Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
R“See the financial discussion should’ve been had before you even got engaged.”
It was discussed and I felt that I am earning money, what could be a better use of it if I am getting a person who genuinely loves and cares for me, there could not be a better thing to do. I think it is money well spent. I think people, health and time are the most expensive things. If I give up money, and get a good relationship, it’s the best thing in the world. I had said the money stuff to your question about what change I am willing to make, and that was the answer. so, I am willing to give up a lot of things to protect my relationships, but she is not willing to give up social media of lifepartner which I am not able to understand, where is the dilema.“Looking at her insta is a voluntary decision you make.”
so, what happens is, for most social media, they take hints from several things, like wifi, phone number etc. Soon, her mobile number with my many of my relatives, and instagram might suggest her profile to them and it would be a issue then, and I have explained this to her. So, first of all, it’s not voluntary. Second, if I don’t look, it does not change that it is happening.Also, if I needed relationship advice, I would have posted in another sub. I respect your views but our values are different. let’s end here.
R“Did you return all gifts you received?”
my parents called them and told them we cannot go ahead and we want to come to return the gifts. they got furious over it. So, we have not returned yet but we offered it several times. We have no intention to keep them, and I don’t even if they don’t return mine. just let me be peaceful.“If her making reels is an issue in your society, there’s also an issue with breaking an engagement, right?”
making reels is a voluntary decision which she has made. If she stops, we can find other ways or things which makes her happy. If she dances, she can dance, or record it, but keep it to herself. Movies, books, more frequent dates etc. On the other hand, breaking the engagement is compulsion on my end. If I don’t do it, not only two lives, but two families would be miserable. I can’t believe you compared it.Also, reels is an issue, it is not the reason to break it up. There are several issues on top of it, like few days back she told me for my happiness she has deleted the instgram profile, after a few days, I discovered she had not deleted but deactivated. Sue has reactivated now and blocked me. When I confronted her, she told me that she cares for my happiness, that is why she has blocked me so that I don’t get to see what I don’t like. It was a mind blowing moment for me. How can someone think that hiding something like this is a good gesture. And not showing appreciation, not caring my calls/texts sometimes.
and there are several other things. I understand your question is right, but please understand writing everything is not possible. Even if I try to, I am not a professional writer and something might not turned out to be what I intend.. I have discussed with her brother as well. He is a very reasonable person, modern, progressive, he also agreed that her sister is not putting in the efforts. her female childhood friend had done mediation once, even she told me that my fiancee is like this and she asked her to work on it. I even asked them about their honest opinion about me, what can I do right, and they said there is nothing I am not prefect, but I listen, agree, adjust.
“What things, specifically?”
One example: money habits. So, I come from lower middle class family. Growing up there were days when we were not sure we will have the money to eat for next month. I did not have a childhood. I have helped my father in his shop and then after I got a job in IT life got better. My portfolio now is in 8 digits, no debt. because of this maybe, I live a frugal life. I am not a miser but I am conscious about spending money. I wanted a simple wedding, she wanted a better one. I increased my wedding budget by 10L. I live a minimalist lifestyle, she wants better. fancy clothes, fancy dates, iPhone, travel etc. I had made up my mind that I would try to provide as much as I can.
I have let her have the upper hand in all major decisions although in our society the groom’s side have it. I wanted a golden ring for engagement, she preferred platinum-diamond and we agreed, wedding venue, type of dresses and the color codes, everything to be decided by her.after writing all this I am realizing that the question is off-topic. It’s a legal sub and not relationship sub.
R“if she wants to post dancing reels on Instagram,that’s her wish.”it’s marriage, and arranged marriage, 2 people’s are involved. not everything will happen according to the sanctification of both parties. I was willing to change few things about me according to her wish.
Context: we are from tier3 cities and families, these things are looked down upon. Initially, she had mentioned she makes reels, and I had told her that I don’t like it, and she had said that she not serious about it.Later, she said she has been doing for a while, and needs time.
Later, she said she wants to continue. I confronted her that she had told she not serious, she told that she is not serious, she does not want a million followers but she would like to continue. It seemed like manipulation.
My 2 cents are:
there are negotiables and non-negotiables. Happy relationship is the ultimate non-negotiable and in order to make things work, both should be willing to make adjustments for others’ happiness. She should have been more honest about her reels if it meant so much to her.Request:
could you please be specific about the red flag in me? Asking her to stop doing something which she likes..? I mean she has the right to ask me to stop doing something which I like but it’s bothering her.. why cannot I have the same right?
