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UWife is from Rajasthan but we lived together in another state. We separated 5 years ago and then I was embroiled in several cases for 3 years.
Heres the story –
It was an abusive marriage. She was physically violent, to the point where she would even kick & punch me while i was asleep. Finally got separated when I realized this cannot be fixed even after I requested her for marriage counselling multiple times and she said no.
The last few months, I recorded as much as possible and also during our initial separation time. These are audio recordings, messages, calls etc. of her being both physically and emotionally abusive. After 2+ years of separation she lodged an FIR where I presented all the proof, but apparently it still needed to be resolved in the court, so 498a & other related cases on the whole family. And DV Act section 23 was filed later as well.
Current status –
498a & other CR. REG. cases – all charges against my family has been dropped with an order saying that her & her dad’s story is constantly changing, furthermore no dates mentioned in FIR. She had applied to include my family again with application under crpc 190 but that was rejected by the magistrate. Now the case is running only on me. Its stuck at prosecution evidence stage (2 dates have passed) and they are not showing up in court at all.
DV Act Section 23 – We submitted our financials. She claimed in her affidavit that she does not earn at all (and did not submit ITR or bank statements). Not sure why she did that cause I have her ITR etc. I keep all household data safely – including my whole family’s medical history, reports, taxes etc. So I submitted my financials including the fact that she is lying. The court requested her to submit her ITR, since then she does not appear in court at all. After a few days, an order was issued by the court to her to submit the documents and explicitly mentioned the following –
उक्त सुसंगत दस्तावेज जानबूझकर बदनीयतपूर्वक अनुचित उद्देश्य की पूर्ति हेतु प्रार्थी द्वारा माननीय न्यायालय के समक्ष प्रस्तुत नही किया है। (Translation: The above relevant documents have been deliberately and maliciously not presented by the applicant before the Honorable Court to achieve an unfair purpose.)
Furthermore its clear in this order that they need to submit the documents before the next court date. 2 court dates have passed (judge was absent) and on the latest date even their lawyer did not show up. So another date was issued 2 months from now.
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I am now at a loss. Why was another date given when it was mentioned that they need to submit the documents? What can I do from here if the judge is absent again the next date further extending the date. The case should have been dismissed considering even the lawyer didnt show up to represent.
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SHi Bro,
NALCan you tell me your age and her age?
Also what are their demands to settle this out of court?
I have seen similar issue with a relative but they settle outside after 1.5 years separation and 4 months in court dates.So they got divorced under 2 years.
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UHi. Thanks for comment. I am 35 and she is 32. Their demand is huge (1cr). I cant even give that by giving everything I have + taking loans etc. We have tried negotiating told her how much i can do and they just threatened us by saying they’ll drag it out further until we figure it out how to meet their demands.
We want to settle this out of court. I want it to end.
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Uits been 3 years. i was hoping i can do some kinda counter case once i start getting favorable orders, but apparently i cant do anything! even if its being proven false, I cant get a divorce. I dont care about justice anymore, I just want my life back.
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UThis is all great news for you. I mean everything you Mentioned in going in your favor.
What you may be perceiving as a delay by the court is just standard procedure.
You’ve spent enough time with cops and courts and lawyers now to understand that the court system is more of a bureaucratic mess than a mechanism for providing justice.Once the judge arrives back you will get an order in your favor, if this is not a planned leave for the judge and it extends beyond some days then you will get a new judge who will carry on the case. (As in it doesn’t start from scratch, your progress in the case remains intact). Ask your lawyer to plead for costs to the other party.
Also As the judge in your cases has written clearly about the wife’s motivation – it makes it far easier for you to fight it back against any other fake cases she may throw at you.
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UThank you. The problem is, its been dragged a lot and in the next court date (2 months from now!!) i’ll get a favorable order but divorce is still going to take time. honestly, i am not scared of the case at all. i am scared of how much of my life is wasted away, and its not even close to the end.
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UI recommend getting the court case transcript. You can find that online too through your case number ir even the names of the parties and their counsel.
That will give you a nice idea of where the case is at truly from you being able to get a decree.
It might seem like shit ain’t moving but this is remarkably progress according to my experience with the legal system in the kast decade.
If yiu go through the transcript then you can understand if evidence for both parties has happened or not, if cross questioning has happened yet or not, if party arguments have happened or not and then the judge will pass an order.
Most of the steps might look the same thing being repeated in different ways to an outsider.
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USo I am fully aware of whats going on in all my cases and have the proceedings sent to me by my lawyer. Also I do check the eservices website on case status when i need to.
And you are right, even my lawyer said my case is progressing faster than he has experienced. it does make me happy, but still part of my brain is constantly overthinking.
Transcripts are quite straight forward – pretty much “prosecution didnt show up in court or requested for another date”. this has never changed. Except when interim orders come out in my favor. and they are not showing up for cross-questioning & evidence.
The kicker, I live in another state and I have been to the court far more times than her.
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UBrother I m really sorry for you.
In my case my wife divorced me and didn’t demand anything. I didn’t contest the divorce (even though I initially wanted to fight to get her back) but it still took us 11 months. By the time I get the actual divorce papers in hand, it ll be 1 year to divorce. Imagine a straight forward non contested divorce takes 1 Yr.Have patience brother, remember it’s a marathon and not a race. Take care and hope you find some peace.
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UYea thats what worries me. My lawyer did say if we things work out with settlement, since we have been separated for 5 years – it’ll take 1-2 month once the mutual divorce is agreed. I dont want to keep my hopes up.
The difficult part of this phase of life – keep smiling and stay confident in front of the family – cant let my aging parents see me beaten, it’ll make them age queicker. I just sulk and take care of my anxiety and panic when I am alone.
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SArey BC. My story copied here. Hahah
Anyways you can speak to me how I been dealing with this. On the verge of getting out.
Also hire competent lawyers please. Rajasthan where?
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UNAL
Honestly your situation seems much better than most divorce proceedings in India. No matter what happens, don’t give into the temptation to settle out of court because that would nullify all the previous judgements against fake cases in your favour (because it’ll hint at your sign of guilt rather than frustration).
Let the court date extend again but on the next court date if your wife doesn’t appear, ask your lawyer to plead contempt of court on your wife for not showing up for court dates.
Keep pressing down on legal proceedings, you’d have to make the case fall flat against your wife. Any other brilliant ideas of out of court settlement will give you a one way ticket for a lifetime of mental and financial harassment.
Up to you, if you want to keep fighting(Sarvjeet Singh fought for 10 years against a fake harassment case without Jasleen Kaur appearing in court once) or build a new pathway for your abusive ex-wife to keep harassing and threatening you and your family for eternity.
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UI get what you mean. I am not scared of the cases. I am scared of how much of my life will go into this with 0 outcome. Yes I will win, but not like she will face any consequences.
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UMy advice isn’t about you winning or her facing consequences of her actions (hilarious, a woman in India facing legal consequences for filing false cases and harassment), it’s about ending it once and for all permanently.
The reason your wife and her lawyer aren’t showing up is because she can’t be forced to attend court and as the case seems to favour you now, I would assume this is her lawyer’s advice. She wants to corner you for an out of court settlement as she can squeeze more money out of you in the long term then.
So, you can do whatever you like but if you want this to end you have to double down on legal proceedings or risk being blackmailed in he name of false cases for your entire life.
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UYes. And when it comes to negotiations and talking to her or her lawyer – we show that this doesnt bother us and we will continue fighting the case. Our last negotiation attempt was over a year back and since then we havent called or tried to settle.
She messaged me 1.5 months back to threaten me. My lawyer had given our offer to them to settle the matter. She didnt like the offer, and messaged me –
She: “I would rather go through the court”. (funny thing, she never shows up in court. so i know this is a threat about dragging this out)
Me: “Tumhara lalach kabhi khatam nhi hoga. Yes, the court will ensure justice.”
So I put my strongest face and fight hard. That doesnt mean it isnt bothering me tremendously.
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UOf course it’ll bother you, but look at the bright side that you’re not going down legally. Your case is strong, the proceedings are going in your favour and your wife is so afraid to face loss she’s not showing up in court.
Your response to your wife the last time you talked suggests that she’s grasped the idea that you’re willing to fight and since her chances are slim, best way she and her lawyer could come up with is not showing up.
This opens up an avenue for you, consult your lawyer about “Ex-parte” divorce. If she misses her next court date, bring it up if your lawyer agrees to it.
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WPlease be happy with your situation and have patience . You are lucky not to have corrupt judges and lawyers
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UGather as much money as possible and emigrate to any country that gives you a passport much cheaply/easily. Like you mentioned, this is just 498A. Divorce still has not started, and they can still drag you to higher courts.
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USo the advise given to me by my lawyer:
1. don’t have direct contact with her. If she is abusive, simply block her everywhere. only communicate through lawyer/some family member.
2. show no hurry. not even a little bit
3. Take the power position, threaten with 0 alimony. Threaten things like , even if court says so, I still won’t give. I’ll leave country without giving you divorce. Show strength ! In my case, demand also started with 1cr, but we said 5 L , finally settled at 15L.
4. live your life. do things / solo travel, remove expectations for case to end. I am older than you and only when I completely let go, did I find peace !No they won’t go to high court. lawyer’s are expensive, they don’t have unlimited resources, and want to end it as well, no matter what they pretend to act like.
It will be okay,
btw have you filed cruelty case ?
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Unot sure tbh. My lawyers are seniors are in the family, so I trust them blindly. But perhaps because she was kind of psycho or to eliminate liability. In case I say something that they can use against me… For me not having to receive random made up hate that she overthought herself into making was a huge relief
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UContact only via phone and messages. always record calls and export chats (in case she deletes things). NEVER meet face to face alone or with family. If you need to sit down and talk, then ensure BOTH lawyers (yours & theirs) are present.
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U1. Lawyer has given me full permission to let her contact me (over the phone only). No meeting her face to face alone. If we need to meet for settlement, lawyer or court appointed mediator has to be there.
2. Understood. yes I do that. moments of weakness is difficult to handle.
3. Yes. The courts in this regard have favoured me – no alimony assigned yet even though the maintenance case has been going on for 2 years and no interim alimony either. THANK YOU for the hope. I wouldn’t mind settling at 15. that would be wonderful. again thanks!!
4. yea its been 5 years. so right after covid ended, i gymmed hard, entered competitions, worked on my passion, made new friends, traveled and had my fun. Now Im wondering about my next phase in life but need to get rid of my past.
Yea the high court thing has been pestering me. the fact that now 2-3 people (incl. you) told me that she wont go to high court, it gives me hope. she already lost the case against my family in Jan last year and she didnt go to high court.
Do you mean Divorce case on the grounds of cruelty? Not yet. Im applying for divorce now. Everything is in my favor and court orders in my favor help prove mental cruelty!
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Uyeah divorce on the basis on cruelty. This can also be used to threaten – “court will give me divorce on cruelty. you won’t get a $ and your reputation will be ruined ! ” . Its harsh, but we can only be nice to nice people.
Is there any one in her family who is reasonable ? In my case neg happened between our family members where everyone kept their cool, otherwise she had other plans.
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UThe reasonable family members from her side have completely distanced themselves from this problem. They tried initially, but didnt want the hassle I guess. We tried talking to them a year back and we were surprised that they no longer talk to my ex or even see her.
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U> we were surprised that they no longer talk to my ex or even see her.
This is interesting ! In my case, I slowly noticed that most of my ex’s family kept their distance from her. Like during phere, not a single family member was near the mandap . I guess how good someone is with their cousins is a sign.
Anyhow hang tight in their man, they have nothing going for them, probably why they don’t show up, a couple more dates and few more months and you will find peace !
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UNAL
Hello OP, thank you for sharing this incident with us. I understand it must be really hard on you.
Could you find some time to share your experience on any behaviors that indicated an abusive personality which you noticed in your wife before the marriage?
Asking so that it could be a cautionary tale for the readers here who are yet to get married.-
UYou asked me the question that I still hate asking myself. Everytime I think about what made me marry her, it makes me feel like the dumbest idiotic stupid fool ever.
1. Make sure she has a good relationship with her parents.
2. She will hide the evil part of her till she gets married, you need to understand that part about her based on how her parents like to talk and behave especially during the courtship period (the crazy comes out 1-2 month before the wedding).
3. Her friend circle will tell you a lot. Are they constantly “competing” about status and things like that? It sounds simple enough, but actually the “competition” is very subtle.
ill write more when i think of more.
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RNow it’s a psychological battle and you must show dominance. They’re losing it. Courts will take their time but you must not go for settlement. They’ll try to get anything but they have no leverage. Stop talking to them altogether. Live happily, knowing that they cannot do much. Let it drag, it should be visible to them that you’re ready to drag it till the end of your days and they will not get a dime out of you, and then when they cry for pittance, give them exactly that. Remember, it’s a pure negotiation from here and you must not give in.
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BHi brother, hang in there. Really sad this is happening to you. Have you considered putting pressure on family by getting in touch with her relatives and telling them what she’s done to you and how they’re extorting you for huge sums?
Beware that she can also call up your relatives, but I would take that risk than paying her my entire life savings like you’re saying they have demandedBest of luck and hope it ends soon
Imo don’t pay them out because you’re impatient.bitnwill take years for you to recoup that money once it’s gone.-
UYea did that. I even showed them all the messages and audio recordings. They were extremely appalled. But it didnt create the effect I thought it would. The relatives just completely distanced themselves from the problem and her. I tried to contact them to push my ex for settlement and they told me they no longer have any connection with her for over a year. They have stopped talking or meeting her.
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PThe court as a general practice gives sufficient time for both the parties. So far everything is going in your favor.
Ask your lawyer to advance the date instead of waiting for 2 months. A notice will be given to the opposite party to appear on the requested date.
On the next date, if the opposite party doesn’t show up, ask your lawyer to make a submission that the opposite party party has been given enough time to present the documents and request to close the stage. If the judge accepts that your case will move forward.
Even if they show up and submit the documents, your lawyer will ask some time to go through the documents.
for further clarification contact us [https://g.co/kgs/LaAUUKi](https://g.co/kgs/LaAUUKi)
**Disclaimer:** In the absence of all the facts of the case, the comments given may not be the best solution for your case. One on one consultation with a legal counsel/ advocate is advised to get better guidance.
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UNAL.
Bro. Hang in there.
I know for a fact that there is a process for expedited trial.
You can file a petition in High Court requesting expedited trial and then the high court will pass a order directing the lower court for this. Not sure under what grounds, this is considered.Please talk to you lawyer about this.
What this means is that the court dates will be less far apart and perhaps the lower court will hasten things up a bit.
Best to not get your hopes up too high. It is likely to still take years.Best piece of advice i can give:
You HAVE to start living your life in parallel.
You cannot put your life on hold waiting for the conclusion of this case.
You have to treat it like you would a disease like diabetes and let it go on in parallel. -
UJust a thought, why can’t “someone” file frivolous cases on her family members like father, brother etc. eg. Sexual harassment, casteist slurs etc.
If the legal system is to be abused, why that abuse must be one sided?
How can you let her sleep peacefully at night? Not just figuratively. You know where she lives. And a loudspeaker is cheap and can be operated remotely.
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EIn similar vein – but charges have not been dismissed. Things are only getting started – but I am clear that all my cases will easily take a decade if not less (FC, HC, SC). Only advice will be to be patient – our judicial system is a bureaucratic mess. It is designed to tire you out. Keep fighting.
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