- This topic has 16 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 2 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
SHi everyone. I feel really sad that I was forced to turn to such drastic measures. For context, after I passed class 10th, my parents (specifically my mom) suddenly said that I will not be pursuing further education if I cannot pay for myself. I belong to the general category, and my father is a government employee, so there was no way I could qualify for any scholarships. I worked the night shift in a very popular bar in my city, and paid my school fees with that. You might think this is because they were tired of me being poor in studies, as is most often the case with Indian parents, but I got 95+ in my 10th(ICSE) and 12th(CBSE). I gave my 12th exams in 2020, along with my entrance exams, but Covid struck, and I turned to streaming guitar sessions on Twitch for paying rent to my parents. Fortunately, it didn’t last long because once I got into an IIT, my father graciously agreed to pay the fees. However, my branch is Metallurgy, and yes, I chose this branch since I had the option of opting for other branches with my rank, a fact my mother didn’t like. She was always the greatest obstacle in my studies, and she doubled down when she realised Metallurgy jobs are more often than not far away from metro cities, and I would not be the high class IITian everyone dreams of.
In my third year, I got an internship which paid really well. But at this point I only had a joint account (my mother had REFUSED point blank a solo account) and while splurging on a luxury purchase for my partner in my fourth year, I realised my bank balance had dwindled by about a lakh. My mother later admitted to taking it since in her opinion, me, a college student, has no need of that much money.
I got a pre placement offer from the company which had offered me the internship, however my mom and dad drove me to college and made me give it up, saying that they would not pay for my last semester and how would it feel if after 7 semesters, I had to drop out of a fking IIT. So yea, I did oblige and I later got a very posh work from home job in a Japanese multinational company, paying me in the greater 20s. But I hated every minute of it.
I appeared for GATE 2024, all the whole saving up from my job, and paying an exorbitant rent to my parents and got what I think is a pretty good rank for my first time, guaranteeing me an entry into almost all the best institutions of our country. However, as the days remaining for the actual college counselling decreases, my mother becomes more and more abusive. She still hits me, shouts and insults at me, and makes extremely derogatory remarks which you would not like to make to a fellow human, let alone your daughter. And she has been actively sabotaging my stuff, including my laptop display and my bank passbook. Even though I have saved up some money, replacing a whole laptop would still be a huge thing for me.
And today, I had enough. I just talked back and asked what is wrong with her, maybe she is jealous of me? Which apparently ticked her off, so here I am, roaming the streets at 2:21 AM. The last time it happened was during lockdown, and I was let in 3 weeks after I was kicked out. I really feel helpless. I’m always insulted, berated, and still this happens.
My partner is extremely supportive of me though. After the money withdrawing fiasco, it was my partner who helped me open a solo bank account. And it is him who advised me to post here, because it might help me explore options. I cannot move in with him because my documents, etc are held hostage under my mother she does resort to extremely dangerous steps to stop me.
What can I possibly do? It does not always have to be legal advice, but i welcome any kind. I just need this to stop. I feel like this should be borderline illegal. Please help me.
-
SNAL
Check what dependencies you have on her / the house. You mentioned documents – start securing them (digital copies such as both sided scans of marksheets, etc.). You can say that employer has asked for this (and, yes, some indeed do ask for a very thorough documentation). In case not, think how you could secure duplicate copies – e.g. filing an e-complain/e-FIR with Police for loss of documents, undertaking and issuance of duplicates by institutions.
I don’t think she can do anything against you legally – an adult could very well pack their bags and live separately.
You gotta be strong mentally and emotionally – don’t be affected by familial and/or social pressure/warnings/threats/blackmails/gaslights, etc.
And, maybe, think of this as a strategy game.. like, Shawshank Redemption.
Not sure if you are taking therapy or not, but would def. recommend that for your emotional healing.
Be brave as you are and all the best!
-
SThere are not many dependencies. I pay rent, and my groceries, food, essentials are separate. The only thing I don’t pay for are the utility bills.
I will be looking into getting duplicate copies just like you suggested. My only fear is that it may take a long time and since GATE college counselling is from May, i am afraid of not being able to produce the original copies on such short notice if I am not let back into the house.
As for therapy, i am very much interested in going for it (also have other unresolved mental health issues) but I have to get stability first.
-
-
UPlease check narcissistic personality disorder.
Just quietly apply for copies of all important documents. Take help of some dependable relatives, which will be very very few. Cut contact and leave when you can, as soon as you can.
Imho Forget studying for a bit. Earn. No real legal recourse unfortunately as far as I know.
Please dont roam streets now. Safety first. Dont get into worse issues while escaping this mess.
A life full of peace, respect and love awaits. A lot of work in front of you while you build that life. Take care friend.
-
SYes, another comment suggested applying for duplicates of the important documents, so I will be looking into it first thing.
I am currently at a friend’s house but I do hope my mom calms down soon and lets me back in.
I would love to keep my job by my side. But I don’t see myself being able to survive in this field and I’m absolutely not passionate about it. I would love to go for Metallurgy jobs, but it’s mostly PSUs, and they have an age limit of 25-27 years, and I can’t afford to not study now if I want to end up in my favoured field. Truly a mess. I hope I can sort it out. Thank you for taking the time to reply.
-
UGo off to germany/scandinavia then. Cheap education. Pretty calm place all things considered. You may get scholarship for survival and definitely a loan which can be paid back. As in it wont be too burdensome.
Look at job as a way to secure your independence. Thats all thats necessary. Dont have to stay there long.
I cant tell you how similar my situation is.. I am here if you need.
-
SYes! I have applied for master’s and doctoral opportunities in various countries of Europe, including Germany. Waiting to hear back 🤞
And thank you for the support. You don’t know how much it means to me to know that there is an escape from this situation.
-
UYou are a star for achieving so much despite such situations. Forget escape, a Thriving life is possible. Good luck..
-
-
-
-
-
-
QIf you are an adult, you can just leave and live by yourself. Why do you live with your parents if you have a job and money?
-
SI know it’s weird, but i graduated last May and since my onboarding date was in August, I came back home. But since my job is work from home, any attempts to leave have been shut down by my parents 🫠 Not only my mental health is at rock bottom, but also I have zero social life. Parties, meetups, movies?? What’re those? Everything is forbidden 🥲 And it’s ironic because I pay my parents rent. I would love to move out, believe me.
-
MAgain why? You have money right? Move out. Hostels with shared bunks start with 500 rs. Eat roadside food. Repeat clothes. If you are paying rent to them , you can pay rent outside.
I get it you wanted to finish education and they threatened to not pay for it. But why now?
If you are going to say they are going to beat you up how? And if they do file a police complaint.
-
UWhen mental health is rock bottom, you typically find it difficult to get out of bed even.
What OP needs is support. Hostels provide that to an extent.
-
MShe is holding a job after completing iit. What she needs is guts to get away from family.
And here she is asking for legal recourse. First get out of the house then find legal help.
Or ask help to people around you. What is she going to do hire lawyer? She gets beaten isolated and thrown out even after paying for everything.
What’s stopping her from packing her bags and leaving like she is right now.
She was thrown out for 3 weeks earlier as well.
She has co dependency issues and requires therapy to enquire why she chooses to be at a place of threat when she has means to remove herself from the situation.
I get people without a study background and no job. I don’t get people who have money and have been thrown out previously going back to place of threat.
Also plz don’t tell me that she needs xyz. Clearly her parents don’t care for anything when they can throw their daughter out for 3 weeks, they can do anything and aren’t afraid of society shaming them.
And she bears their physical abuse at home. Why not rent her own home and try to be safe. The story is just weird. Or maybe op left some details.
-
-
SYes you are correct. I will be moving out this time. Because I have had enough, and I can see these people don’t care for me, hence why I turned to this subreddit.
You must realise, even though I know I’m being abused, I have a sense of duty and love towards my parents. My mother goes to extreme measures to stop me from leaving, when physical altercations don’t work out. In February she overdosed on some medicines (some kind of relaxant I believe) and she got a problem in her colon as a consequence, and she’s still going to doctors now (her sphincters kinda stopped working/got paralysed idk) and I felt I had to stay because she turned to these measures for me.
Even in the past she often did these, because of which I stayed. But she still kicked me out yesterday, so I see that she doesn’t have any problems with me leaving when it’s at HER discretion. I’m really tired and it’s unfair to me and my partner, to whom I usually vent. So I will be moving out as soon as I can pack and apply for the duplicates of my documents.
I will also be looking into therapy once all this is sorted out and I am in a place of stability.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
