family. But hardly in India,this stuff is taken seriously. So if you have made this far,let me know!
Thank you for reading.
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SYeah…if you fall short of money, you will need your parents and signatures as well. I suggest complete your bachelors in India, make some money and then move on with your life.
Sorry for your troubles, a lot of us face this. Give it sometime and try to not enforce things but gain their trust for your benefits, once you accomplish this, you can be independent in future and then not consult them.
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HDo I require their signatures even if I don’t fall short for money? Or is there a way I can separate myself from them? Last I searched parental estrangement wasn’t legalised in India….
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Syeah. I do not believe you are thinking this through. You also seem to be using them or not wanting to use them for your own needs. You will MOST DEFINITELY need them during your Bachelors.
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HI don’t understand why your tone is so condescending? I am looking out for my future here.
I posted it here so see if I got any loopholes in my plans,I’d have google just a second away to surf through and find out and I’d get some good points to ponder on but I am not going to appreciate nor tolerate such a dismissing thought process.
I am trying to be open minded here to try to see through my situation to have the best future possible for me but it isn’t easy surely looking at such a tone. I’d love it if my parents were capable enough to be a part of my future but they prove not to be,so I am going to continue looking through ways I can improvise the loopholes.
The whole post is regarding me asking and elaborating on abt how I want them to be away as much as possible and your point is regarding how I am “using” them to get/not get according to my needs? 😂
Nvm then lol!
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SYou are immature and young. I suggest keep a low profile and complete Bachelors conveniently either in India or Abroad. Stop wasting your life in thinking estrangement from parents.
Have a more meaningful life goal. Good luck !
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HAlright so first of all. You are no one to dictate how I live my life and whom I estrange myself from. You don’t know my story,you don’t know how they are so do not dictate as if you parents are gods gift on earth. I am not into your traditional “parents are god” kind of mindset. Since you have it and I understood a lot from your post history I am not even surprised that you stopped using logic in your reply LMAO. I am immature because I am thinking to cut myself off from abusive,toxic ppl? Cuz oh my gosh,they aren’t the perfect little family whose bs I am supposed to endure??? So sad!!
Try reflecting on your mindset instead of spilling bs wherever you go. Coming here with an open mind to see the legal side,not parental preaching but I did assume that I’d definitely encounter someone that did say that bs to me,and it happened to be you XD it’s actually funny that you ppl say this kinda stuff in legal subs as well,considering this place is supposed to have all kinds of abuse (I haven’t even listed of many things that have happened)I am not going to go by your suggestion ofc cuz it does not fit my lifestyle.
I will be a living a very meaningful life -without them soon enough as soon as my begetters are outta the picture, for my mental peace(that your generation barely believes in/cares abt) so thank you very much. This isn’t wastage,it’s **clearance** of what actually needs to be present instead of age old generational trauma carrying toxicity 🙂
Grow up 🖤
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HA simple yet powerful advice is to- not give unsolicited advices when you do not know the persons situation and not preach abt gods gift on earth,the trauma you are affected by too by your lovely attitude XD,Trauma carrying “parents”! where ppl come for legal advices(especially). Please say this again to someone that posts here on abt getting abused by their egg/sperm donors alright? They’d love this.
Must feel smth to be in your mid life and arguing with someone unknown on the internet right,according to you who’s “immature and young” right? Big achievement right there.
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SHave a meaningful life goal than arguing about hating your own parents on internet.
I am not mad at you since you are young and immature. Just repeating this advice.
If you keep on hearing this from others over the years, the problem is not your toxic parents but you !
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HI don’t hear abt this from anyone but taboo ppl preaching abt gods gift on earth. “The problem isn’t the abuser,the victim”
That shows your mentality lmaoooo. Enjoy your life if you are that sick in the head to show that.
You conveniently change your stance to stay in the “right”. Tf has internet to do with anything? The truth is the truth,has nothing to do with hate/love. But if I hate my abusers,I got many valid reasons that I do not need a man to mansplain me and this post is all abt it. Go say these rattafied points of yoirs(as if it’s a cult) to someone that has only posted abt action against such asshole parents. They’d really appreciate that.
Young and immature? Yeah we are called that cuz y’all can’t see us not wanting agr old toxicity that y’all had to bare. I wouldn’t give two shits abt some middle aged traditionalist being mad at me for living my life the way I want and exposing the truth. Keep crying.
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KI’ve got to hand it to you, the girl here really is immature and young.
Just in case OP reads this –
You’re not wrong in identifying the toxic traits of your family. When we say you’re acting immature is because we’ve gone through your age. You might think that we’ve forgiven our parents or that we’ve learnt to ignore the bullshit they put us through, but no. With time we’ve come to look at and understand the full picture.
You’re too young to see that right now. With emancipation you’ll never see it and deprive yourself of a healthy relationship with your parents and scar yourself permanently. And nobody’s tone here is bad. If you perceive your parent’s words with even half the scrutiny as you’re perceiving ours, it’s no wonder you have so much pent up frustration inside you.
Find a way to involve a learned relative to advise your parents for your career aspirations. They’ll come around.
Even if they don’t, the way you approach the situation in the long run (make an actual effort to convince your parents all the while being receptive to the possibility that they could know better than you) – you just might crack it and get your way.And last of all – relax. You seem too angry. Communicate with your parents. They’re not perfect. They’re not gods, they’re not gifts (we agree here lol), they’re just human beings, messed up at times, wrong at times, but never devoid of care and genuine desire to see ONLY good happen in your life.
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ANAL
hey i understand where youre coming from, dont do anything rash that could end up affecting your future till its secure..(since youve not finished12th either),Thats all i can say
oh and wouldnt you be better off building a profile instead of learning the stock market right now? It wont help you much financially -
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BYou don’t understand scholarships are not enough, you will still need education loans to fill the gap in the remaining fees, then there is housing, groceries, and other expenses especially if you end up living off campus. You are too young to venture into the stock market I don’t think you know what you are talking about. And yes you do need their signature. You don’t have an income of your own. If you are going to go for an education loan A you don’t have a credit score and neither do you have something to give the bank as warranty. Foreign education loans are more difficult than local education loans. We are talking about more than 10 lakhs per semester here even with scholarships. You still need your parents to help whether you like it or not.
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HThe entire post I made was regarding how I could get more info in my situation from the experienced ppl around here,the reason why I didn’t surf google instead. So I don’t think this is about “not” understanding,I am **trying** to understand. So tho your comment helps highlight some key points that I have now added onto the list of problems to conquer,your comment is very dismissive. I have read abt this and I can definitely get into Stock and Investments even at my own age cuz I am not going to get into it like some businessperson lmao,it’d be on a very basic level till the time I have a good income to carry on if I’d like.
I am not sure if I am gonna require student loans or nah cuz if students are exceptionally good,they do get full scholarships for eg,Leaster B.Pearson International Scholarship(University of Toronto),University of Sydney does give scholarships to Indian students based on merits,etc. hard to get into,but possible. As for residency,etc,I can look through on what I can do abt it for the two years I have rn.(UBC international Scholard program of Canada covers this as well.). I am definitely doing my research to enlighten myself more and more.
-I love your last point,that I’d need them to help me whether I like it or not. Oh trust me,I’d love it if they were to agree but since they won’t,I will have to find myself the loophole that I require since I won’t let this kinda hindrance stop me from achieving my goal.
Regardless of your tone,I’d find some points to look into like residency,etc. so 🙂 <3
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BAssuming you have enough funds to show and prove that you can pay the fees for the program , you are right as a 19yo you dont need parental approval of anything. No signs nothing. However, if we talk about not having enough funds, by enough funds i mean what university write on their page not something we can manage with, its a different story altogether. Scholarships dont cover complete costs, even a 100% scholarship refers only to the tuition fee and not other associated fees. Also you would need money to live basically food and shelter. Education loans do exist, which on paper you are eligible to apply for as an adult. Knowing about how these companies give out loan, most companies need a security against it , usually a property or something, if you have that great. If not, you would most likely need your parents signatures for the loan not for the education tho.
Also, if we talk about unsecured loans, they will probably not give it to a young adult like you who has only completed 12th, and even if they do it will be for a low amount (making you again struggle to prove to immigration people that you can pay hence getting rejected) and have very high interest rates (you will be setting yourself up with huge debt)
Make an informed decision is all. Dont take any step without covering all your bases financially this early in life
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