- This topic has 40 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 1 month ago by
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A**Namaste,**
**Kind request and disclaimer to all women,**
As an Indian male, i fully agree that women have been historically wronged and there are many injustice still being done to women, regardless of their religion, origin and financial status. We all need to strive for betterment for our women and we need to work hard towards providing them with a safe and prosperous country to live in. This post doesn’t mean i eye my future wife with any **Suspicion. I am just trying to save my ‘bottom’ if things go south. I do feel that the second best precaution one can take TO AVOID DIVORCE is to be a good companion in thick and thin. The best is to avoid marriage all together, but for personal reasons, i want to marry.**
**Introduction**
1) For starters, i am 33 year old Hindu male, based in a tier 1 city in India. My current savings are about 1.2 crore (60 Lakhs in Mutual funds, 60 lakhs in savings in FDs )
2) I would be married within the next 6 months. The lady who is interested in me earn an amount between 8 Lakhs per annum. I earn around 30 Lakhs per annum, post taxes.
3) I have 1/3rd Share in an apartment in Mumbai. The apartment is jointly held by my mother,father and myself. The apartment is currently at 2 crore.
4) My Parents own several other properties but i don’t hold any share in them. My father gets a pension of about 40000 per month from the central government. My father is still working and earns around 2 Lakhs per month. My mother doesn’t work.
5) There is just one ancestral property which i would inherit by Bloodline, it is 1 acre of farm-land in Northern India.
6) I have one elder sister who is a foreign national now. She is married and lives abroad . For the sake of simplicity, lets assume my sister is entitled for 1/2 of all the assets held by my parents (including their two bank accounts where i am the sole NOMINEE ) and she will take whatever she is legally allowed.
**Some precautions i wish to take before i marry, related to my financial health,**
a) Transfer 60 lakhs to my parents, 30 lakhs each. I am listed as the **sole nominee** in their respective bank accounts. I will DO THIS TRANSFER ATLEAST 6 MONTHS- 12 MONTHS Before marriage. I am doing this to reduce my net-worth before marriage.
b) I want to revoke my 1/3rd share in the apartment in Mumbai . The apartment would hence on not be held jointly in my name. It will be held by my parents only . This will also be done before Marriage.
C) I will alone make all expenses for marriage, which can be anything between 20-30 Lakhs in my case. This includes a ton of flights i have to book, the event itself, Clothing etc. ALL THESE EXPENSES WILL BE DONE IN WHITE With all electronic receipts.
d)My parents will give 2-3 sets of Jewellery on marriage to the future Daughter in Law. All this gold will be kept in a bank locker accessible by my future wife alone.
e) I will increase my monthly contribution to New Pension Scheme/Provident fund after marriage.
**Questions–**
1) Can bank statements prior to marriage be asked to produce before the judge in case if things go south? I plan to now close the bank account after the transfer and YES i know even bank statement of an ex bank account be asked to produce in court.
2) Do i really need to revoke my 1/3rd share in the apartment ? Does my future wife have any legal right on the 1/3rd of the apartment i own or it is an over-kill ? Also i am not transferring the apartment, i am just revoking my share.
3) In case of jewellery, how can one document that we haven’t held any stree-dhan given to my future wife?
4) From what i know, any contribution to NPS/Provident fund cannot be held legally.
5) Any other precautions , you can possibly think of ?
Thanks in Advance.
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ABro Your earning 30L & have decent family.
I would suggest go to a lawyer & pay some consultancy fees & ask him to help you with all the things at best.
Paying a small fee is not a big deal to avoid the doomsday in future.
Hire a lawyer bro.
Taking life decisions based on other ppl knowledge who might have completely different experiences, life is not a good idea. -
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VSigh! What a terrifying joke arranged marriage has become these days!
Well done, male chauvinists and feminazis👍🏻
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AA few precautions wouldn’t ever hurt. One can atleast then take the blows, if any, on their chin. Maan ka malaal nahi rahega that i didn’t do enough..
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VIndeed, dear brother, given the state of affairs, one can’t be careful enough!
One advice from my perspective as a married man: do try and spend a few months getting to know each other beforehand. It’s easy to put on a pretense for a few days but you both will come to realise the compatibility quotient in 4-6 months.
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SYour first sentence is enough to guilt trap you and make you pay half of all your assets.
Historically, women have also enjoyed a lot of benefits and protections from men especially Hindu Culture. Now, the culture might have degraded but for the most part it was good.
I would suggest stop psychoanalysis of your future divorce. You can file NIW green card and get it approved so now there is a huge waiting period because people are so many from india. So you leave india and go to Philippines and find a wife. You can use your wife quota and get GC immediately.
There are no divorces in Phillipines so you are good there so you live there for 5 years and bond with wife and then head to US to start a family.
Go for a strategy of gains and not mitigating losses !
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AI have multi-national collegues..and it is true, they enjoy a better life all the way. Even their married life looks so much better. India has ruined the family system completely for sure.
But for now, i want to settle in India. But thanks for the intel, i didn’t know it was that easy.
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INot a lawyer. As per my knowledge, transferring money/stake in property will not safeguard your assets as the courts seem to go through your bank statements and financial history to determine the alimony amount.
I follow lawyer Amish Aggarwal in YouTube and he specializes in divorce cases. You can go through his videos for better understanding, and he might be a good lawyer to consult for what steps can be taken to safeguard yourself.
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LIf you transfer 60L to your parents and some thing happens to them, then your sister will be heir to half that.(Even if you are listed as nominee). If you have good relationship with her, then ok. She probably won’t drag you to court.
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CWouldn’t that be a fun twist if senile parents go halfsies no take backsies with the sister or worse go all cash to sis
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QAs a lawyer, i can tell you that people are going overboard thinking about this alimony thing. If things go south, what you need is a good lawyer nothing else. The divorce rate officially is between 1-3%. Lets triple it and take it as 10%. Even then how many of these get into serious alimony category? Very few. So relax. And honestly you need to ask advice on a relationship reddit as to how to know your partner better before committing in a arranged marriage setup
Having said that, alimony is a % of your income (and not assets) unless your wife has contributed to the assets. The only asset as such the wife can claim to use is the marital home where she is allowed to stay till the divorce.
Assets come into picture when you say do a one time settlement amount. Say the wife has put other allegations against you so to wrap it up you offer. Basically people get fed up of the constant cases and offer money/assets to get rid of the issue.
But honestly a good litigating lawyer is what you need in a divorce case. I see so many cases where wives with children are struggling to minimum amount even for children. Of course there are also cases where men are unnecessarily harassed for stupid amounts but again good lawyer is what you need. Many recent judgements have infact criticised high alimony amounts demanded by the wife and consented to much less.
Nominee is not equal to beneficiary btw. You might be the sole nominee to your parents accounts but your sister has equal share in that money unless you are the sole beneficiary in the will and the money is self earned by your parents (and not inherited).
There is no documents as such that you can sign for streedhan or prenup or saying we won’t take dowry. They don’t have much legal validity. However, divorce cases are not criminal matters and hence the standards of proof are not the same. So documents/messages/recordings all give you some edge in building your case.
If you have a huge net worth, it is actually beneficial to see a lawyer to clear all your doubts
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AThanks for such a well worded reply.
“Assets come into picture when you say do a one time settlement amount. Say the wife has put other allegations against you so to wrap it up you offer. Basically people get fed up of the constant cases and offer money/assets to get rid of the issue.”
This is something new for me….But yes a one time settlement makes sense since one can just throw some money at her and get over with it…So when they decide how much is a good amount for this purpose, anything else one can do to minimise the blow? From what i know, even if i a transfer the amount now..i think i am a bit too late since my marriage is easily within the next 6 months, most likely.
Also, how does one find a good lawyer ? Any particular benchmarks to look ? Should one go to a family court and do it ?..: P
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EWhy get married if you have so little trust? How can you have a woman become your life partner, (most likely) have your children and raise them if can’t trust her with 60 lakhs or 1 crore.
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IBy that logic, women should also not go out with pepper sprays.
In your own words: Why go out if you gave so little trust?
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INot everytime it is a stranger directly attacking you. Often times someone familiarizes with you with a friendly face, acting as a fellow traveller.
Your maid can pretend to be a do gooder as long as she needs, waiting for the right opportunity to rob you. Your colleagues/friends to backstab you.
My point is you can’t know the real intention of someone. And many a times, marriages start our good but when things fall apart, people become vultures.
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QWhat nonsense are you spouting.
You equated trust on potential life partner with potential rapist or theif.
Both are not the same. If for you it is then don’t marry.
You go through manier steps to insure whoever you are marrying is the right person. That’s not what happens on the street.
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I>Both are not the same.
I am aware my examples aren’t the best to draw a proper analogy. Because like you said, there’s night and day difference between them.
>You go through manier steps to insure whoever you are marrying is the right person.
Yes right. You do, but none of them are full proof, are they? So why condemn someone if they are looking out for themselves. That’s all I’m trying to say. It’s not about trust. It’s about preparing for the worst case.
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QI didn’t condemn op. I criticized your analogy that’s it.
Btw worst case is she kills you and plans to live off of your money with her lover. Hone ko to kuch bhi ho sakta.
My motto is go in with good faith after knowing the person as much as possible. Otherwise such insecurity will act as self fulfilling prophecy.
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I>I didn’t condemn op
Not calling you out specifically. Just people in general who say if you have so many trust issues then don’t marry.
>Btw worst case is she kills you and plans to live off of your money with her lover. Hone ko to kuch bhi ho sakta.
True that 😐😐
>My motto is go in with good faith after knowing the person as much as possible. Otherwise such insecurity will act as self fulfilling prophecy.
Again, you’re right about the fact that you can’t have a marriage if you don’t trust your partner. But that also doesn’t mean you go in there without setting up proper measures.
My approach would be take whatever steps you think are needed for those scenarios. And then work towards building your marriage. If things go south, you know you have placed a safety net.
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UAccording to my knowledge:
If things go south, divorce and alimony will be the least of your worries. The divorce package comes with domestic violence and dowry case. Maybe a few more, I’m NAL.1. Transferring FDs should be fine if done long before marriage. Take at least 1 year. 2-3 years, the better. Should not look like you transferred because of marriage.
2. Your share in the apartment won’t matter. If your wife lives in the same apartment, she can claim entitlement for the matrimonial home. Most likely, you and your parents will be kicked out of the house due to the DV case or you’ll need to live in a rented apartment with your wife for 4-5 years until you both understand each other.
3. No such document mentioning anything regarding no dowry or jewellery is valid in Indian courts. The best you could do is to have proof that the locker belonged to her and only she had access to it, maybe linked to her bank account or something.
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KWhat is the exact reason that you want to get married and risk your family’s well being and assets?
Your wife does not even earn as much as you do.
Also, since she is earning you cant expect her to be of much help with domestic chores.
So what value does a marriage add to your life?
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AI cannot get someone who earns more than 12 Lakhs. i also have a decent personality otherwise..and i am not willing to settle with someone below -average when it comes to apperance.
The 8 LPA girl, checks most of my boxes…and she is also a good human being otherwise and comes from a decent family. I am mostly frugal (as it shows) so i am somewhat okay if she keeps most of her money for herself.
I went to a military school and can very well take care of myself and the house. i am someone who gets up at 6 AM..and need 6 hours of sleep..:P
It is true that she aint bringing much to the table but this is the best i have found after 2 years of search.
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KSo, are looks and quick results supposed to matter more than safety now? If that’s the case, what’s even the point of all this?
Honestly, the laws are stacked against you — and unless you approach things carefully and smartly, you’re setting yourself up to lose.
Maybe luck has been on your side so far, but don’t rely on it — it always runs out sooner or later.
Sorry if I sound pessimistic, but marriage these days feels like a gamble, and good men are getting torn apart in court by wolves due to one bad decision.
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