- This topic has 65 replies, 36 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 3 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
UMy childhood friend 28M is devastated just after 1 month of marriage.He shifted to his work location with his wife after 4 days of marriage.
His wife clearly told him that she just married on the will of her family. Currently, they both live like strangers in separate rooms. She keeps herself locked 24 hours in her room with continuous calls and chats throughout the day.In a semi furnished flat with 1 bed, she desperately went to market on day 1 to set a different room for herself which he had to pay.
Upon confronting that what exactly is the problem? How can we fix this?
She told that I am going to be like this and don’t want to stay with you at all. I am not going to tell my parents. If I had to tell, I could’ve have told before this marriage. She wants him to tell everyone that he doesn’t want to live with her. He doesn’t have any proof of infidelity as he cannot access of her phone but he clearly hear her taking throughout the night on her phone.She wants to move out with utmost ease by making him depressed and frustrated. So that she can live happily in her extra marital setup comfortably.
He is trapped in this viscous cycle where he is being tortured for the whole day. He just wants to move out but he knows everything will fall on him as she is not going to accept this in front of anyone.
Please advise what should be done here?
(The marriage is not consummated, if this info helps by any chance)
-
-
UHere’s some fact which makes more quirky. I should add this above as well.
There was a gap of 6 months in their engagement and marriage. Though they both lived in same city, they never met and had just 2-3 calls.
I asked why you guys don’t stay in touch to which he said he tries to initiate things multiple time but she always have some reservations. She replies after 6-8 hours.
My friend is a very good guy and always believes in giving everyone their personal space.
But this sounded fishy to me, I insisted him to confront her that why is she behaving in this way.
He agreed and got response from her that everything is alright and it just after 6 months she has to live with him 24×4. So, she wants some me- time . -
-
-
QAs always, abstaining from arranged marriage is the most rational thing a man can do gives the current legal situation.
-
Mmen should abstain from arranged marriage anyway. It benefits you guys as well as women that are being married off forcefully, win-win!
-
QThere are men too who are marrying arranged unwillingly if not forcefully under family and society pressure, I agree the number of such cases with regards to women is more but it exists. Anyway, not opting for arranged marriage is always better option unless your luck runs out in dating.
-
M< but given the legal scenario, arranged marriage is terrible
I agree, women are killed everyday for dowry and marital rape is still legal. Horrifying state of affairs. Marriage overall does not benefit women in this country.
-
QI see what you did here. Regardless, women always have the upper hand in divorce, so for a man getting a divorce is far tougher because a woman can always file fake cases, even when the male is right, in many cases he will still end up paying extreme alimony. But won’t disagree with the marital rape thing.
Atleast, I am acknowledging women’s issues, you don’t seem to bat an eye about men’s one. Anyway, whatever works for you.
-
M> you don’t seem to bat an eye about men’s one.
people on the internet always jump to “laws are women centric” when literally some time ago a man walked away scott free after anally assaulting his wife to the point of causing her fatal injuries. “women have the upper hand in divorce” when a minuscule number of women even survive long enough to file divorces.
ultimately, women are the ones that are deeply oppressed and disadvantaged, and have been for centuries. If laws favour women, it is because men have been abusing them for too long, and there is a long way to go for women even still. In which case, men refraining from AM benefits everyone. It is unfortunate that the man here did not do his due diligence despite knowing what the consequences of being careless might be. But changing the laws to remove protections for women is not the answer
-
QWho’s asking for remove protection for women?
All I’m asking is to give protection to men too. What’s the issue with that?
< Miniscule number of women survive to file for divorce?
— Any source for your claims, you’re still believing as it’s the 90s.< Ultimately women are the ones who are deeply oppressed and disadvantaged
— Men can’t be oppressed? How do you think the Supreme Court and the High Courts have started to give judgements about oppression against men and misue of women centric laws. I guess they know something, don’t they? The Supreme Court has literally dubbed the misue of 498A as “Legal Terrorism”, if women were so oppressed in today’s era why they started to misue the law that was meant to protect them?Not disagreeing that women have issues but so do men. Learn to be realistic about life.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
PPrivate detectives can help if there is anything going on with her. Alternately, her parents need to come and stay with them and see how long this goes on
-
UI am not sure of the charges by Private detectives He has a decent job but not sure if he can borne the fees.
IMO, her WhatsApp must have all the evidence but getting anything from there seems almost impossible.
Do you have any idea on this? -
-
-
-
UGet the parents involved, especially hers. An arranged marriage is a marriage of families as well, and they can be pulled in when things become difficult.
-
-
MIf the marriage is not consummated, he can file for annulment. There’s no point trying to make her change her behaviour – what’s the goal? Force her to talk to him? Force her to sleep with him?
She doesn’t want it, so leave it. Annulment means there was no marriage, so you don’t have to overthink about alimony or maintenance or divorce. But he has to go against his family if need be to get the annulment. What’s this behaviour of sitting and being miserable? Wife doesn’t want to be married? Ok don’t be married. Take the annulment and let her go do whatever she wants.
And he should move quickly, people will question further if he delays it and then asks for annulment. One month is perfect time – do it now.
-
UThis sounds very reasonable to me. Thanks!
Just one question, what if she denies the consummation part? Is there any way to prove this?
-
MIt would be based on the testimony in court – oral and documentary evidence. Or the testimony of others like family members. Any evidence like WhatsApp chats, recorded conversations etc will help, and a good lawyer will be able to show that she’s lying.
Unfortunately it would depend on situation to situation, so you’d have to contact a lawyer and explain everything to find the minute areas where lack of intimate knowledge of each other can be shown. And definitely any and all written evidence like chats or emails.
-
-
-
SJust want to add, you are supposed to do it within one year of marriage and you will have to pay alimony and maintenance.
-
UDo you mean ‘and’ or ‘or’?
I mean even if the proceedings start within a month or so, is he still supposed to pay alimony and maintenance?-
SI mean and, yes, he will have to pay. That’s the recently SC said the same. Even for one night if she has stayed that’s enough to claim both things. The biggest issue would be divorce itself, if they both mutually agree then it’s possible or else even that may take a lot of time. He will say something in court and she will something else, things are difficult to prove.
Ask him to talk to her family clearly before going to a lawyer, it won’t help him, we have women friendly laws, if he’s ready to pay and rich, he may proceed or if he thinks she will agree and won’t claim money then he may proceed, or else take decision wisely.-
UNo, he is not a rich fellow and secondly, on she getting agree part, even if she does, there is no way to ensure if she genuinely means it like this same girl ruined 2 lives even after being explicitly asked multiple times if she is under any pressure or have some commitments outside, not fair to expect any reliability from her and she withstanding on her any statements.
-
SI will still suggest to try everything possible to avoid divorce or annulment of marriage, you may try to talk to her and make her understand what is the right thing to do so she may continue with marriage.
If nothing works out, talk to her family and keep your fingers 🤞 that they don’t claim mich money since its her fault and they make her agree for separation, if they start filling fake cases there is mo end in litigation even in void marriage.-
-
-
-
-
-
UJust read this conversation thread. The advice couldn’t be any worse. This magic isn’t going to work out, the woman can’t be coerced into changing her mind. THe longer this drags out the worse it will end for him.
Your friend needs to consult a lawyer before talking to her family because family will want to protect their daughter and might start stacking up false cases. He needs to stay quiet, get the legal process started, and talk to her via text/whatsapp during this stuff so he has evidence.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
SShe is a bad character which your friend needs to get rid off at the earliest.
Save all evidence to prove truth because she is a selfish liar. Save all dates from the start when your parents found this match till last day – all conversations, meet up, bills you paid, gifts exchanged, dowry and wedding receipts, prepare to return the legitimate – all without her knowledge. Her locking herself 24×7 is good for your friend to be quick about collecting evidence.
Save all the whatsapp chats, texts, calls. Record all your phone calls and if he can try to get her to discuss on things like why are you staying away in separate room since day 1, why didn’t you tell etc. Get cctv or those sting cameras with audio and put it in your house and record. Best is to get her confession and answers once on call or text or camera. If you’re impatient and get all answers and get her to repeat it on phone, she’ll get suspicious. Try to show you’re worried and not able to understand the things she’s doing- and list out all those things for record separate bed, room from day 1, spoke twice in 6 months etc.
If you get this, it will be easy to show she’s lied to family and court. After you get evidence, leave the house or send her back to her parents house, preferably to leave the house and buy other rented place, address unknown to her. Else she may pin blame of forcing her out of her marital home.
Besides that, if whatsapp text and meets and calls which you have may – if enough to show there I no relationship between you two + bills for separate room furniture bed etc and recording of her 24×7 locked up.
Just prepare for all blame and lies and falsehood of dowry and domestic abuse – and prepare with evidence.
Consult lawyers about how to plan ahead and make a move asap. Ideally should collect all evidence and leave within a week of marriage at max
-
-
AYour friend needs to act smartly and gather solid evidence before making any move. He should continue behaving normally so she doesn’t get suspicious while discreetly recording conversations where she acknowledges the marriage situation and her unwillingness to stay. He can use a spy cam or a hidden recording app to document her statements. Additionally, he should call her from work and ask direct but non confrontational questions, as even evasive responses can be useful later. Once he has enough proof, he should approach her parents, first through calls and then in a neutral location, ensuring everything is recorded. Since laws often favor women, having clear evidence will protect him from false allegations and help him exit the marriage safely.
-
-
QAren’t hidden and spy cam evidence illegal and invasion of privacy and wouldn’t be used as evidence rather backfire on him
-
-
VThis isn’t suits or other Hollywood shows. Knowing your client committed a crime gets a lawyer disbarred as per Hollywood. In India everyone including the judge know what is what and still there’s no justice.
If he has recordings, there’s a high chance that the girls lawyer will tell her to not go to court and settle a mutual divorce. It’s definitely the correct way to go.
-
-
-
-
PFile for annulment stating refusal to consummate the marriage. Don’t wait until it has to become a divorce. It will get even more complicated than it has to be.
Next time don’t get into a marriage based on meeting only twice. This is such a stupid thing to do. And people that do this imo deserve all the grief it brings to them.
Date for 6 months to see if the other person is responding properly or not and only then decide whether it’s okay to marry or not. If the girl/boy or their parents refuse this for any reason, walk away.
-
U1. Contact a reputable divorce (family) lawyer
2. Start collecting evidence, after getting confirmation from the lawyer, to make sure your friend has proof of her behaviour
3. Video + audio evidence might help prove your friend’s innocence (so as not to get reverse sued about abuse)
4. Collect more evidence, based on lawyer advice, to support your case
5. -
-
-
UAnnul the marriage, let her parents know what she is thinking. Before anything, install cameras in the house, do not indulge with any arguments whatsoever as it could be used for false claims of domestic violence. Document each and every thing with proof. But please please set up some surveillance in case she files a false case whatsoever.
-
-
-
-
BIf it’s not consummated, ask your friend to file for annulment. Ask him to never ever take any blame for what she is doing because it can backfire on him and invite other problems. Get both parents under same roof and tell them what exactly she’s doing. She’s free to live her own life her way but she has no rights to destroy someone who else’s. Afterall, people marry to live happily with their partners, not live like flatmates. Oh, definitely get some form of evidence, maybe texts or calls where she confesses or atleast doesn’t refute the fact that she’s not interested in this marriage.
-
VThe more I see such stories, more I appreciate my ex-fiance. She was forced for engagement then when I opened up about my past and my relationships, she wanted to end the marriage plans immediately even though I had no contact with my ex since breakup.
Now I appreciate her so much on how adamant she was on not getting married.
Legal Advice : I married a divorcee who was similar situation. Mentally abusive household. Within a month she was forced to leave the house. Divorce is the best path and make sure it’s mutual without any alimony or maintenance stuff. Make a clean break. But it will take couple of years I think from my wife’s experience. He has to bite his teeth through this phase.
-
-
-
-
-
UThere is a very high chance that, as soon as he takes any step to address this, she will go on slapping all kind of cases from harassment, domestic violence, dowry allegations against the friend and his parents and siblings (if any). Will call the guy impotent for not consummating the marriage, and if he did, she will falsely accuse him of unnatural ways of doing it.
This is exactly the kind of woman who will arm twist for her will, at the expense of another man’s life.Before taking any action Ask him to gather evidences for:
A) no dowry transactions, unreasonable demands of lavish wedding or vacations were made.
B) get witnesses possibly messages from her families side, that corroborates that there was no harassment or unreasonable demand.
C) If possible record the conversation with her (where she confesses of this is her intention and she will continue like this)
C) Get the woman to leave the house willingly to her own place. So possibly take a trip together drop her to her parents place, make excuses and come back. Sweet talk her into it. Remember no confrontation or sensible talk will work with such woman.
D) if he owns the place, (transfer the ownership to mother and move on rent) if he lives on rent, cancel the tenancy and move on rent.
E) once all of this is done, and her family starts acting anxious to send her back at that time send them the recording of the daughter and text message of how she’s been handling her affairs.
F) Keep your parent’s involvement to the minimal, for their own good. Discuss and strategise with them but pull them to the forefront only when absolutely necessary.Chances are they might tell the guy, she is now changed and regrets her actions and will do better. But that only happens in movies. Ask your friend to always be level headed, and not be weakened by the emotional mind-games.
-
-
-
Umultiple red flags even before marriage .. now what he should do is to keep away from her as much as possible , her family will not help.Let me consult a good lawyer and make his move .If the flat he is rented let him rent another flat and one day without notice move out ..and never let her know where he lives that would be a good start.
-
UTo all saying to for Annulment …these are the grounds. What will apply in this case ?
Grounds for annulment
The grounds for a marriage annulment are varied to the different jurisdictions but are limited to fraud, bigamy, blood relationship and mental incompetence and includes the following situations as well:
1. Any of the spouse was already married to someone at the time of the marriage
2. Any of the spouse was young to get marriage or marries without the consent of parents/court;
3. Any of the spouse was under the influence of drugs or alcohol at the time of the marriage;
4. Any of the spouse was mentally incompetent;
If the consent was obtained through fraud or force;
5. Any of the spouse was physically incompetent to get married (basically he is unable to have sexual intercourse);
6. The spouse who is sentenced for a life term imprisonment.
-
