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PMarriage isn’t a fairy tale—it’s a serious commitment that can turn into a nightmare from day one if you’re not careful. If you’re planning to tie the knot in the next few years, listen up: you’re about to make the biggest decision of your life, and most of you are screwing it up before you even start. People get married and start suffering immediately—especially women, but men too—and it’s because you’re not communicating openly. You’re too scared of judgment or too distracted by all that premarital attention from the opposite sex to see straight. You waste your time drowning in romance instead of doing the real work, and then—bam—marriage hits, and you’re blindsided. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
The Harsh Reality: The premarital phase feels like a dream because you let it. You’re caught up in the butterflies, the affection, the “oh my god, someone loves me” haze. But while you’re busy swooning, you’re not asking the hard questions or setting clear expectations. Then you get married, and reality slaps you in the face. Both men and women suffer when communication fails, but let’s be real—women often take the bigger hit. Why? Because, in most cases, the bride moves into the groom’s house, stepping into a new family, new rules, and a whole new life she didn’t fully sign up for. That’s a massive shift, and if you’re not prepared, you’re screwed.
For women: Moving into your husband’s home isn’t just a change of address—it’s a change of everything. New dynamics, new expectations, maybe even a loss of independence. If you need a nuclear family setup, a career, or just some damn personal space, you better make that non-negotiable before the wedding. And not in some cute little private chat with your fiancé—lay it out loud and clear, even if it means dragging both families into the conversation. Awkward? Tough. Better now than when you’re miserable later.
For men: Don’t be an idiot and think love will sort it all out. If you’ve got expectations—about your career, your freedom, or how your wife should fit into your life—say it. Don’t assume she’ll just fall in line with your world, just like your mother did as a full-time housewife. That’s how you end up with a marriage full of resentment instead of partnership.
Why You’re Failing Before You Start: People fuck up in marriages because they skip the homework. You dodge the tough talks, avoid the “weird” topics, and hope for the best. Hope isn’t a strategy. You’re not a victim of fate—you’re responsible for the mess you walk into if you don’t set boundaries. Love doesn’t magically align lifestyles or values. That takes work, clarity, and guts. And if you’re too blinded by romance to see that, you’re already behind.
How to Not Screw Yourself Over: If you want a shot at a marriage that doesn’t suck from day one, here’s what you need to do right now:
1. Make a Non-Negotiable Checklist: Sit down and write out what you cannot live without. A nuclear family? A career? Financial independence? Personal space? Be specific. Update it as you go. This isn’t a wish list—it’s your survival guide, a life compass.
2. Have the Tough Conversations Early: Don’t whisper your deal-breakers in private—bring them up where it counts. If it’s about family dynamics, get the in-laws in the room. If it feels uncomfortable, good. Marriage isn’t about comfort; it’s about clarity.
3. Stop Caring About Judgment: Your expectations might sound “weird” or unconventional—so what? If it’s what you need, own it. Better to be judged now than to suffer in silence later.
4. Quit Romanticizing Marriage: That lovey-dovey phase? It’s a distraction. Love doesn’t fix mismatched values or lifestyles. You do.The Bottom Line: You’ve got one shot to get this right before you’re locked in. Own your future, or it’ll own you. Stop wasting time on premarital fluff and start talking about what really matters. Women, keep your eyes of rationality wide open—you’re the ones who often bear the brunt. Men, don’t be fools and stumble into a mess you could’ve avoided. Be frank, be open, and don’t apologize for what you need. Marriage isn’t a fairy tale—it’s a contract. Treat it like one.
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PAgree, men seem more scared because it’s trending—social media’s amplifying it, and the fear’s spiking on the X-Y axis. But women’s fear? It’s been sky-high for ages, plateaued parallel to the X-axis, since they’re the ones leaving their comfort zones. Men’s fear is just catching up, fueled by social media reports of murders, alimony extortion, false DV, and dowry cases.
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UComing to a legal sub and then claiming men’s fears are only due to social media and not because there isn’t a single marital law that protects them or the regular judgements that keep fucking over the man even if the wife is in the wrong,is peak comedy.
None of what you wrote above is gonna stop a woman from committing,abuse,adultery, fraud etc on the husband and the husband then has absolutely 0 legal protection other than hope to get into a compromise so that the woman leaves him in peace.
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EIndia is a highly pro-marriage country (socially and legally) with little acceptance for long courtship and cohabitation and that makes divorce all the more messier.
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FDoesn’t matter honestly, countries that are relaxed have the same problems as well. As OP rightfully pointed, people get too lost in the “honeymoon” phase, they forget the whole point of a partnership!
Lately the later generation of parents are a bit more relaxed as well in India, allowing long courtship, as long as it’s not meaningless.
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SIn kerala divorces have spiked up like anything. Everyone there is a news of someone getting divorced.
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Gdivorce is messier because of laws not courtship. if these laws are available in western countries, they will be abused there as well. just that they don’t believe in simple statements but require evidences as well.
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LTotally agree on having the deal breaker conversations before marriage. A lot of people I know have varying views on kids and when to have them. They don’t speak of this before the deal is sealed and end up compromising out of compulsion. Things like career, kids, in laws all these will wreck your life and peace of mind if you aren’t on the same page.
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UThere is no pre nup valid in India, so no matter how much you get everything on paper the women can go back on her word.
Once any women decides, she can drag husband and all and every family member to court on some or other pretext. Even dogs and cats are not spared.Women is educated or not, she is earning or not, she will be given maintenance and then husband and his family must get the FIR and other criminal and civil suits off their chest. Women is not required to attend any court date (in some cases men are also) but most cases men and his family members are dragged to court dates.
Extortion is rampant, more family (and personal) wealth on husband side more money will be extorted.If not, then women can kill husband and then get out of jail citing pregnancy… Women’s boyfriends may end up in jail for rest of their lives.
Enjoy family life… Enjoy marriage
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E# “Marriage isn’t a fairy tale—it’s a contract. ”
While I do agree with most of the post, in case of India this isn’t true (yes, there are other countries this isn’t tru either e.g. Philippines). If we approach it as a “contract”, then good luck with the Indian legal system honouring even the most basic contract enforcement (see cases on Commercial laws or even rental contracts, if you are lazy, look at the post on this subreddit.) However, none of this matters, since the courts don’t view them merely as contracts. Source: [Is Contract Marriage Legal in India?](https://lawbhoomi.com/is-contract-marriage-legal-in-india/#:~:text=Laws%20Governing%20Marriages%20in%20India,-To%20determine%20the&text=Under%20this%20Act%2C%20marriage%20is,%2C%20monogamy%2C%20and%20legal%20age.)
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PHaha, I totally get you—calling marriage a “contract” in India might sound like a fast pass to legal quicksand, especially with our courts’ shaky track record on even basic contract enforcement (I’ve seen those subreddit horror stories, and as a law college dropout, I dodged that bullet!). But let’s be real—I’m not saying marriage is just a courtroom contract. It’s a metaphorical nudge: treat it with the seriousness of a binding agreement, not a Bollywood romance montage. Courts might not vibe with that view, but your future happiness will thank you for setting clear terms upfront! Appreciate the heads-up, though! 😉
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E>not a Bollywood romance montage.
Yes, I agree. And this is the narrative which plays even subconsciously in many minds – reel life influencing real life decisions. I would even add the other extreme, to substitute Bollywood with Hollywood, but that’s a different dumpster fire altogether which is perceptible and realisable when dating in the West. I added the latter statement, as on this subreddit I often see suggestions like “get married to a foreigner” or “get married outside India” etc, as if there is a red carpet treatment awaiting outside. Laws of the land, where you get married matters, and how the law views marriage for a “resident couple” also matters.
If anything, any successful relationship, at the very least, requires trust, mutual respect, and lots of gives or takes, but hopefully the people involved in a relationship receive net gain/benefit. Easier said than done.
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PSpot on! Bollywood and Hollywood have us all dreaming of a reel-life romance, but those scripts don’t survive real-life plot twists—East or West! And you’re so right about the ‘marry a foreigner’ fantasy on this sub—there’s no red carpet waiting abroad, just a different red-flagged legal maze to navigate. At the end of the day, trust, respect, and compromise are the real MVPs of any marriage, no matter the zip code. That’s exactly why I’m pushing for those early, awkward convos—set the stage for a net gain, not a net pain! Easier said than done, but worth the script rewrite.
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SAnd none of that is a guarantee of a happy marriage.
All that is protecting oneself. That’s super important. But THEN there is a pile of work for the partners to do, if they want to be happy.
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PFashion ke is daur me guarantee ki ichcha na karein!
(Translation: In this era of fashion, don’t expect any guarantee!) -
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PExactly! I see people complaining that hus wants a joint family. Wife wants a nuclear family. My question is, “What were you doing before getting married? Didn’t you get time to discuss all these critically important matter?”
For example, I’m very clear that I want to live with my parents after marriage. But if I fail to make a deal breaker conversation with my potential mate, then it’s my fault! -
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SThanks OP. This is a must for every bachelor. Don’t compromise on your core beliefs or it will compromise your entire life.
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PThanks for the compliment!
Haha, I hate to burst your bubble, but this post comes straight from a man who’s tying the knot soon.. and I’m honestly heartbroken seeing all these stories of crumbling marriages, hollow family setups, and alimony nightmares.. guess I’m just a groom-to-be with a soft spot for happily-ever-afters.. and a knack for spotting red flags! 😅
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UNone of what you wrote is going to protect your of your wife to be has a change of mind. You are at her mercy in most situations.
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PSure, if your future spouse changes his/her mind, no checklist can fully protect you, but let’s not act like men are totally helpless. This advice of having a checklist can’t a ground for divorce—it’s for both to be clear upfront! Saying the checklist does “nothing” for men isn’t fair. I’d rather trust good and open communication than hope for a Bollywood-style happy ending!
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UCare to enlighten how “men aren’t totally helpless”?The only thing the man can hope for in case of a divorce is to reach some compromise and pay off the woman to leave him alone and if he has a kid to get access. The second one is extremely difficult and most divorced fathers in India have to face parental alienation.
Also reread what I said,in case of a divorce that checklist can be used by the woman to claim how things were not followed and it will in some capacity however minor will act as something,but the same checklist cannot be used by the man for any evidence for anything. You can have whatever checklist for your peace of mind but at the end of the day it wouldn’t protect you if your wife changes her mind.
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SA lawyer here who has handled good amount of divorce and DV cases
Even if you have all these conversations and set boundaries and everything. Both the persons are going to change so what matters most is mutual respect and understanding. I have handled love marriages of 10 yrs turning into divorce with zero trust. 20 years of marriages into divorces just because there are family differences. 3 months marriage because the husband was into alleged extra marital affair.
Honestly speaking nowadays no wants to adjust and there is no will to mend the relationship and just get divorced.and the sad part is the kid suffers the most.
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PThanks for the insight—your experience really puts things into perspective! I completely agree that mutual respect and understanding are key, and people do change over time, which can shake even the best-laid plans.
My advice isn’t a foolproof shield against that, but it’s like packing a good map for a road trip: it helps you start the journey on the right path and navigate bumps better from Day One. Sadly, as you pointed out, if neither side is willing to adjust or mend things, even a great map can’t stop you from getting lost—and it’s heartbreaking that kids often bear the brunt. Your take on this is so valuable for everyone reading!
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AWonderful post. Precisely why I insist on talking a lot but some men (and maybe women too) think that it will just work out for the best. Communication is everything and the post reiterates it.
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PThanks for the love! Communication is everything, which is why I’m a big fan of jotting down all your must-haves on paper so you don’t miss a single deal-breaker. Think of it as your marriage prep homework! We wouldn’t buy a gadget without Googling the pros and cons or doing a full-on comparison, right? So why do we flip to Bollywood romance mode when it’s time to pick a life partner? Start that checklist before you even date—or at least the moment you do! 📝😊
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Dput this post in the Vedas pls ( I do not mean to disregard the importance of the Vedas as a historic religious scripture, marriage is sacred too and making sure that your to be spouse and you lead a harmonious life together is an incredibly important sentiment for the happiness of both your souls )
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PI did the deal breaker list before marriage. Its the only thing that saved me during a very tough phase. As a woman, I’ve literally uprooted myself to be part of my husband’s family, and the biggest mistake that he did was not convey my deal breakers to his own parents. His dad was in dark about my eating habits – im not someone who would eat what his parents eat on a daily basis. I not just like to cook, i was about to get married into a “pure” vegetarian household. You can keep your caste aside for majority of the discussions, the parents would agree there, but eating habits not so much.
Im from a very liberal household and parents have been equal partners long before it was written down as a concept. But my husband’s family is pretty much traditional and his mother sacrificed a lot, and a lot for her kids, her in-laws and her husband. I can never, and I would never dream of that life, or even remotely want to sacrifice everything in name of family. My husband was very clear that his mother likes the way I think and I am as a person. Despite that the ground reality of traditional households is far far away from their claims.
I went through a lot during 1st 8 months of marriage, I was minimized in every way possible, my needs were dismissed and oh the judgements!!! Then i decided to leave for good, because my husband was unable to love by what he promised, and instead he was getting abusive day by day.
Then I spent ample time at my maternal home, recovering and reconsidering everything – after a couple months, I straight up told my husband that either he sticks to his words or we are getting separated.
Took another 3 months to discuss to and fro, reconciled.
So yes, its a HARD AGREE, from me. This post by OP is the reality of marriages.
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PThank you for sharing such a personal story—I’m truly sorry you had to endure such a tough time, and my heart goes out to you for navigating those challenges. That’s exactly why I stressed in the post to voice your deal-breakers loud and clear in front of the family. But I totally get it—sometimes it’s not easy to bring up every point, and it can really test whether your partner stands by your side. I’m so thrilled to hear the checklist helped you through it, and even more overjoyed that you and your husband reconciled! That’s a huge win—big kudos to you both for making it work! 🌟
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SYour post is generic and does not have a substantial legal issue involved.
If you have questions about this removal, please [contact the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/LegalAdviceIndia).
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NMan…I saved this post to rad later but its now deleted. u/[sprashant7081](https://www.reddit.com/user/sprashant7081/) have you posted this elsewhere?
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