- This topic has 13 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 5 months ago by
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USo my friend, (21F), called me in great distress crying on the phone, and asking if could she come stay at my place. I live with my parents too. I was hesitant to reply initially because I had no context, so she got angry and hung up, still crying. I was worried so I tried calling back but no reply. A while later she texted saying that her father and brothers beat her up really badly, she couldn’t even think straight because of the pain. So I said of course, you can come, and that text conversation went on for a bit.
So she came and stayed, her father dropped her at the gate of the complex I live, since he wanted to verify that she wasn’t wandering off anywhere else, and was actually going to her friend’s house. She was really injured, she had bruises and swelling on her hand, forehead, and her knee, and scratches in other places. However she said this was the first time her father has actually physically abused her, though it happens often with the brothers. So we helped her out with ice packs etc. and she stayed the night, and the next day, and left approximately 24 hrs after she came. Her father came to pick her up at the gate, and had apparently expressed his disapproval the previous day itself, while dropping her off, that she had made this matter known to people outside the family. The matter of her getting beaten up by them.
After going home, I wanted to text her to ask for some photos she took while she was here. And I noticed that she has deleted entire messages in our chat, where she’s spoken about them hurting her, or that anything was wrong in the household. Only my replies remain, which sound absurdly concerned, without context.
Now I’m suddenly scared if her father chooses to spin this tale into me and my family forcing her to come here, maybe even kidnapping her against her will, and turning her against her parents. No one visited us, no one reliable saw her coming and going, it’s just our word against her father and the family. In his anger and fear that someone outside knows, he might do it. For context, he is a pretty influential person.
Is this possible,
and if so what should I prepare for?If I left any gaps in the story please tell me, I’m not thinking too clearly while writing this. I’m sorry for the unorganised paragraphs, and would appreciate any advice.
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LYou’re probably worrying about it too much. It’s also possible that she deleted the messages because her father feels that way about these things going out of the house and figured it won’t go further if she deletes it. Or maybe she was embarrassed.
From what you said, they might not want to make a bigger deal about this and have more people know, but in case it does come to what you say, your one sided messages would hopefully seem to give at least some context. Where necessary, deleted messages that were delivered could be recovered, especially in criminal matters. And the call records should also reflect that she contacted you first. There also might be some cameras that would show her father dropping her and picking her up.
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ADude cut her off. You might become a scapegoat. The issue involves her family and probably someone else you don’t know about.
Its very absurd why her parents would drop her at your place. And what would she gain from staying at yours!! Its not like she ran away in anger or fear. They came to drop her. So it speaks good of the parents. Its more likely she is not telling the truth to either the parents or you. -
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UThere’s a lot about this that in hindsight doesn’t add up, I’m afraid I was very impulsive in my worry for her, so I didn’t even consider these things until she’d left, and the deletion of messages happened. I’m not sure why either, my only explanation is that she threatened to walk out or worse, so he agreed to her demand to leave and come here.
That’s why the context of this being a first time for him physically abusing her makes sense I think, this is not a regular occurrence, not from him.
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BI think you are overthinking this, honestly not much you can do at the moment. Let her go and sit tight. Also seems her father has a lot of more primal issues to deal with – he most probably won’t come after you.
If your parents are in this and you guys are okay to spend a bit – speak to a lawyer to just safeguard your interests.
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UNAL. She probably deleted the entire conversation from her phone so that her family doesn’t see it – which is important for her safety. But your chats won’t go from your phone unless you delete it with the “delete for everyone” option. I think you’re overthinking that part. I suggest you take screenshots, and if you have chat backups then get the backup (with the full conversation) and save it somewhere safe. This is if things escalate in future and either you or she needs evidence. Don’t delete from your end I would suggest – her father can’t see your phone so he can’t hurt you.
It does sound weird that he dropped her off at your place, but she may have lied that you’re studying/working together in order to get away from the house and he dropped her personally to make sure she didn’t go to the police etc.
My suggestion is that you speak to her properly about what’s happening the next time you meet her privately, and keep your chats with her safe – that is, if someone in her family sees them, she shouldn’t get into trouble. Just let her know you’re available for her in case she needs to reach out, without actually saying that – may be random reels or random messages that are common for two friends to share without raising any concerns.
Abusers wouldn’t usually want to let the world know what they’re doing, so the threat is for her I think, I doubt they’ll want anything to do with you. Your friend on the other hand needs you – see how you can help her without triggering more abuse from the family.
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