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UHusband of 20 years had a long affair. I found out, his family forced, berated and insulted me into staying. Now, years later, I found evidence that he is still cheating and plans on leaving me. I am a govt employee, earn more, am also the housewife. He is a cab driver and works when he wants, mostly relies on me to fund his affairs and our house and his parents.
1 My GPF account has been solely filled up by me during our marriage – is that now considered a marital property and will be split? If yes, can I take it out and send it to my parents?
2 Will I have to pay alimony/ maintenance?
3 Our joint account – can I empty it now?
4 Should I confront him (he doesn’t know that I know), how to go about getting a lawyer?
5 We have 2 kids (18, and 21) both studying in expensive colleges – I’m paying. If we split, will he be forced to pay for them?
6 The house is in our name (I paid half, his parents gifted other half) – Will that be split?
7 The jewelry we own together – who gets that?
8 How to get a lawyer? Separation vs divorce?
9 What should be my plan right now? Should I confront him? Collect evidence? Should I file or wait for him to do?
10 Please just help me.. is there anything else I haven’t thought of? No one in our families have ever gone through something like this. I don’t even know what to ask. Please advise me.
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CNAL.
You are a wife and a government employee and since Indian courts are biased, you won’t have to pay any alimony. You may be given alimony.
I still recommend meeting a lawyer here on reddit and physically while gathering evidence. In the meantime, save money for lawyers, legal fees plus your children college fees because you don’t know what move the husband will make and it’s better to be safe than sorry -
CPresuming you are Hindus, there is a gender neutral provision under which husbands can seek maintenance. However the provision is seldom used, and courts rarely grant any to able-bodied men, so from what you have stated in the post it doesn’t seem like you will have to give him any money.
With respect to jewellery, anything you brought yourself or at the time of marriage is yours and yours only; the same goes for your savings out of your income.
Considering the fact that you are employed and earning a good salary, you may not get entitled to maintenance, bit your husband can be asked to pay a portion of three college fee for your children.
Would advise you to cool down a little, consider seperation and not rush into divorce – meet up with lawyers, weigh your options and then proceed systematically – rushing in rarely works and divorce becomes easier when there is a period of separation.-
BHow the wife’s savings are her only? Does this go if man earns more and saves, as well as wife earns. Basically switching the gender in this case.
How would the savings part go?
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APlease discuss specific details with a lawyer, but generally courts in India are reluctant to award alimony to husbands even when they earn less, unless there are exceptional circumstances like him sacrificing his career for his wife’s and not being able to physically work due to some disability.
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AThe text of the law is gender neutral, but judges also come from society, so the practice is not. An unemployed able bodied man will be judged very differently than a woman in a similar situation. Since women also usually have primary responsibility for childcare and also because of the reality of societal norms, where the man is supposed to be the provider and women are expected to support it, it is not entirely unfair also. In certain cases, the husband might have a genuine case, but the bar to prove it is high.
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PThe execution is certainly not gender neutral. It’s entirely unfair. The court even asks unemployed men to find work and provide alimony to the wife.
Child support is to be paid by both the parents. The law heavily exploits men.-
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PAnd I’m not against alimony but it should be done in a calculative manner. The way its done in western countries and the child support is proportionately divided.
(although it’s still biased towards women even in the west)
In our country, no matter what, it’s almost always the man who is paying even if he earns less.
So many times the man has to pay even when he faces domestic violence.-
BBecause Indian men don’t perform household chores and childcare like western men do. We can’t apply western ideals to Indian society.
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PSo you mean that current state of execution of alimony is perfect?
The alimony should be given by the spouse even if he’s earning less? How does it make sense?
Moreover, the mother majority of the times gains the custody of the kids even in no fault divorce.Moreover, the issue of men not actively taking part in raising the children is sorted by child support right? That’s not exactly alimony.
I’m talking about the assets here, not child support.
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RThis are my Advice to you as a lawyer to do in initialally.
1) Gather Evidence: Collect financial records, proof of his affairs, and contributions to assets discreetly.
2) Secure Finances: Don’t move money yet—consult a lawyer to avoid missteps.
3)Document Everything: List your income, his spending, kids’ expenses, and property details.
4)Protect Kids: Keep funding their education; it strengthens your case.
5) Stay Calm: Avoid confronting him—knowledge is your leverage.
6) Plan Exit: Decide separation or divorce; prioritize financial stability.
7) Seek Support: Lean on trusted friends or a therapist, not his family. -
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RWhy getting the cold feet 😂😂 don’t you think it’s fair to maintain husbands life style after divorce
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A
1. GPF: Your GPF is your personal property and is not considered a marital asset. You do not need to transfer it to anyone, including your parents.
2. Alimony/Maintenance: It is rare for courts in India to order women to pay maintenance unless there is a significant income disparity or the husband is unable to earn due to a disability. Since your husband has earning capacity, it is unlikely you would be required to support him.
3. Joint Account: If you are the sole contributor, you have the right to withdraw the funds.
4. Confrontation vs. Legal Strategy: Before confronting him, collect strong evidence (messages, financial records, proof of infidelity, domestic violence if any) to strengthen your case.
5. Children’s Expenses: Both parents are legally responsible for their children’s education.. The court may direct him to contribute financially.
6. House Ownership: The house will be split proportionally—your half remains yours, and the portion gifted by his parents could be subject to legal examination. Or one party can give an equivalent amount.
7. Jewelry: Any jewelry given/gifted to you (by your family, his family, or even bought by you) is legally considered your personal property (streedhan). You have sole ownership over it.
8. Legal Process:
Mutual Divorce (if he agrees): This is faster, cheaper, and avoids lengthy court battles without paying lawyers fees. Recommended.
Contested Divorce (if he resists): Requires proof of cruelty, adultery, or desertion and takes longer.
I’d suggest you consult a lawyer first before making any major decisions.
Do not make sudden financial moves without legal advice, as they may backfire.
Plan for financial independence by ensuring access to necessary funds.
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BCan you please explain point number 8? Suppose if the man was earning more and other half was gifted by wife’s family. Then how would the distribution go?
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AIf you do not wish to stay with your husband anymore, you have two options for divorce:
1. Mutual Consent Divorce
2. Contested Divorce
Regarding separation, if you simply wish to live apart without legal proceedings, you can do so without filing for divorce.
As for your hypothetical question about joint property:
If a house is jointly owned by a husband and wife with a 50-50 contribution, then each owns half, regardless of who earns more or whether one is unemployed. Ownership is based on title and contribution, not income level. -
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LIf he’s dependent on you then u will be required to pay. However if you keep the kids , the amount will be drastically reduced because you are already paying towards childcare. Until and unless he is handicapped and can’t work and has been stay at home dad he won’t be handed out much in alimony.
Regarding your bank accounts , move all the money you can to yoir account before you confront him.
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SHere’s a brief and precise response to each of your questions:
1. **GPF Account** – If the account was accumulated during the marriage, it may be considered a marital asset, subject to division. Withdrawing and transferring it now may be seen as asset dissipation. Consult a lawyer before taking any steps.
2. **Alimony/Maintenance** – Since you earn more, you may have to pay alimony if he claims financial dependency. However, his ability to work and his infidelity could impact the court’s decision.
3. **Joint Account** – Legally, you can withdraw your share, but clearing it entirely may be contested. Move funds cautiously and consult a lawyer first.
4. **Confrontation & Lawyer** – Do **not** confront him yet. Gather solid evidence first. To find a lawyer, look for experienced family law attorneys in your area—referrals or bar associations can help.
5. **Children’s Expenses** – If they are adults (18+), there is no legal obligation for them to pay unless the court orders support for education. If the children side with you, it may strengthen your case.
6. **House** – Since you paid half and his parents gifted the rest, a court will consider contributions. You may retain your share, and his could be contested, depending on the proof of ownership.
7. **Jewellery** – The recipient typically retains personal gifts. Shared or inherited jewellery may be subject to division.
8. **Lawyer & Separation/Divorce** – A lawyer can advise you on whether a legal separation (if applicable) or divorce is the better option for you. If reconciliation isn’t an option, filing first may give you strategic benefits.
9. **Next Steps** – **DO NOT confront him yet.** Gather evidence of his affair, finances, and assets. Secure important documents. Consult a lawyer before making financial moves. Filing first can give you an advantage, but timing should be strategic.Mayank Burmee
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CJust threaten to file charges of domestic violence against him if he asks for alimony or anything that is yours.
Ethical or not, a quick and clean split with no alimony is the most fair scenario for both of you.
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CIf he were the type to do that merely because the OP is asking to keep what fairly belongs to her, there would already have been indications of that violent streak by now.
And there is no room for righteous anger here, either, because the OP isn’t being unfair and asking for more than she deserves. All the OP is saying is that if he’s going to be unfair, she is going to be unfair as well.
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VShe is fair. But you are telling to threaten him, if he shows fear it’s okay she will win. If not, terrible things will happen.
>there would already have been indications of that violent streak by now.
Did she ever mentioned that he is physically abusive?
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C> She is fair. But you are telling to threaten him, if he shows fear it’s okay she will win. If not, terrible things will happen.
I only suggested that she threaten him with domestic violence charges if he asks for alimony or what belongs to her. She’d only start being unfair if he initiates it.
> Did she ever mentioned that he is physically abusive?
Not to my knowledge.
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C1. Because he cheated — multiple times.
2. Because he didn’t sacrifice his career to benefit the OP’s career, so he isn’t entitled to anything.
3. The OP has supposedly paid for most stuff, and he hasn’t contributed as much.
I can probably think of more reasons, but those three should do.
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VBut when some women do this they still get Alimony, so why can’t a man get Alimony? I hope he gets nothing because of our biased laws.
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DIf she is fair then file a real case like cruelty ground divorce.if something he can’t do why do suggest this?
If imagine the roles are reversed are suggest a man like if ur wife ask for divorce or maintenance u can blackmail her with her nu+++.are u stupid or ultra simp?
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C> If she is fair then file a real case like cruelty ground divorce.
In Indian courts, only idiots play a fair game when your opponent is playing unfair.
> if something he can’t do why do suggest this? Something who can’t do what? WTF are you even saying?
> If imagine the roles are reversed are suggest a man like if ur wife ask for divorce or maintenance u can blackmail her with her nu+++
No clue what you’re even saying. Are you drunk?
> are u stupid or ultra simp?
Neither. Just a pragmatist.
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DWhy do suggest someone do illegal thing?if he proves that she file a false case and if he want to prosecute her she lost her job instantly or holding her promotion or may be she demoted sometimes
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C> Why do suggest someone do illegal thing?
It’s only illegal if it can be proved.
> if he proves that she file a false case
It’s almost impossible to prove that a domestic violence allegation is false.
> and if he want to prosecute her she lost her job instantly or holding her promotion or may be she demoted sometimes
Could you give examples of a woman losing her job over an allegation of domestic violence?
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BNAL but any case will take decades. Try and settle things out of court. Let him try and move out. That’s ideal. No one will move you out from your residence. Seriously, let him leave. But it has to be “his idea”. A lot of this is down to egos, sk let him win the ego battle temporarily, for long term peace.
Figure out a way to keep the property. And the rest, try and settle with him. But don’t be too eager about it. So he thinks you’re getting what you want. No one wants to give their divorced partner that. So play it smart.
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