- This topic has 79 replies, 41 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 2 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
BHi everyone. My brother (28M) got married to my sister in law (25F) last year. It was an arranged marriage, and ever since the engagement, things have been rough.
SIL was constantly making degratory comments towards my brother and the family, which started from ‘You don’t even have a car?’ and escalated to verbally abusing my family members.
(Side note – we are financially well off, and she wasn’t. So we were not putting her in an uncomfortable position at all.)We took NO dowry, but their family spread the word that we did.
Ever since the first week of marriage, SIL and her family have started extorting money from us. First week of marriage and she made my brother pay for wedding expenses of her side from his pocket, and told my brother to keep it a secret from the family.SIL has a degree but doesn’t work, as she doesn’t have job related skills, and can’t speak English. We offered to educate her further, she agrees in front of us, but then when she’s alone with my brother, she starts threatening him.
Recent developments which we can’t ignore anymore –
1. She banged her head on the wall and later admitted that if she was trying to get a visible scar on her head.2. My brother touched her on the shoulder while inviting her to sit with the family, and she started screaming “Are you gonna break my arm now”. I was there and can confirm that he was NOT rough in any sense.
3. Whenever she gets sick and has to be taken to the hospital, she let’s her relatives think that she’s being taken to the hospital because she was beat up.
4. If my brother goes out for a week/or she goes to her hometown for a month, she only calls my brother when she needs money. Almost treating him like a bank account.
It’s only been a year of marriage and my family members (dad, grandparents) are not supportive of my brother. He’s went into depression and is currently undergoing treatment for the same.
We’ve tried to sort things out multiple times, only for the same things to happen again.My question is – how can we protect ourselves from a fake case and, if a divorce is in sights, how can we avoid alimony?
Please help me out with this, i really don’t want a bad marriage to ruin my family 🙂
-
-
-
-
SPlace cameras( wife shouldn’t know about this and not in bedroom or bathrooms), record record record. keep all the proofs. Better safe than sorry.
-
KIf the wife does not know about that wouldn’t that be an invasion of privacy? Better to install the camera while informing the wife ik she’s a bitch but yea
-
-
-
CNAL. But I think your brother should file harassment against his wife so that the cops are aware of the situation. Then he can place cameras in his house with the knowledge of the police and it can come under prevention/detection of crime. He can start by recording calls, saving all messages and recording in person conversations where she’s threatening him to show proof of harassment to the cops.
-
-
-
-
-
-
WI wish we would go back to the Wild West.!
Just shoot that bitch and call it a day with a glass of beer.! -
-
LAverage marriage experience these days. If you guys have money then consult a lawyer on what measures you can take to gather proofs etc and start taking measures, get in contact with mens rights organisations which guide you. Warna to your brother will be another Atul Subhash quite soon.
-
-
-
BPretty sure most genuine women hate women like these who ruin credibility for others who are true victims of DV and other similar stuff.
I’m a woman myself. And I’ve always hated women like these.-
QNo point explaining ourselves to men like these, they’re looking for confirmation biases. Don’t give it.
NAL : Op, I would just suggest getting some sort of camera set up to record any of these incidents. Even a lawyer will tell you to keep collecting proof from your side, as it just makes your case easier. Suggest that you all give less and less money, because she’ll have a reaction to that and record that reaction. Get a call recording app that doesn’t give the “your call is being recorded” message every time you click the record button and ask your brother to record each and every single phone interaction he has with her. Record in person interactions through the camera, would be even better if it can pick up conversations.
Make sure you have the bills from the payment your brother made on her behalf during the wedding too. Please collect all the evidence you can that proves you’re not the guilty parties and approach the police FIRST, before she can with all of this and try to file for extortion and harassment.
-
LThat’s not reality. Every time I’ve talked to women about this I’ve been met with “Yeah but women suffer more so we shouldn’t change laws” or “Theek hai na 2-4 cases hi to hai” or that “women never file false cases, all these men are creating drama.”
The majority of women support these kinds of women until it’s their own brother or father who’s getting accused lol. Like ffs you’ll find millions of women who still support Amber Heard.
There are some kind exceptions tho.
-
-
-
-
-
-
AYour mom has to file a fake case on her dad.
Do that but take lawyers advise.
It will be hard it’s the only option to save your family.
I’ve seen some people doing that.-
-
-
SImagine she is busy creating reports for DV and you think bigger mess in avoidable…..next she will file attempt to rape on you.
-
BArey Mai ladki hoon😭😭 but yeah that is a possibility. Will get a lawyer, but I know my family and they’ll never go through with filing a fake case.
The best we can do is protect ourselves. This is the issue with being good people:)-
-
-
SThat advice is terrible from a moral perspective but I have seen it bring people to the table for negotiations. When my Uncle was getting divorced, both parties had agreed on the settlement amount, the monthly maintenance and who would keep the children (my aunt). She took a second opinion from one of her relatives who was a career criminal and he advised her to file a fake case against my parents accusing them of kicking her out of her house even though she left of her own volition after locking her house herself, to bring us back to the negotiating table to demand more money. It did a number on my parents and we had to compromise.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
BInstall cctv in common areas may be.
Find if your SIL is having some affairs.
Keep the reports of Hospital safe.You can minimize the amountbof alimony. I am not sure if you can completely avoid it.
-
BDoesn’t seem like an affair situation. It looks like the entire family just decided to marry her off in plans of extorting money.
In order to accomplish that, they make weird plans and tactics and act out when the money isn’t paid.-
BTake advice from lawyer
May be if your brother moves all his asset under your or mothers name and then file a divorse case (before that gather evidences from cctv) then may be the alimomy can be minimized.
Also, there can be other ways like sell house, switch jobs and entire family disappear. There’s nothing much court can do if the notice never reaches you.
First point can be a loophole in existing laws (NAL)
Second point seems to be illegal but who amI to judge
-
-
-
-
-
-
VHer single fake complaint can break your family. Imo there’s no prevention for restricting a women’s mouth. Even if you place camera on ur house except bedroom and bathroom. She will come up with marital rape and DV inside the bedroom case. Who knows she may drag you and your father into these. Speak with her family, bargain with them and send her off with money.
-
BYeah. They’re already dragging my mom into it. Saying she “tortures” her when all she’s done is scold her for verbally abusing my brother and not mingling with the rest of the family 😭🙏
-
-
-
AAt this point I wanna know what due diligence did you guys did before finalizing everything because my elder brother will get married in a couple of years and I wanna save my family from this kind of situation .
-
SMostly bare minimum like some relative or friend must have said they know the family and family is good.
-
PYeah it’s so typical.
Step 1: marry a stranger
Step 2: get surprised that the stranger is evil
Step 3: shout indian women are bad-
SCouples in this age and era too …just meet 1/2 time and they have to say yes/no instantly.
Personally I think 3 months of talking/meeting a new person should be taken before even getting engaged.-
PIkr!
Even 3 months is not enough to know someone. Anyone can put on a nice act for a year easily. I really hope people stop marrying through AM or at least men refuse to do it bcz of “women centric laws” (as they call it).
But both men & women I’ve met (irl or online) say that they cannot get married if not through AM. Additionally, women say that they have to give dowry (which they call gifts) otherwise they will not be able to make their in-laws happy.
This country is fucked.
-
STrue…we want to be modern where bride needs to be earning while same time all traditional bs like dowry, household chores are expected of her.
At same time brides family want groom earning lakhs, having property, car, business whatnot in his name.
Greed has its own repercussions. -
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
UNAL
Consult a lawyer. She is threatening with false cases and when things do not go her way, she will do it. She will include everyone in the family.
Firstly ask your brother to not live with you or your parents.
Secondly, collect proof that no Dowry was exchanged.
Thirdly, ask him to quit his job for a Lower paying one, and if he has assets move it to your or your mom’s name.
Fourthly, make the girl work. Even if it’s for 1 week- show that she can earn.After you’ve done these- you can wait. Or be civil and ask for a mutual divorce. Let someone who knows both mediate this- and let the girl know that if she files fake cases her life is done because society won’t accept her. Once she understands it, you can settle and get out.
If you are sure she is going to file a fake case, some lawyers suggest your mom to file a DV. I would not recommend it because it will portray your family in a bad light.
You are welcome.
-
DAct scared, and let her play it out the way she wants, install those hidden cameras without her knowing, take her out somewhere when you install them, once you have ample ammo, especially she verbally abusing or doing theatrics or being rude to the elders, file a case against her of domestic cruelty. This is the only way, don’t threaten her anything now. Do the smart stuff man.
This is not lawyer’s advice but practical advice. -
BYou should have never ignored the ref flags before the marriage.
Lawyer up already and start collecting proofs
Personally I think when we do a background check for any kind of marriage arranged or love it should not be on surface level people lie all the time. It should be done via PI.
-
BIf only brown families agreed to this. I knew something was fishy and the marriage should be called off, but I’m the youngest kid of the house so naturally, everyone called me crazy and didn’t listen to me. 🙂
-
-
-
-
-
AI really appreciate your comment here. I will pray that you never get into such stuff neither your family members.
I heard from a female that,’ han toh kya hua humesha se ladkiyon ne bhi toh kitna saha hai’, now her own brother is into same stuff.No matter if it is with a male or female at least we can support those who are in such situations. Talking around these cases is easier but you will realise what mental pressure is once you start living in such scenarios.
And for those families/men/women who are doing such shit remember God is there and Karma is there.
-
-
-
-
SRemember men. Do what the ladies do. Marry someone richer so if it goes for a toss you can claim alimony and live the rest of your life tension free.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
