NAL and probably an unpopular opinion, I am expecting this comment to be downvoted to hell, but here it goes.
Change the title to “**My mother is destroying our family financially my enabling my father and refusing to take a stand and I donβt know what to do anymore**”
I’m pretty sure the signs were there years back and this had to be done much earlier, but there is still time to divorce the dude and please stand by your mom and tell your neighbors and relatives to fuck off if it ever comes to it.