- This topic has 48 replies, 46 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 4 months ago by
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U7+ years of marriage within a 16+ year long relationship. Otherwise rocky but manageable relationship except complete lack of intimacy. Absolutely zero. 6 years of no willingness to communicate. Finally got her to go to a doctor where she was diagnosed for vaginismus. Continues to kick down the can in terms of treatment and not really interested in it. I am checked out mentally and have no energy left to try to figure this out close to being 40 now. One lawyer I met said I don’t have much options since it’s been 7 years and it’s hard to prove anything specially if she fights tooth and nail. Do I have any options left to get a separation if she doesn’t want to go ahead with it?
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RQuestion – you’ve not consummated meaning never ever had sex with your wife since the conception of marriage or just didn’t have sex for those 7 years.
Now if sex never happened you can get the marriage annulled by the court just file for divorce with the help of an advocate.
If you haven’t had sex for these 7 years and it’s because of her( she’s denying the intimacy) again it can be considered an act of cruelty and is a ground for divorce ( get a lawyer)
Best is if you can get her to file for mutual divorce, within 2-3 years you’ll be done
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UInstead going to therapist once sit alone both of you and try to communicate may be it will take some time and take her in natural place may be she want to express to you only if this doesnt happened then explain this situation to her loved ones like father /mother in law if they know how to react then atleast
Things may get easy i hope it works -
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UNAL
With 16 plus years of relationship, is this really a deal breaker for you!?
Do you think you would be happier with someone else you might meet in future? Not about who is right or wrong here. Most women value emotional connection than the physical one so if she cares for you then please find a workaround.-
UI’m sorry, but I disagree with your perspective.
OP has clearly expressed that he’s not getting what he wants or needs in this relationship, and his feelings and desires do matter too. Emotional connection is incredibly important, but so is sexual connection—it’s a vital part of a healthy, balanced relationship.
It seems that the wife isn’t keen to work on the treatment condition despite knowing about the condition and the impact on their marriage. If she was actively seeking treatment and putting in the effort to work through this, I’d understand your viewpoint more. But if she’s not willing to take action, it’s unfair to expect OP to sacrifice his own happiness and well-being.
Relationships require effort from both sides, and both emotional and physical aspects should be addressed.
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UI just read your post history , and I’m very sorry what you’ve been through. But 7 years is too much.and if anyone stays for these many years is straight up dumb and stupid ngl. According to ur previous posts , you are staying in this marriage due to societal pressure and expectations. Bruh.. are you serious?
You are ready to live your entire life being sex deprived and sad just to keep your family happy? Is that how low you value yourself?
You need a reality check buddy and if you continue to live this way then it’s no one’s fault but your own. -
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UI experienced a lot like vaginasmus when I was severely defecient in fat soluble vitamins.. Just try some vit e vit e vit d supplements.. I was really surprised that such a big problem had such an easy solution..it diesnt have any harm.. Please try once.. Women as hormone based creatures can easily be defecient in thses vitamins as we really lack good quality oils..my quality of married life got better multiple folds after supplements.. I don’t think your wife would refuse to take supplements if don’t tell her it’s for general health and not mention that its for this particular issue..
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UGoing through a similar situation here. However in my case she is willing to work through it and is currently undergoing treatment. We have been married for almost two years now. And for the most part of it, we have been away from each other for the purpose of her studies. Tried consummating multiple times during the first few weeks and then she had to go away. When she visited, we tried again but no success. Complained of excruciating pain while trying to penetrate, and when you see your partner visibly in pain, you lose interest and even lose the boner. But after a while we consulted a doctor and she has started to work on it. Hoping to overcome this tough phase of our lives soon. I love her and wouldn’t dream of walking out on our marriage. But this aspect of our life has been real frustrating and has been eating me away little by little.
Hope you are able to find happiness soon, mate.
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UI am sorry sorry to hear about this going through exactly same thing with 6 years of relationship and 2+ years of marriage
We have filed for a mutual divorce and it is to get finalised in 6 months in July. Good luck, it can be really painful but you aren’t alone, men have trouble communicating this since society has created a taboo for men to say these things out loud.
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UI was in a similar boat. I filed first on the grounds of mental cruelty, and the lawyers from both parties discussed and convinced my ex to go with the mutual divorce. Since I hadn’t asked for anything monetarily, I guess it was easier for him to sign the papers.
I completely understand your situation. Although I cannot provide any legal advice, you have my solidarity.
Hope you are out of this sooner and get to move on with your life.
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UThis is probably the worst advice you can get – if there’s some sexual interests at work or in your social circles, you might want to get into an FWB. It’s not a good path to take by any means but it might change your thinking. The end fact is you want some action, wifey ain’t giving it so you’re stuck between wifey and action.
I’m not legal expert but at some point, your cheating (FWB) coming out could work both ways. It could either get her to try more or set the path for a mutual divorce. And let’s say your FWB doesn’t go well, you might either realise you love her more than your need for action or you have something to work on for yourself.
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