- This topic has 45 replies, 28 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 2 months ago by
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UHi, I’m 33F and got married in 2018. The last seven years have been terrible, involving domestic violence and daily torture from my husband and his family. The only good thing that came out of this marriage is my twin boys.
I stayed in this toxic relationship for my kids, but it’s become unbearable. My husband has been asking for a divorce for some time because he thought I wouldn’t leave my kids, but now I’ve decided to move forward with it.
Here’s the issue: he’s refusing to pay back the money my parents and I spent on the wedding, dowry (common in my culture), festivals, and other things over the years. I’m not asking for alimony or any financial support—I just want to close this chapter of my life.
I’ve already hired a lawyer, and we’re going to the women’s cell next week. Any suggestions on how I can handle this situation better?
The hardest part is that I may have to leave my kids with him because I’m not financially independent right now. I spent the last seven years raising them and now have to restart my career from scratch.
Any advice or guidance would mean a lot.
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UYou have all the weapons
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Just take a backseat and let your lawyer do all the magic
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If you had any call recording audio recordings just hand over
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See money and right to living and paying children are your rights, you don’t even need proof for that-
UI don’t want to spend few more years in court fighting with him. I am just asking him to compensate for what we spent.
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UYou will get temporary maintaince and child support immediately
#.you can ask him to settle otherwise you will go this route-
UHow can i get temporary maintenance immediately? He doesn’t want to pay me anything. Seems like he just wanna waste my time in the court hearings.
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UIt won’t be your time which will get wasted in court hearings. If you have proof of Domestic Violence, then there’s NO WAY he’ll get custody of kids and there’s NO WAY he can avoid paying interim maintenance immediately.
Hire a good lawyer. Get the dowry back, you’ll even get part of the house you were living in, which you can sell later. You’ll get maintenance for yourself, kids.
But he might have to go to prison if Domestic Violence is proved. Beware!
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UUsually courts grant custody to the mother and then order the father to pay child maintenance. Especially if the children are young (like you said you spent 7 years on their care so i assume they are around 10 at most)
Depending what kind of person you are morally, your lawyer may convince you to file false cases. Please don’t do that. Laws and courts are already wife favoring in matrimonial cases, you don’t need to make someone’s life worse than is necessary.
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UThey are turning 5 this February. I don’t want any child maintenance from him. I just don’t want to see this shit person anymore. I have already made my mind to leave the children with him.
I just want my money back which was spent by my parents within last 7 years. I just need divorce.
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UThen your best bet would be to negotiate a settlement with him wherein you two will file for mutual divorce if he pays back the money and he can have the custody of the children and you get visiting rights (or joint custody whatever is your preference) and you forego any alimony or maintenance requirements. If he does not agree you go for contested route and they’ll not only lose years in the proceedings, they will lose the money, the children and may even face repercussions of taking dowry.
I’m not a lawyer so do consult your lawyer about this.
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SThe money you are asking back is yours. It is your right to have it back.
In addition to this, custody of children is automatically considered yours. Because he is the father, he will have to pay child support to you, to cover school fees and living expenses of children. Don’t confuse child support with alimony.
Now you might feel that you don’t want any money from him, but think from a future point of view. I’m not asking you to torture him or his family, just claim what is rightfully yours, that is, money you’ve spent on him, your children, financial help towards children. -
S“I have already made my mind to leave the children with him”.. wow just wow
Any specific reason why you do not want kids to be with you?
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UI think you’re not understanding the seriousness of situation. I don’t want to judge you but why would a mother more desperately need her wedding expanse over her children’s custody? Once custody granted could be very very difficult to claim in future. Like everyone is advising you, please don’t think that since he has money so he can better raise kids- he can also be abusive towards kids like he did to you(just an assumption). Please talk to a lawyer- get the kids and leave peacefully with maintenance to raise kids. Or as you said you’ve already made your mind but please think again and again about not having rights over kids anymore.
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PBecause mothers are also humans.
Custody of children doesn’t translates into safety, security and ability to earn for yourself + children. Its easy to earn for oneself and take care of things. Its extremely difficult to earn for oneself and children, AFTER the fact that she has been put of job since 7 years.
Another aspect is, as a woman its already tough living in the society after divorce, and it becomes manifold difficult when you have children to take care of.
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UInspite of the fact that I agree with you I still find it bad decision if she believes that she’ll be able to claim custody later on. Please don’t forget that human being is able to achieve anything except for relations and support of other humans.. and they’re her children
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SAsking for spent money on marriage is absurd. Just simply ask for valuable and leave peacefully with mutual concent.
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HOP, you’ve made a brave decision. Focus on working closely with your lawyer, documenting all evidence of abuse and financial transactions. Prioritize custody/visitation rights and explore ways to rebuild financial independence, like upskilling or remote work. Stay strong—you deserve a fresh start.
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BNAL.
Talk with a lawyer and try negotiating with Your husband for mutual divorce. Also, you might get custody of the children. Don’t decide based on Your present condition. Go for it, if you don’t get it, it is what it is. Also it’s stupid to ask for the money spent on marriage, festivals etc. He can easily say he spent more on maintaining the household, you and the children. Make sure you have all Your jewellery, and any accounts of how much money was given as dowry. Mutual is the fastest. But you can also file the domestic violence and dowry cases first, if it’s genuine in Your case and then use it to leverage him into a mutual divorce.
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P1. If he is not agreeing to the divorce or your demands of returning marriage expenses, you can file a contested divorce case. For the procedure read this page [https://divorcebylaw.com/best-contested-divorce-lawyers-in-bangalore/](https://divorcebylaw.com/best-contested-divorce-lawyers-in-bangalore/)
2. If your kids are very young, don’t leave them with your husband. they need you more than anything for their upbringing. You can claim the child support from your husband irrespective of your employment status.
3. If your husband is unwilling to heed to your demands, you can claim the compensation by filing the Domestic Violence case. You can demand for maintenance as well through this or a separate case claiming maintenance can be filed.
For further clarification feel free to contact us [https://g.co/kgs/oR6EQNq](https://g.co/kgs/oR6EQNq)
**Disclaimer:** In the absence of all the facts of the case, the comments given may not be the best solution for your case. One on one consultation with a legal counsel/ advocate is advised to get better guidance.
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UI can understand what you are going through. I have also beared a toxic and physically abusive marriage for 10 years, I left my now ex husband when my child was 7 years old. Best thing would be a mutual divorce with just your streedhan as possessions. If you run after alimony then half your life will be attending court appointed dates and fighting tooth and nail.
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UIf you put in petition for maintenance and alimony then you can be granted the amount for your wellbeing as well as the kids wellbeing will be taken care of. I did not seek any maintenance or alimony as I was earning sufficient to provide for myself and my child by my own means. Hence I opted for sole custody of my child and did not want to be looped in the circle of monthly maintenance or alimony.
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UI’m 30 …. I’m scared of getting married… My worry is what if In our marriage there is a child…. And court doesn’t grant child maintaince? Cbse school fees here is 2-5lakh that for cbse …. I atleast want him to pay school fees….
I read your previous ans you are lawyer ….
As a lawyer is there any tactics/ legal strategy… That father can use to not pay child maintaince ( not alimony) ?-
UThe courts do order maintenance as per your living standard. The father needs to provide according to his income. The court usually orders upto 30 percent of the income of the husband also takes into the account of the income the woman is earning and the reason for the divorce. If you are not mentally and emotionally prepared for the marriage then dont enter into one as its a lifelong commitment.
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UIt should take about a year for maintenance order but interim maintenance order can be granted in as much as 1 month if your lawyer is experienced and sincere.
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UIf you really want to make it quick, DO NOT listen to lawyers – they want ONLY their money. They might lure you into making various cases saying they will get you more money or they will help you make him pay for his misdeeds, but trust me – Leave the person quickly and have mental peace – that’s much more valuable than spending 3~5 years fighting cases
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