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II do not write reddit posts often, so this might be long and repetitive, read the tldr. But I request you to please read fully if you are someone well versed with the law.
I am 28F, I am a government teacher and my husband (27M) runs a small business(not profitable, so he is dependent on his family, and tried to extort me of my incomes).
Husband from one and a half month, knew him from a year and a half. This was an arranged marriage. So ever since I was first introduced to him he kept covering his tracks of his past deeds (not exactly relationships, since some were even small cases of harassment), he pretended to be transparent by telling me twisted versions of these events in case I came to hear about them from someone else, so that he could make it sound like he wasnt in the wrong in them. The whole 10 months of period (between engagement and marriage) he was downright uninterested in me, giving only his time on phone calls when I was at my home, with the intent to keep me at a distance from my own family, which he succeeded in to some extent, making himself a trusted person in my life, so that he could extort me in several ways. He has a smoking habit and drinks too (pretty sure its a habit, but he doesnt agree to the claim), he didn’t tell me about either of them before the engagement. Only told me about his smoking habit when I caught him on a video call and forced him to show his surroundings.
The dowry angle: We live in a conservative society, so even though I personally am not in support of such acts, the parents of girl in marriages are expected to pay hefty amounts. However, being the bread winner in this relationship by a large margin of income, we didnt expect any such huge demands from them, and they pretended that way too so that the relation moves forward. It was only after the engagement that they started their extortion and emotional torture of me and my family. This went on and on, and even happened after the marriage, even on the day of the marriage my mother was lectured by my mother in law for not fulfilling their demands in front of their relatives. Lectured me too when day 1 of my married life, so we had to make additional payments even afterwards. All this was bearable because I thought the person I was getting married didn’t want any of it and was only getting forced by his parents to stay quiet. A total of 25 lakhs were paid excluding the wedding expenses taken from us(8 lakhs). As for the proofs is where we don’t have much as most of the payments were done in cash, we have: (1) Call recordings of me and husband where I was discussing his parents’ demands, where he cleverly never outright agrees to those demands being real, and yet never denies either. Anyone hearing those recordings will understand that those demands being talked about were indeed happening, and were totally fulfilled. (2) Online transactions as some 7-8 lakhs were transferred through netbanking, so theres no denying that sum. (3) Call recordings of the mediator person whom they used to emotionally torture my mother and extort more money, in which she can be heard agreeing to the 80k sum being extorted day 1 after marriage, and a large suitcase of cash that was paid before(she didn’t know the amount of cash it held, it was 2.71 lakhs). (4) The receipts of gold ornaments that they currently possess but were bought by us on their excessive demands, I dont know how to prove of them being in their possession. Basically a lot of financial and emotional distress has been caused to my old parents due to these extortions and now that even the marriage has been revealed as a total sham I can’t think of all this being worth it in any sort of way.
Husband’s extramarital affair: He has had many relationships in past, which he pretended to be transparent about by telling me distorted version of them. Even during all this time (past year and a half) I had doubts due to his behavior, but a recent turn of events made it all clear. I work away from my home city (where he and his family lives too). Recently I got to know about the ruckus that was caused by him about 1-2 days before Holi (not sure about exact date). Basically the girl he’s been cheating on me with (who was a minor about a year ago) lives rent free in their house with her mother, due to this marriage and the functions that were held in their home they moved out temporarily to give the family more space, but on this aforementioned day they tried to move back in, but my parents in law who want proper rent denied their assertion, which my husband opposed supporting the girl with all his might. Fight broke out, with the mother of the girl asking why doesn’t my husband marry her already, and my mother in law shouting at them to not cause all the ruckus to stop any kind of shame. He lost control, even hit my mother in law, telling her something around the words, “You wanted to make me marry that ugly girl, you wanted her money, her job, her salary, I never would’ve done it. I have loved “the little girl” always, and wouldve only married her if it wasnt for you”. Now this all happened at their place, my father in law apologized with the girl’s mother and somehow made them to calm down(possibly money). This whole incident reached my mother’s ear from a very trusted source, who is hesitant to testify publicly. My mother instantly called my father in law when she realised how badly her daughter has been scammed into this family, bashed him on the phone, he never accepted the events that occured and said that it was just a rent issue, requesting my mom to not let this whole thing out, especially to not tell me, “so that I dont get worried” he said. My mother knowing my strength well told me everything over call. And all the events that were shocking to her made complete sense to me when I internalised all the behavior of my husband that I had been witnessing all this time. On further searching we even found out about some cases of him harassing girls in the past where the father in law had to talk the victim out of it. He also used to share distorted versions of his past realtionships, showing me the photos and identities of the related girls, which he immediately used to delete after discussion so I dont have that anymore either. The 18 yro girl in discussion is completely in consent with their relationship so I cant expect her to speak anything for me or anything confirming their relationship either.
Threat to myself and my privacy: My mother pretended that she didnt tell me, so that we still have a chance of getting some of my father’s hard earned money back. But they expected it. My husband, being married for a month and a half, has already made physical relations with me, and I have severe doubt that he has videos of it. Never before in my life have I had any kind of relations with any other man. After this ruckus by his, he knew that the news will reach us somehow, he recently came to visit the campuses that I live in, he told me to keep the lights of bathroom on(made up some excuses), now I have extreme doubts that he placed something there too, and has the videos of that too, that he might use against me later when he stops the nice guy, I love you act that he is putting in front of me right now when I confront. Being in a conservative society, any kind of connections with a man other than the husband can be used as a tool to spread rumors about the woman, knowing this, yesterday morning my husband told a staff member of mine (whom he is close to) to come to my quarter(the excuses the employee made, like he wants to exchange quarters with one from my lane so he wants to visit and check, were sounding fishy but I didnt notice at first), its only after the man tried being pushy that things made sense, and I immediately told him to come later when his family is at home, told him to come with his wife. Anything couldve happened that day, I just dont have any proof. Knowing the threat that I was in there, I immediately moved out and came to my home in my home city. I havent told my in laws or husband that I am here, they still think that I am in my working city, but at some relatives, and have been on call with them ever since, trying to get something out of their own mouths. But no. They have been cautious from day one, nobody spoke a word about that girl, its all rent matter they say. My husband tried emotionally blackmailing me (he is very good at manipulation, its only now that I am realising this), then he tried pretending to commit suicide, sending messages such as I have taken multiple sleeps pills, possibly Im going, I love you, etc etc, so that he can make all this look in his favor. Even back when I was pretending I didnt know anything about the ruckus, when I talked to him he wasnt showing any interest, but when I talked to him about the employee being pushy he showed full interest and started to put all the blame on me for not being cautious (the character assassination, the main aim of him planting that guy on me, before this he always used to pretend to support instead of victim blaming).
Condition at my home: My mother, little brother and I have been discussing this alone ever since 2-2.5 days, with only discussing the matter with the original informant who told us about the ruckus, and a relative who is related to crime branch and is someone whom we can trust to not tell us to co-operate with the monsters, otherwise almost all our family is like that. We still havent told this to my father, he is a mental patient, the toll this will take on his well being is immeasurable, he will spiral down to the depths we somehow got him out of with excessive care up until now, we will tell him, we are just hesitant about when. Beside these, there is one more close relative who is a lawyer whom we havent talked to yet but will eventually, he is a bit conservative too, and will tell us to coopertate maybe, because we might not be able to convey the severity of this case due to absolute lack of proofs.
My aim: This whole year has been the most emotionally taxing year of my life, having battled my father’s mental illness and all my dark childhood, I never expected to fall in this pit at this phase of my life where everything seemed so promising. I want severe repercussions on the oppressors. My questions are what can I get through a legal battle with these things that I have (and the mild lack of proofs)? Can I decide to live separately without getting a divorce, because if I go for divorce he will stop his business or wont show the actual earning and might be getting an alimony even after these monstrous acts devoid of any emotion for me, his parents earn more than me as of now, and theres only 3 of them in the house, since I am in my beginning phase of job. Also what can I do about the videos that I strongly believe he has of me, and might have even shared to someone(to the staff member of mine, or to some platform).
TLDR: My family has been extorted heavily for dowry. Husband(27M) has extramarital affairs since a long time with a girl who was minor last year. He most probably has intimate videos of me that probably he has shared with someone or somewhere. I am unsafe in my campus because one of the staff members is close to my husband, he even tried sending him to my home with ill intentions yesterday. I have extreme lack of proof. Husband and his family is denying absolutely everything. I am at my home with my brother and mother aware of all this, and father unware(he is mentally ill, and this will be taxing on him). I want them to suffer for every ounce of trouble that they have caused me, and for the betrayal. What can I do. Please read the full post to understand actual severity of all this.
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WI stopped reading at some point because I got the gist of the post.
The laws in India are made for women like you. You can get a divorce and won’t have to give him a cent. If anything, you will walk away with money/property in all likelihood. File a FIR against him. Go to the women’s cell.
Go see a good lawyer (who isn’t related to you) and get some concrete answers vs. listening to relatives and hypothesizing scenarios. This is the question of your life, take matters into your own hands by advocating for yourself because if you don’t, no one else will.
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