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UBuddy, OP was talking about alimony. So was I. If you didn’t read through the comment, then it’s foolish to make replies to it. Especially when you are not aware of lived-in realities of women.
I’m not going to entertain your yapping anymore. Goodnight.
UThat’s your child too. Don’t speak about your child and contributing to financial support as something that is abusive towards men. Smh.>Not reading all that
Yeah. I know you don’t have the comprehension skills to actually understand what the matter is at hand and how Institutional power structures work. Good job. Continue being ignorant and harming women around you actively and even passively because you refuse to open your eyes and truly understand the plight of the other half of the population. Nice citizen of India, lol.
USpoke the truth and they couldn’t handle it. So they downvoted you. Lmao!I appreciate your comment. It’s a very dirty and dangerous reality for girls and women in India.
The men know this which is why they are careful when it comes to their own daughters and sisters.
ULet me tell you a few realities. In all those years that she could have had a good further education, career, and/or promotions, she does this in her post-marriage life:1) taking care of the in-laws, husband, children and the household chores: from laundry to cooking to decorating to taking care of the guests/relatives and their laundry & food when they visit, without, in majority of cases, a day off in the week.
2) she puts her body through pregnancy and childbirth and post-delivery period. Hold your thoughts, I know you will say “but this is what almost every women have gone through”.
• pregnancy is still a life-risking event,• internal injuries and bleeding to improper/infectious stitches are major health and life risks,
• if a placenta (which leaves a dinner-plate sized hole/injury inside her womb and takes weeks/months to heal) stays behind in the womb, *it can be life-threatening. It’s very very deadly*
• takes years for the woman to heal: mentally, emotionally, physically post ONE childbirth. Post-partum depression, hormonal changes which takes years to rebalance, etc
AND SHE DOES THIS FOR MULTIPLE TIMES IN AN INDIAN HOUSE WITH THE KIND OF MEDICAL TREATMENT THAT IS OFFERED IN SEVERAL TOWNS AND VILLAGES.• she’s also at risk of miscarriage and still-birth deliveries. Which is not only risky for her body but also puts a lot of mental and emotional burden on her. She’s grieving for a child that was in her for days, weeks, months. Any length of time. She’s a grieving mother.
• the pressure to give birth, keeping in view the above-mentioned position she is put in medically, physically , emotionally, mentally from pregnancy to post-delivery years.
Also the pressure to give birth to a boy child.
The way a woman is humiliated if she’s not into her motherhood in 2 years of marriage. Even if the medical issue might be on the husband’s side (which a man shouldn’t be shamed for either). The slurs those women are called. It’s shameful• the CHILDCARE! The emotional and physical and mental (& in working mom’s case, it’s also financial contribution) of the child is majorly on the mother. From doing the child’s laundry to school’s meetings and meeting friends to keep a tab on whether the child (esp a girl child) is safe in his/her surroundings outside of home, etc. It is a LOT!
The fathers, often if not all, don’t wash their own children’s clothes and help with the books and syllabus and homeworks and uniforms and food and all.All these and more especially when she’s also at the receiving end of Violence, Dowry, Abuses in several SEVERAL cases.
Did we not see cases of pregnant women? One case was in last year itself with a pregnant woman whose limbs were chopped off and then she was burned alive https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.ndtv.com/india-news/madhya-pradesh-rajgarh-pregnant-womans-limbs-chopped-off-body-burnt-over-dowry-in-laws-flee-6167023/amp/1So, your alimony is for the all the UNPAID LABOUR she did in all those months, years while, in several cases, still facing abuses and violence and dowry threats and also emotional negligence.
You are not “paying alimony”. You’re paying her back for what you stole from her.
(You is a general “you” here btw. Not a specific you towards OP).UWe are on the topic though. Because those shouts are a part of the accusations you are facing rn.Also through your comments, and I hope you take it as a suggestion to improve yourself, you seem to be someone who would quickly move goal posts to defend themselves. Even when the fault might be theirs.
According to *you*, you did nothing wrong: you were emotionally available and never let the shoutings be verbally abusive etc.
The other party doesn’t agree. And you have almost confessed.Did you never feel the need to check in on your wife, when she was in your home staying with you for all those days, whether she felt comfortable, safe, secure and happy: mentally, emotionally, physically?
It can be exhaustive to be married to someone like that.
You’re asking for suggestions if what she recorded and you ultimately confessed to as your acts of emotional unavailability and verbal abuse is enough to be an accusation.
Dude, we *are* staying on topicI can’t begin to imagine how she must have felt when a stranger like me is exhausted with your tactics from one interaction.
UWeak moments =/= being emotionally unavailable as a husband, or shouting at the wife though.Weak moments should never be at the cost of someone else. That’s just abuse.
UWhen it comes to relationships, including parental relationships and friendships, we don’t claim for ourselves that we were emotionally available. It’s, speaking in general terms except cases of Gaslighting, for the other person at the receiving end to have a clear view of whether we truly met their needs or notWaise toh main bhi bol sakti hoon I’ve always been an excellent daughter or sister or friend. But if the other person doesn’t feel that I met their needs or wishes then it’s not done.
If you are worried about being gaslighted then consult a therapist who might have a clearer view and objective opinion post-discussion.
Both shouting at each other also should be analysed within context.
Who initiated it and
was it initiated because the other person felt unheard and dismissed and hence had grievances
and how it escalated and did it unravel into verbal abuses and curses and slurs being thrown etc.Context hota hai bhai
USo you did shout and made her feel alone and weren’t emotionally available?
No man would’ve agreed to the accusations until such incidents have happened in their marriage.Was you defence: “leave the past behind and come back. Jo hua so hua, bhool jao. Galati ho gayi” is a confession, dude.
UThe cycle of abuse and lovebombing is perfected by an abuser to an extent that they gaslight the victims into thinking that the abuser shouldn’t be left behind.Your dad recognized that he doesn’t have the sole power now that you aren’t dependent on him and he’s in his old age and is lonely. But he doesn’t recognise that it’s his fault that made this environment/loneliness possible.
I feel for your mother, you and your sister as well. But idk if it’d be your place to separate them as they’re adults themselves.
Please tell you mother that a financial independent person, both son and daughter, has a better, secure, safer future than to be pushed into an arrange marriage.
