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SHello,
I was a few months postpartum and in the deep of postpartum depression due to a lack of support from my spouse. We were supposed to live independently and raise our son together but unfortunately, he got too comfortable living with his parents and gave excuses for not wanting to get a house for us to live in or step up in his role as a father.
As a consequence, I was solo parenting a new born and an infant with some help from my own parents (with whom I was living at the time and it’s quite common for a woman in India to live with her maternal family after having a baby). My parents are old and did the best they could but had their own physical health ailments and they could anyway not compensate for an absent spouse.
During one of my fights with my parents, with the intention of getting my spouse to find a place for us to live in quickly (I had asked him several times before this in a straightforward manner but had received no clear answer). This resulted in me lying elaborately about being physically abused by my parents when I was a child through messages with him. All of the things I said were lies and I still can’t comprehend why my mind felt it had to lie to get my spouse to get his act together, but it did.
Fast forward to now, we are getting a divorce, and he has used those exact messages as proof to gain primary custody of the child. I would like to know how to handle this situation in the court. Should I be honest about the lies?(in which case they will think I am a liar) or should I deny sending those messages? (this would be tricky since our messages were exchanged over a long period of time that night)
I feel pathetic about putting my parents in this situation as they have been nothing but lovely and supportive to me and deeply regret how my lies are coming back to bite me. But, my mind was NOT right during the depths of postpartum and my thoughts would spiral. I am out of the postpartum depression now and this incident was more than 3 years ago.
Please advise.
I have been single handedly raising my son since he was born, and he is now 3 years old. I filed a divorce and custody petition in court and have also filed for maintenance since the spouse has not been financially contributing at all for over 2 years.
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SNAL but damn! This doesn’t look good for you. If you accept you lied it casts aspersions on your sanity. Because which sane person is going to claim their parents abused them, when infact they didn’t! Custody to someone who’s not in a sane state of mind isn’t given from what I know.
And you’ve managed to ensure that court doesn’t give your parents custody either, because hey they are abusers!TLDR: Get a lawyer and discuss it out with them because this is a sticky wicket.
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BNAL,
What did you mean by “we were supposed to live independently?” And “he got too comfortable”. Since you wanted a separate house, how much were you willing to contribute for the purchase of this new House? On what grounds have you applied divorce? I see an entitled woman who left her matrimonial home for pregnancy and didn’t return for 3 whole years. Who has been using lies and coercion to force a man to leave his parents.
But, no worries. The Indian justice system is flawed. 99% times women get custody of the children unless he proves gross lapses in Your capacity to be a parent.
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SWell we were already living alone since we got married. It was only after we had a baby that he lapsed the rent of our previous house and he had promised me that we would live on our own. There was no force or coercion. I was also working for him and helping him out with his business. There’s more than meets the eye. It would be nice if you could lead with curiosity rather than assumption.
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