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BYes, the car is in her name as well. But we would like to transfer it to his name, and for him to just return back the money my sister has paid so far for the carBYou wouldn’t believe me, when I say I would have said the exact same words to someone going through this, if I had not experienced this situation first-hand. My sister is one of the boldest woman you would ever come across, she has stayed independently in 3 states for her job, managing her life on her own without even knowing the language or having zero contacts or friends there. Even her college professors, used to praise her for being extremely bold. She is extremely strong and independent and since the day she started working till her marriage, she has been taking care of most of our family’s finances. But when you go through betrayal like this, when someone shows a different face than what they showed in the past 10 years, you are bound to break down and freeze.Also, we are not forcing her to go and live with him, in fact we want her to get out of this relationship, but we do not want to influence her decision in any way, and want her to take the decision with full conscience. I mentioned the relatives part, to express the mental trauma that we are going through.BThanks for the advice! Regarding the instances where he hit her:
1. When she took a little bit longer to get ready during their honeymoon
2. When she told him that she is feeling dizzy under the sun since she was on her periods, and that she is going to sit somewhere else where there is shade.
3. She was working from home and was in a meeting, he was leaving somewhere else to go outside, and he asked her to lock the main door and gate. But since she was in the meeting, she asked him to lock it from the outside and leave. He hit her for refusing to listen to him.Unfortunately, we do not have proofs of the occasions he hit her. But, we have recordings of his family members where they justified him hitting her.She wants absolutely nothing as alimony or child support.
BNo. AFAIK,I wouldn’t say that there were zero red flags, there were subtle minor red flags. He refused to marry her multiple times, mainly due to his family pressure. His parents are gold diggers and during the first meeting of both families, his mother demanded a lot of dowry. We are also of a lower caste than them, and his mother demanded that we should claim to be of some other higher caste during the marriage to all their relatives, when his mom said all this he just stood still and did not speak a word against her. He used to put on a convincing act both in front of her and in front of his parents. I had warned my sister of this and had even kind of fought with my mother and his family during this first meeting, when they made such demands. But they instead, shouted at my mother that they have raised a reckless daughter (me), who doesn’t know how to behave in front of elders.Later apparently he had convinced his parents, stating that after marriage my sister would give her entire salary to him, which my sister or our family wasn’t aware of. Once when she was pregnant, and she had visited his home for less than a week, she had paid 7k for the household expenses (which is less than the usual 15k that she was paying when she stayed in his home for the entire month). When she demanded 600 rupees to buy groceries, he started fighting with her in front of his parents, and that’s when his parents knew that she doesn’t give her entire salary to him. After this fight, when his parents once visited our home to discuss regarding this fight, his mother told my sister “Just give birth to the baby, give it to him and leave” (we have recordings of this statement), and now he is listening to his parents and acting as per their orders.
Since my sister was on bedrest since the beginning of her pregnancy, she had taken her maternity leave much before childbirth, and her maternity leave ended last month. She wanted to resume her work from then, since she could work from home, but her husband and his family forced her to extend the maternity leave for one more year, but she couldn’t do it since that would require her to resign her job, instead she extended her ML by 3 more months. She said that either his mom or my mom, could help her in taking care of the child, when she works from home, but he refused saying his mom cannot help her. They initially agreed to having a maid to help her with the household chores, once she goes to his home with the baby, but later he refused it saying he doesn’t have money to pay the maid. My sister even agreed to pay the maid, even though she currently has no income since she is on unpaid leave. Even during her pregnancy, she was on unpaid leave for 2 months, and even then she was paying the EMI for the car.My sister had earlier not informed us that he had hit her, and had first revealed this to his parents when they came to our home, even then his dad justified it saying that he has hit his wife multiple times, and once he hit so hard that his wife’s earrings broke off. They are a highly patriarchal, male chauvinist and a family with extremely backward ideologies, which my sister wasn’t aware of before getting married with him.
BThanks for the advice! We don’t need the car, no one in our family knows how to drive a car. We want him to either sell it or close the loan or transfer the loan to his name. Her jewels are with her.BThanks for the advice. She is already in her maternal home and she wants absolutely nothing as alimony or child support, even if they come forward to pay something, we are not gonna accept it and also in the case of divorce, we’ll be returning everything they have bought (just few clothes) for her and the child.Also, in the best case we would want to deny visitation rights, but even if the courts grants him the rights, not sure if he would want to visit the child since he last saw the kid when he was 2 months old and now the kid is almost 4 months old. Also, occasionally when he picks up my sister’s calls he doesn’t even ask about the kid. Last time, she called and asked “What about the kid’s future, if we get a divorce?”, he told “I don’t need to know about that”, we have the call recording as proof
